after exploring various chocolatesss, i still love ferrero n give it 5 star.

nut, chocolate, wafer. nth taste better than such a combination. yum.

right. enuf of 'time out'. back to work.

n 4 more days to go, b4 shean goes crazy from head to toe.

dragging

it just keeps dragging..

everyday, every hr, every minute..

preparation is dragging, time is ticking, yet motivation is depleting.

it's just one more week, but concentration has not been with me since, n one can see it quite cleary as i m back to blogging.

the worst is yet to come, i just hope dat i hvt reach my concentration threshold if there is actually one.

我窗外的天空，只有一种心情: 哭泣。

24小时的泪水，已经多到无法蒸发。也因为哭丧了脸的天空，眼睛也不能好好地睁开。看不下书，也只有这个原因。房间一角，舒服的床褥，呼唤着半梦半醒的灵魂，就这样度过了1个半小时休克时段。

醒来以后，脚板冰冷，天空依然灰色。纵使再怎么精神，看书还是不入脑。

以前，我到底是这么撑过来的。

窝在小小的房间里，快疯了。还好晚餐吃得饱，却因此浪费了时间。

明天，又是全新的一天。早点就寝，也许就不会钓鱼。反正这种钓鱼，永远不会有收获。

STATS DOWN

yeah!! STATS OFFICIALLY DOWN~!

***

after stats, went for a late afternoon tea with coursemates at the usual 'the bean'.. mmm.. just love the atmosphere there.. though it rained... hd my usual mochacino.. but i somehow tasted not as good.. i think i like trent mocha better now.. lol

then went to sains.. bought some healthy fruits.. yeah... n then.. off to fresh asia.. then to sukho thai cafe.. yum.. nice dinner!

aa.. wat a good day.. but i end up in a non-working mood.. felt so chatty tonite.. haha..

but u noe, nth is perfect.. smth just comes abt n ruin ur day..

it was a spider..

but i defeated it.. feel bad to kill it but i just had to. cos it lied on the celing n any minute it could drop right at my face while i m in deep sleep.. eww.. the tot of dat just gave me the courage to confront my fear n yes.. i defeated the mighty spider..

shud i go into the details of killing it?

ok. 1st i tied two hangers together.. cos u noe..one hanger is too short.. i dun really wanna feel so close to dat spider.. so ya.. n then.. i hd to wrap one end of the hanger with tissues. cos i m afard to hurt the spider with the sharp end.. (dis sounds really ridiculous cos in the end i killed it anyway..)

n then.. it moved.. n slided down it's invisible web... to the dark blue pattern carpet.. n i tot i lost sight of it!!! aaa... i quickly grabbed my hardest shoe, my clog/heels n smashed it.. aa.. i wrapped it with a tissue, n i could feel it's limbs.. ewww.. i cant stand the tot of a dead spider in my room n so i hd to throw it into the pantry... eww..

hope it will 投胎 into a better being.. a puppy/kitty etc... just dun become a spider again ok?

***

tmr back to books, n yes, no more drifting off like tonight..

"ED......."

tenors at my corridor...

"Ed............................................................................"

-_-'''

dat's how i got to noe wat's the name of the guy living opposite me...

is it that...

is it that when exams pressure comes ppl starts to get into depressions?

is it that when depression comes ppl start to accumulate negative thoughts?

is it that when negative thoughts come ppl start to recollect happy memories?

is it that when happy memories are being recollected ppl start to feel like going back to all those good-old days?

***

i miss my UWC benches. we can just sit there to eat, chat, and do work.

it is from those benches that i developed frenship, i will always remember.

no matter how yucky those benches once were, i really missed them now.

***

is is that when one feels bored and sleepy, one start blogging for the sake of amusement?

null disproved!

WOOHOO!

i disproved my null hypothesis!

wat's left to do now is, to do a final read-through tmr and the biblio section (which always takes me ages..)

n for now, it's stats time!

mother's day, May 14th.

sis bought purple roses, good. but out of all choice, with the addition of curry puffs? ok, fine. maybe she just wanna be special.. n cakes r boring enuf. n anyway, mum loves curry puffs. n i missed them loads. :(

called mum like 3 times but she didn't pick up. she called ard 11am cos she knew i called! haha.. apparently she did not hear my call cos she was in West Mall eating Mayim. n then they gonna eat Bali Thai for dinner. lol. jealous.

Happy Mother's Day Mummy..!!! hoped u hv received my card, n hope u liked it! mux! (she wont see my post anyway actually..)

***

btw, my null hypothesis was proven to be true. wat a disgrace to my experiment.

now i shall set 2nd null hypothesis, which i doubt it will be disprove, again. but i just want to set. hmph.

