time's up!

TIME'S UP!

i need motivation + determination to re-enter a life of a bookworm. a life dat has no life. a life dat i used to be familiar with.. a life dat revolves ard academic stuff.. a life dat sacrifices a lot of fun for academic stuff..

since when did i become so layed back? attending lectures just for the sake of attending them. going to school just bcos i need to. is dis me? i am lost.

today, i hope it was a good start to a new semester. a new beginning. a new realisation. self-realisation. realising dat, i hv long abandon my deepest potentials, my best efforts, my true self. but, wat n where is my true self? i could not answer, perhaps forever.

i had been too comfortable. studying in the slowest pace that i could i ever imagine. i thought i studied a lot, but reality tells me, dat isnt true. In fact, you did not studied enough. yes, n u shud feel sorry for wat u hv done, how much time n money u hv wasted, for the past half yr of a 3-yr-life in university.

do not be mistaken, i do not want to be a bookworm dat oni noes abt studying. yes, i try to improve myself in interacting with ppl ard me. yet, r those efforts fruitful? or shud i hv really spend more time, looking over words dat i do not know in a book, making notes that i should hv made, borrowing and actually reading books dat i should hv read? i dunno. perhaps wat has happened, is wat can happen best.

***

wat, in the world, is university life suppose to be?

***

i dunno wat happen to me today. i suddenly feel the need to blurt some thoughts out. perhaps, they hv been accumulating, unconsciously, in the unsconscious state of mind. Now, it has finally reach its limit, or smth has trigger the eruption of dis silent volcano, hence finally, i need to express them, all out.

well, still unanswered is the question, wat uni is abt..

is it abt, knowing more ppl from diff places? abt getting a degree? abt socialising, studying, and in essence building a pathway to the near future that we r supposedly controlling with our bare hands?

***

was i all this while, living in a state of irrational/unconscious? was i really doing wat i shud do?

i rmb a fren once told me, once u've done wat u want to do, it's time to do wat u should do. n i believe, the time has come. the time has come to seriously discipline myself. yes, i voluntarily raise all 2 hands up high into the sky and admit that i hv all dis while been lack of discipline.

rmb how did u study for IB? rmb? yes, u shud do the same, n perhaps, even more.

i hv been so long-witted. no readers could bear to dis point i guess. well, anyway, i am just trying to talk myself through. at the least, i felt i am more conscious now. more aware of wat my next action is going to be. i am serious dis time.

priority 1st. always rmb.


*~self-actualisation~* @ 01:37, 070206.