望着手提电话，无聊得想开始乱sms人。无奈，不懂那个受害者是谁。有时候，如果生命中，有一个人可以陪着你，也像你一样无聊地sms，是不是会让寂寞的空气，增添少许的笑容呢？

如果很久没有伤心的感觉，会不会很奇怪？不是开心的时候，却又不像是伤心的时候，真得很奇怪。于是，开始在电脑播起所谓伤心的歌，想让自己有一个可以解释的情绪。

今天，我和妹妹坐计程车出去。一路上，我们没有说话。其实，这很正常，我本来也不感觉有什么异样。但是，如果坐我旁边的人，不是妹妹，而是别人，例如说，一个不是很熟的朋友，我就会觉得空气蔓延着很尴尬的气氛，好像一秒没有东西讲就表示我们是没有话说的朋友。不知道，这也许只是我奇怪的想法。

没话说了，我现在正在想，到底此刻的情绪是什么。

无聊篇

一天一天的过去，9月快到了啦！没想到，那么快我就要飞到老远的英国去了。

哎，好像还有一大堆的事还没做似的。还没见完朋友，还没买完要带去的东西，还没办完该办的手续，还没有收拾任何的东西，还没收拾心情。

我是很期待全新的生活体验，可能是因为住在这个无聊的家很久了吧。每天不是看电视，就是上网，每天都计划要收拾乱糟糟的书桌，可是永远都不会去做。

hiwayu的书也看得7788了...只剩下《这是我的答案》and 《听笨金鱼唱歌》。可是，一直买不到《听》... 气死了啦。。。

天啊。。。为什么CD这样贵！我又想买CD了。。因为啊。。觉得download很缺德。。哈哈。。虽然我已经dl了很多很多首啦。。

yeah!明天我和朋友去义达的签唱会哦！虽然不是义达的超级粉丝，也可以替妹妹拿签名啦！因为她比我疯狂！老实说，义达的歌真的是越听越棒哦！

哎呀。。。太久没有写东西原来是会生疏的。。现在，也不知道要写什么了啦。等我的生活精彩一点才写好了。

拜。

用一半的心

突然之间，我发觉我变得很表面化。其实，更正确地，应该是说，我发现我是一个很表面的人。做事情只用一半的心，因此在乎的通常都是结果，而不是过程。明明所有事情的过程永远都重要过结果。可是，社会告诉我们，我们要看到你成功的结果，不是有多辛苦的过程。

减肥。很多人为了减肥，动手术这个那个，出现很多十年前会觉得很匪夷所思，甚至是不道德的事。到了现在，道德的标准变了。所以，N年以后，也许复制人类已经是合法的了。

盗版。人们在意的是成果。你的CD好听，很多人就会download，管你是花了半年还是三年完成的专辑。电影也是一样。

听歌。我们习惯听歌，先听到旋律。这没有错。但是，因为用一半的心去听，所以只听到了音乐，忽略了歌词的部分。一首商业歌，好不好听，好像最重要。我也是这样。很多时候，听歌就只听旋律。那好啊，不用歌词也罢！就不知道为什么，最近开始留意比较没那么商业化的专辑。买了蓝亦邦的专辑，还有coldplay 的。老实说，两者的music都不是很catchy，不是一听就喜欢的那种。但我开始留意歌词，发现我喜欢歌词多过音乐。歌词的内涵，把我带入音乐，所以我才留意到了音乐。这种歌，比较能够让人感动很久。

当然，不能只听这样的音乐。因为有时候，唱歌的人也是很重要。若要我选择，我宁愿听一个会唱歌的人唱不好听的歌，好过。。

i've lost the sense of not belonging, n so i've lost my sensibilty. 曾经一度的迷惘错乱，寂寞孤单，反而让我专心的利用我的感性。生活变得平顺，一切变得很自然，没什么事需要操心的，也因为这样，我失去了我洞察人性的感情。我失去了观察的能耐，把重心移植到满足社会人应该拥有的欲望。欲望越多，也同时失去的感觉更多。寂寞时发掘出来的观察能力，也随即逐渐消失。