2nd null hypothesis: shean will not reach the word limit by monday afternoon.

geez. my goals r idealistic, but dat's how i need to make myself do things. if this was a lab report, i wld hv finished it earlier on. i wished i was doing a lab report, instead of this. not dat it's not interesting, but his WRITINGS r just too difficult to understand. i m just a uni student ok. argh.

anyway. i want to sleep soon n do work tmr.

i want to disprove it!

falling asleep every 5 mins.

argh.

conspiracy theory: tze shean will finish essay by sunday.

goal: to disprove null hypothesis.

sudden thought:

familiarity vs. liking. a positive relationship? perhaps dat's y we grew to like the voice of a certain singer more n more. :)

红颜薄命

我想拿着相机，到处拍摄。

East entrance那头的花，暗淡了。

红颜薄命矣。

湖边、路边的粉红花海，如今散落大地。

红颜不堪一击，经不起风雨的肆虐。

再不记载刹那的美丽瞬间，不知何时又能相见。

***第一百个post，意境却是悲观的。***

stupid me found the card.

HAHAHAHA.

blue sunday

totally refreshed after a merely less than 50 minutes exercise session - a bit of walking n more of jogging. it's not sunny, nor freezing. just a bit cold, drizzling. would hv jog slightly longer but just couldn't get use to the pathway yet. dunno where shud i jog to, n continue on to jog.

tired.

but after a shower, everything seems fine. so hungry dat i find brunch is absolutely insufficient. went to SU shop n bought snacks. ate up everything in one go. lol.

tried studying abt bio - sleep. quite interesting. but too much to read on n time is running out. maybe i shud read the summary instead. gloomy day, yes it is. surprisingly, my mood is still normal n in fact, a bit more energetic than normal. maybe it's dat morning jog n warm shower.

dinner sucked so ate noodle. quite yummy. called mummy in the afternoon. her flirtacious voice dat i once didn't really could just make me smile.

"酱好的，自己打电话来的。妈咪本来晚上要打给你的...."

my mood is generally good, besides one stupid thing dat happen. n i am pissed, i mean very very pissed abt it. sigh. I LOST THE MOTHER'S DAY CARD DAT I BOUGHT AGES AGO! i like dat very much ok! n it's purple, her fav colour! n most importantly is, i like the content! argh!! i want the same one! i dun care! i am so going to get it somehow n post it immediately! who cares abt screwing up listening exam for dat...

cool down...

okok.. not going to ruin my night cos of dis. my emotions r settled, n the decision hs been made. tmr shall b hunting-for-mother's-day-card day. ok. enuf n back to italian. i really wish to abandon my essay, now n forever.

*~a day when gloomy skies no longer pile up on my burden~*

btw spring and summer

it's the best time of the year, when one should be sitting at a quiet corner at a cosy little cafe, drinking your favourite frappucino or watever it is, reading the book that you have been anticipating for it to publish, or even a book that you have read and feel like reading it over again because it was just too good.

it's the best time of the year, when one should be gathering her best buddies, hanging out at places under the not-too-hot sunshine, chit-chatting abt those good-old days, laughing abt how stupid and naive we were, and worrying abt getting old day by day.

it's the best time of the year, when one should enjoy an early dinner, and then head towards the ice-cream cart, n indulge in a white milky dream, while strolling by the lake, yet still avoiding duck poo along the way.

it's the best time of the year, when one should be getting into sport attires, doing stretching and warm-up exercises, lengthening those flabby muscles, loosening up those tight joints, getting all set and ready for a nice jog at a scenic park.

it's the best time of the year, when one should get up early, making french toast on the stove, blending healthy juice on the blender, eating breakfast in the garden, reading the day's paper, and breathing the first fresh air of the day.

it's the best time of the year, when one should prepare home-made sandwich, wrapping them carefully in sandwich bags, and preparing package crysanthemum tea, placing everything into a picnic basket, and head towards the downs, enjoying a sunny lunch.

it's the worst time of the year, to sit down like a robot, doing routine revision, doing routine reading-up for essays, and routinely feeling sleeping after lunch, and then routinely thinking of ways to prevent oneself from falling asleep, and ended up munching on biscuits. by late afternoon, one might be doing some mini stretching to wake oneself up, and then end up chatting and browsing the net. one then goes to atrium for sucky dinner, n head back to boring room, thinking y the hell it's still bright outside.

stop.

my mood is in extreme joy today. i shall not further spoil it.

n yes, i did enjoy my white milky dream dat i bought with 1 pound, just outside Newark Hall.

I am content, yes I am. I just need another walk by the lakeside, n i promise, i will get back to study.

