把文艺的自己，搁放了一旁，一段时间了。突然，很想回到那样的自己。

诗集，天气，心情，开始重燃那股热诚。

我担心，自己再也写不出什么好的东西。毕竟，很久没有碰华文书了。

去年夏天，趁在美国时的空挡，自己乱写了一则小说，还没写完。当时，写到一半，只是觉得好幼稚。那短篇小说，应该在旧电脑里吧。突然很想回顾自己写了什么蠢东西。

啊啊啊。我想上华文课。也许华文课，或任何语言课，都比这些有趣吧？

***

i like the weather. the flowers like the weather. the trees like the weather. n the bugs like the weather. :)

my study plan sticks in front of the piece of wall below the bookshelves. at dis moment, i dun think i want extra time to do stuff, i just want to get things over n done with. but when it comes to really doing things as planned, i could imagine myself yelping, 上帝！请给我多一点时间!

***

for the past few days, i hv dis weird thought of missing broadgate. odd. i miss the tranquility i guess, n also food-shopping. u noe, i can just spend hours in sains, hanging ard mostly at the bakery section. lol. can't get enuf of danish, pastries, biscuits, n all those carb food. it really doesnt matter if i dun eat meat. n it's a more of a hassle cooking meat then vege. my vege always ended up cold while jee nee is still cooking her meat dish.

ai. it's time to move ahead. i just dun noe y i keep thinking abt the past.

present. yes. come back to the present. back in newark hotel room, n keep forgetting to wear my bedroom shoes bcos of my habit dat i've developed back in broadgate. the floor is always clean bcos i vacuum it regularly, unlike here, where i need to wait for the cleaner to do it. oh, n i just love my shoes! yes. thx to cat! the yellow cute dutch shoes. even my cleaner notice them! haha..

***

ok. need to keep entries short from now on. dat's all for now.

开学了。开学了。。开学了！！！

唉。才开学第一天，就那么累了。可能是假期没有休息够吧。电力一直处于充电的阶段，可是电池还是旧的，充电时间延长，电池寿命减短。无论如何，我有信心这颗电池可以撑到2/6/06。对吧？

突然之间，大家的blog都不约而同没有update很久了。都忙吧。

加油吧。一起加油。不管是读书，工作或任何其他的事情。有志者，事竟成。老土也要说的啦。很多时候，往往最传统的观念，反而是持之不变的。

moving on

*~moving on.. with life.. MY life...~*

Good Friday:

cooked dinner for Lai Yee n myself.. hope it tasted ok for her.. hehe..
hv enjoyed cooking so far, though it does take quite a lot of time, from preparation to really cooking to washing.. but it's fun!

Holy Saturday:

was feeling a bit.. down? woke up in the morning, the earliest so in the week so far, 7a.m. felt the need for an Archangel card.

Patience ~ u r drawing closer to ur dreams faster than u think u r, but it still needs nurture n patience.

yes. patience, nurture. but, wat EXACTLY is, my d.r.e.a.m.?

in a state of melancholy for nearly the whole day, but BOLSHOI saved my day.

dreams, dreams dat will nv be realised. it was once a possibility, but i find myself soon drawing further from it, as time passes n as things changes. though still a dream, i still enjoy the occasional dwelling over such impossibilities. secretly inside, i am still a dancer, n shall always be.

Easter Sunday:

oh, n wat did i do dat day. ah yes, trying to focus on bio. no wonder i cant immediately recall, bcos it was such a boring day.

Easter Monday:

stupidly, ignored the fact that it IS still holiday for ppl out there. went to language centre, closed. went to library, closed. bah. i told myself on the route to the lib, if it does closes, i shall walk myself to the cafe in arts teatre. n yes i did. it was a nice day. but it rained a bit, but sunny most of the time. i guess the clouds were just moving too fast. i enjoyed working in a new environment, though a bit noisy due to shouting babies. i dun mind the chattings, n sound of food-preparation (i.e. the plates hitting upon each other etc.). but, the babies. a bit annoying, but when i turn n look at them, their cute faces just always manage to melt down my deep down fire.

concentrated on 2 chapters of italian dat whole afternoon. ate my home-made egg mayo sandwich, yum! n the plum i bought as well. can't leave without a cup of hot chocolate n cookie, or else i will feel guilty of sitting there all day long without buying anything from them. i was thinking, it's fun to work here. nice atmoshphere. i just love the feeling. n till today my liking for the coffee shops hs nv changed.

saw on the lakeside arts centre guide dat there will be a contemporary ballet performance in 1st june, still contemplating, whether to go or not. 2nd june hving last exam, n it's the horrible bio. hmm.

hd nice pork steak made by Jee Nee just now. n saw Cat along the way back too! hvt seen her for awhile..

nice day. nice 心情. but it's nv an excuse to get away from, study. ai.

ok. signing off here...

byebye jingle.

