a desensitised embodiment of failure.

the whole day i have been thinking
thinking
thinking

all i know to do is think.
but what IS the point? thinking doesn't make you smart, doesn't solve problem, doesn't make you successful.
this is MY problem.

i only know how to think.

who can i blame?
no one.

what else do i know how to do? i am good at desensitizing myself.
seldom do i reveal
seldom do i express
i am a desensitized embodiment.


i hate myself.
for being so normal.
for being so average.
for being so general.

for the whole day today.
i cant stop hating myself when being left alone.
for the 1st time, i feel lonely.
lonely becos i cant come to terms with myself.
i really do not know what to do.
so lost, so sad, so depressed.


i have lost myself.

i know when i wake up tmr
everything will be alright
but i know that
this does not mean that the problem has ended, it has merely found a place behind my brain cells
a place where i do not yet need to access
until i meet another failure.

i failed myself
for being so inefficient

i failed myself
for being of no use and no good

i failed myself
for not being able to do anything about myself

i failed myself
for not knowing myself enough

i do not even know who i am.
i do not know my true feelings, my true ability, my true self

who am i?

i do not know.

i will keep thinking. until i fall asleep. if, i ever will.