把文艺的自己，搁放了一旁，一段时间了。突然，很想回到那样的自己。

诗集，天气，心情，开始重燃那股热诚。

我担心，自己再也写不出什么好的东西。毕竟，很久没有碰华文书了。

去年夏天，趁在美国时的空挡，自己乱写了一则小说，还没写完。当时，写到一半，只是觉得好幼稚。那短篇小说，应该在旧电脑里吧。突然很想回顾自己写了什么蠢东西。

啊啊啊。我想上华文课。也许华文课，或任何语言课，都比这些有趣吧？

***

i like the weather. the flowers like the weather. the trees like the weather. n the bugs like the weather. :)

my study plan sticks in front of the piece of wall below the bookshelves. at dis moment, i dun think i want extra time to do stuff, i just want to get things over n done with. but when it comes to really doing things as planned, i could imagine myself yelping, 上帝！请给我多一点时间!

***

for the past few days, i hv dis weird thought of missing broadgate. odd. i miss the tranquility i guess, n also food-shopping. u noe, i can just spend hours in sains, hanging ard mostly at the bakery section. lol. can't get enuf of danish, pastries, biscuits, n all those carb food. it really doesnt matter if i dun eat meat. n it's a more of a hassle cooking meat then vege. my vege always ended up cold while jee nee is still cooking her meat dish.

ai. it's time to move ahead. i just dun noe y i keep thinking abt the past.

present. yes. come back to the present. back in newark hotel room, n keep forgetting to wear my bedroom shoes bcos of my habit dat i've developed back in broadgate. the floor is always clean bcos i vacuum it regularly, unlike here, where i need to wait for the cleaner to do it. oh, n i just love my shoes! yes. thx to cat! the yellow cute dutch shoes. even my cleaner notice them! haha..

***

ok. need to keep entries short from now on. dat's all for now.

开学了。开学了。。开学了！！！

唉。才开学第一天，就那么累了。可能是假期没有休息够吧。电力一直处于充电的阶段，可是电池还是旧的，充电时间延长，电池寿命减短。无论如何，我有信心这颗电池可以撑到2/6/06。对吧？

突然之间，大家的blog都不约而同没有update很久了。都忙吧。

加油吧。一起加油。不管是读书，工作或任何其他的事情。有志者，事竟成。老土也要说的啦。很多时候，往往最传统的观念，反而是持之不变的。

moving on

*~moving on.. with life.. MY life...~*

Good Friday:

cooked dinner for Lai Yee n myself.. hope it tasted ok for her.. hehe..
hv enjoyed cooking so far, though it does take quite a lot of time, from preparation to really cooking to washing.. but it's fun!

Holy Saturday:

was feeling a bit.. down? woke up in the morning, the earliest so in the week so far, 7a.m. felt the need for an Archangel card.

Patience ~ u r drawing closer to ur dreams faster than u think u r, but it still needs nurture n patience.

yes. patience, nurture. but, wat EXACTLY is, my d.r.e.a.m.?

in a state of melancholy for nearly the whole day, but BOLSHOI saved my day.

dreams, dreams dat will nv be realised. it was once a possibility, but i find myself soon drawing further from it, as time passes n as things changes. though still a dream, i still enjoy the occasional dwelling over such impossibilities. secretly inside, i am still a dancer, n shall always be.

Easter Sunday:

oh, n wat did i do dat day. ah yes, trying to focus on bio. no wonder i cant immediately recall, bcos it was such a boring day.

Easter Monday:

stupidly, ignored the fact that it IS still holiday for ppl out there. went to language centre, closed. went to library, closed. bah. i told myself on the route to the lib, if it does closes, i shall walk myself to the cafe in arts teatre. n yes i did. it was a nice day. but it rained a bit, but sunny most of the time. i guess the clouds were just moving too fast. i enjoyed working in a new environment, though a bit noisy due to shouting babies. i dun mind the chattings, n sound of food-preparation (i.e. the plates hitting upon each other etc.). but, the babies. a bit annoying, but when i turn n look at them, their cute faces just always manage to melt down my deep down fire.

concentrated on 2 chapters of italian dat whole afternoon. ate my home-made egg mayo sandwich, yum! n the plum i bought as well. can't leave without a cup of hot chocolate n cookie, or else i will feel guilty of sitting there all day long without buying anything from them. i was thinking, it's fun to work here. nice atmoshphere. i just love the feeling. n till today my liking for the coffee shops hs nv changed.

saw on the lakeside arts centre guide dat there will be a contemporary ballet performance in 1st june, still contemplating, whether to go or not. 2nd june hving last exam, n it's the horrible bio. hmm.

hd nice pork steak made by Jee Nee just now. n saw Cat along the way back too! hvt seen her for awhile..

nice day. nice 心情. but it's nv an excuse to get away from, study. ai.

ok. signing off here...

byebye jingle.

Jingle Tan

生于26/1/1999

死于13/4/2006

从今以后，‘Jinglebell’ 将会变成一首感伤的圣诞歌

* 我会想念你　我不会忘记
永远想念你　直到再相遇 * ~ 张震岳

bye bye, 亲爱的 Jingle.

孤单解救方案

孤单解救方案~:

a) 享受一个人的下午茶

b) 戴上耳机，仔细聆听好歌的歌词、唱腔

c) 研究食谱