Jingle Tan

生于26/1/1999

死于13/4/2006

从今以后，‘Jinglebell’ 将会变成一首感伤的圣诞歌

* 我会想念你　我不会忘记
永远想念你　直到再相遇 * ~ 张震岳

bye bye, 亲爱的 Jingle.

孤单解救方案

孤单解救方案~:

a) 享受一个人的下午茶

b) 戴上耳机，仔细聆听好歌的歌词、唱腔

c) 研究食谱

生日

20 分钟之前，我正式步入19岁的第二天。

Happy Birthday to me, yesterday.

曾经想过好几次，生日，到底真正的意义在哪里？

有人说，要感谢母亲，因为是母亲最辛苦，在那一天把我们生下来。

生日，是一个人诞生的纪念日。生日的昨天，和生日的明天，又有什么分别？

够了。虽然是生日的明天了，也不需要那么沉重。

....

19岁的生日，我的心情一直是平静的，没有不开心，只有平静的开心。这样最好，因为我最不喜欢超级开心、超级High过后的空虚与沉静。那样对我来说，会稍微抹去之前开心的那种感觉。倒是平静的开心，可以延续很久，很久。

平静的开心，什么意思？

应该说，是那种小小的快乐吧。

下午的时候，我决定做午餐给flat mate, jee nee吃。虽然我所作的午餐 ( french toast ) 比较像早餐啦。不过很开心，也不知为什么。然后我们吃了strawberry trifle，是她之前就买的。本来她不知道我生日，后来通过msn发现了，她还说真不应该让我做午餐。

朋友们的msn祝贺，妈咪的长途电话，妹可爱又令人感动的post+ 《祝我生日快乐》，朋友的e-card, 爸的e-card.. 所有的祝福拼凑起来，快乐和感动都变成了幸福。

rachel煮饭邀请我过去吃，然后还有'cake'，哈，又是strawberry trifle。

我的主题蛋糕 = strawberry trifle

还有，saturday的b'day surprise, 谢谢你们!

简简单单，我似乎却更加快乐。知足，真的常乐。谢谢大家，成全了我平静的快乐。

***

祝我，生日快乐。19岁的天空，还有364天。让快乐持续蔓延，布满蔚蓝的天空。

Germany Pics

for those who cant take a ga zillion words.. here's some graphic images.. n really need to perk up my site a lil'.. too wordy.. so here goes..

yess..food foood n more food.. all yummy things ate in germany.

Hamburg @ a Glance.

A Glimpse at Berlin ~ our day tour.

day 5 : home sweet home

Germany 之旅就到此。不管之后有多少个 “哎呀! 做么没有去XXX的？？？”，至少当下是满足的，也许那样就足够了。

London, yes, we r leaving for London.

必须搭7点的火车，否则会赶不上9.30的飞机，安全起见，还是7.30a.m. check-in 比较好。

Breakfast @ berlin airport, lunch @ London Stansted airport。

没有做什么，就这样，火车 --> 飞机 --> 巴士。原来这样也可以很累的。

dinner @ no. 1 buffet. it was Mary's B'day! Hope she liked her present.. hehe..

旅行结束了，K书的日子从此展开。无奈，我花了好久的时间才进入些许的study mood。唉。

**后记：我好像，一句 German 都没有学到.....

Day 4: Berlin一日游

来到了异地，最重要是感受那里的异国风情。今天，几乎完完全全，像一个游客一样。至少，没白花了飞机票的钱。不，应该说，没有白花 train ticket 的钱，反正 London - Hamburg + Berlin - London 的 return 机票，和 Hamburg - Berlin 的 single车票，价钱不相上下。