可是，我没理由重头寂寞。寂寞不好受。所以，我要学习如何满足表面化的成就的同时，不忘记内心真正的挣扎，真正想寻找的东西。我不知道那会是什么，因为我还在寻找。心曾经引领我去到了灰暗的深渊，环境后来把我拉出来。但是，我却从此渐渐把心灵给遗忘，开始更了解这个迟早都会坏掉的臭皮囊。心灵，纵使让我很不快乐过，也让我成长得很多。现在，我想回到我的心灵深处，触摸那个伤口，让真正的感动让它慢慢痊愈，真正地痊愈并成长得更健康。

我要学着，用我所有的心，去完成生活上的大大小小的事。

dis hols.. i've been travelling..

i went from Newark to K.L... experienced the hazy days in K.L. n a trip to redbox! best place to be when there's hot sun or bad haze out there.. n of course.. a taste of hawker food... went to Alison hawker stall twice.. ate curry noodle the 1st time.. n 怡保芽菜鸡 the 2nd time.. n certainly.. nv missed out on 炒果条! the best eva~ sum how.. i miss small portion of meals.. n all those carbo! ahha...

after 2 days at K.L... went to sg again... i tot i wasnt gonna be back in here anymore u noe! haah.. but who noes.. i am back again! rite i pass the imm... took a taxi from West Mall to Cine.. met up with 89s! it was ur last meeting.. but hey 89s! if u all r reading dis.. dat will NOT be our last meeeting!! bcos.. i think i will be able to go to 义达's 签名会 after all!! yeah!! mum said dat we will be staying till the end of the mth.. n i already told her abt going! yeah! so happy! wanna meet 89s again! ops.. hvn't send u all the taiwan pics.. sowie...will do it later i finish blogging.. :P

ohwell.. guess wat! my fren told me dat the sky in K.L. was clear today! wat........ hmph! fine! after we go to sg, the sky wind decides to change it's direction? duh! anyways.. i shud be happy rite? haha...

many things to buy here in sg... today just bought U87-- Eason 陈奕迅's CD.. can't find 蓝亦邦’s 无非想快乐 in West Mall.. act.. when i went out with 89s.. i saw it in orchard popular.. but not enuf money to buy at dat time! argh! so.. guess i will hv to keep trying.. really need to get updated b4 going to UK..

quite excited abt going to UK... a lot of new things will happen i guess.. 1st time away from parents for a yr.. dat's the least to say.. entering a whole new environment is wat's most anticipating! hope can meet up with Bro Mike.. n go chinatown n KTV? n also wanna meet up with 892 in London! KTV too! haahah.... i am really a KTV freak! but it's good! i luv singin!!!!!

i'm way too excited now... shall listen to dear Eason sing now... haha.. n post those pics to 89s.. b4 they threaten to kill me.. haha..

home sweet home

when smth come to an end, we r always reluctant to say goodbye.

been in US for 1 n a half mth...at 1st, din really like US... dunno y.. but of coz.. dat may be sum kind of prejudice... but now.. i realise.. i like the place just like any other place dat is foreign to me... dat is new to me... i like it.. cos the place i live in for the past mth was like a small town... no bad traffic.. no polluted air.. no extreme weather due to concrete..

i remember.. the 1st week here was the beginning of summer.. the atmosphere still has an essence of spring air.. n the mornings are often cloudy.. n one of those mornings.. my dad, mum n me... went to jogging along the road.. the weather was so cooling.. just like those in genting or cameron highlands... n we pass by nice n cosy lil hses.. with beautiful xmas trees in front of their hses.. n they nv hv fencing... unlike msia... their postbox r so beautiful too.. then we went to a family restaurant n had excellent american breakfast... despite the portion was too big.

after dad left, the weather turn hotter... everyday... i hv to apply sunblock lotion.... after sister left for treatment... me n mum wld then walk around chester town to search for a coffee shop to hv breakfast.... those mornings n free afternoons.... i manage to finish one chinese novel n one english novel..

we shopped a lot.... bcos.. there is nth left to do? haha...i think so... i had a mth of eating, drinking n shopping.... though... i hv to say... still derive of sleep... hols r suppose to be for sleeping... as in no alarm clock to ring u up every morning...

n finally... we hv to leave.... i am now in Newark Airport... usingthis lowsy computer dat is so slow.... it had caused me to become angry... n the anger chased all the inspirtaion away.... ok.. time to leave.. as i'll be boarding...soon...

i wanna dance!!

i wanna attend professional dance lessons again!!!

i hv been watching dis programme on fox channel here in US.. they r showing a new programme produced by the same producer of American Idol, called "So You Think You Can Dance"... i miss the 1st one hr of this 1hr n a half episode today... but the last half an hr is enuf to make me feel like dancing!!!

there was a part where one dancer dance to the music in cls... while the choreographer n the others watch.. n u noe wat! he danced until he break into tears! but of coz, he kept dancing... n the other contestants who were watching together also start crying!! so emotional! n he was dancing a modern dance routine!! ohno~ i felt like joining them dat moment!!

i dun care! i am seriously gonna go for dance lessons in uni! too bad nottingham doesn't hav modern.. but they ballet, jazz n hip-hop~ i wonder if it's ok for me to go to all of them! haha..

n then.. went for 2 yoga lessons since i was here.. the lessons were cool! i liked them! they were more advanced than those dat i use to go to during grade 11.. oni for a term though.. haha..but the 2 lessons dat i went in here were great! havent been sweating from doing stretching etc etc for yrs! i enjoy sweating after all those body movements! but i think i wont be able to attend another one here already.. since i am leaving soon~ haihz..i hope they hv yoga/pilates in nott! i hope they do!!

tmr going to NY once more.. this time going to chinatown! going to eat chinese lunch! yahoo! ciao now... hv to wake up tmr.. for breakfast at Perkins Family Restaurant.. yeah~ boy am i gonna gain weight! gosh~

book baton

Ok 893!! argh~~ haah.. jkjk..

number of books owned:
what! what kind of Q is dis? ok.. do u mean from when i was in kindergarten? or wat! for god sake! how would i noe?

The last book I bought:
hmm... last book i bought in in Taiwan... 《十年的你》 by 藤井树! finish reading it already! yeah~ nice book... his style is becoming more mature.. n more open? I mean..笔触更加大胆。 the "feel" is not the same as the others...


Five books that mean a lot to me:
wow.. not an easy question u noe~

ok... i think one of them will be..方文山的《演好自己的偶像剧》。 the book is not with me now.. so not so sure if the title was rite... it's oni until after i read dis book, my inspiration of writing poetic things is becoming more vivid to me... i think...

i dunno if dis is one of them too... er.. 刘墉的萤窗小语。i borrowed it in the library.. i think it was primary or secondary? can't really remember... anyways... i learnt dat.. i hv to write down wat i c or wat i tot in order to collect inspiration...

n then..of coz... 《B栋11楼》！after reading dis book, i knew i would be in luv with hiyawu's book! n i did! it's so nice!!! i am hoping to get all of his books!

2 left! so difficult! maybe... 《小王子》... the little prince... it's nice i think..but 在N年前就已经忘记里面的内容了... 只记得面包树.... i wanna read again... i remember the preface said if u read it in different ages, u will gain different things.. so wanna read it again..

n... 几米的... i can't remember the title! but his books r nice... expecially dat one... his imagination is wild... uses cute graphics to express his tots.. which also reflects the nature of human beings.. n the society...


Five people to whom become the next victims :
do u think any of the ppl dat i mention will actually go do dis things? i dunno.. so.. i refuse to ans dis question..