好了，从头说起吧。

重蹈覆辙，闹钟set迟了1 hr，又是时差 + 疏忽惹的祸。完了，我的完美早餐。完了。还好，早餐不及Malaysian-style buffet breakfast 丰富。可是，我的 German Bread！ 我真的还没吃够，只因，我真的太爱Brown + Multigrain + Wholemeal 的面包。算了。

基本上，没必要这样赶咯。真的超级讨厌这种感觉 - 你死命赶却到头来原来是没有这个必要。不过，那天本人心情靓，不跟这种无聊事情计较。

上了tourist bus，就这样跟随着地图，爽stop那里，就stop那里。一开始，旅程感觉还蛮沉闷的。又是教堂，又是博物馆，柏林闷不闷一点啊。首先是一些文化中心的地方，然后是 Jewish Mesuem。接着，来到了重点之一，Checkpoint Charlie。

Checkpoint Charlie，记载了人们用之不尽的诡计。为了生存，想尽了无数的方法，逃离被管制、被拘束的生活。人力资源足够的拚了老命计划挖洞逃离计划，其他的绞尽脑汁藏入行李箱里。我记得，有一名女子试图藏入两个连在一起、相通的行李箱里，然后丈夫就这样抬着“她”走。混水摸鱼。幸好，没有被发现。总之，Berlin Wall 的开始，除了呈现了恐慌，也激起了人们为生存而缔造出的无限可能。

ok。沉闷的就不多说。

Lunch Time！没想到随机应变的午餐，味道还蛮不错的。我们尝试了当地的Kebap，虽然不是道地德国食物，Kebap却是德国人，柏林人习惯性吃的食物。便宜又大分又好吃。Kebap Doner，好饱。

为了午餐，差点儿搭不到车。冒着急性盲肠炎的危机，我们4人跟着旅游巴士一起跑。超白痴。上了车，好睏好睏。我和 Suzanne在车上又睡又醒的，想，一定是午餐作祟。本来决定在 Brandenburger Tor下车，结果，车子竟然没停！我们4人只得在下一个站停车。原来，不准备下车= 你没有下车的打算。@#)(%!%&

结果，我们像汪洋中的4条船一样，被停在了middle of no where。然后，天气又那么地配合我们，准备了大风大雨迎接，我们差点就顺流飘到荒岛去了。两把雨伞，一把终于宣告结束生命，幸好，还为它拍了遗照。我们逆着风向，好不容易找到了那个Brandenburger Tor （Brandenburg Gate），急忙拿出相机死命照相。接着，我们打算废掉无聊的巴士之旅，展开全新的 Walking Tour。

自此以后，我们靠着我们的眼睛，看到似景点的建筑物，就往那里走去。就这样，我们无意间到了Humboldt University，Lustgarten，Berliner Dom 等等不知名的旅游景点。最后一站，Berliner Dom，大家都累得随便坐在Lustgarten的木椅上，然后我专心地在寻找晚餐的好去处。不懂是什么动力/力量/冲动，我们决定走进Berliner Dom 一探究竟。结果，一进就是半个小时。

半个小时，因为教堂在举行bible study + prayer + singing session。3 个非基督教徒坐在后排，另1个基督徒跑去了前排坐着，专心的祷告，听教。教堂的装潢，永远都是那么高尚华丽，而神父总是那么慈祥。不管任何宗教，教主总是拥有同样的神情，同样的博爱 + 仁慈的神态。在陌生的国度里，感受陌生的宗教的熏陶，真是特别的体验。周围的人开始高唱圣歌，我留意着远处弹钢琴的那个人。教堂的钢琴声，总是格外的不一样。

30分钟之后，继续摸索着方向。我心里打定了算盘，要到一家名为 Weihenstephaner 的餐厅去。据旅游指南所说，it delivers a "hey, this is Germany!" experience，还有，那里好像有不错的啤酒。跟着map的方向走，我们就这样来到了一个看起来还蛮高档的街道。一件souvenir shop吸引了我们的目光，因而也赚了不少我们的钱，是4个人的钱。

晚餐，还是没有着落。害怕走错方向，却还是像个导游一般，带着其余3人一同走。幸运的，给我找到了 Hackescher Markt Station，松了一口气。4天下来的导游之称，不是浪得虚名。

不必多说，吃得当然好。最重要的，喝的也不赖。不苦的啤酒，Hefeweissbier (Wheat Yeast Beer) ，新鲜，所以甘甜。

不知是否是昨日吃得太少，Rachel说想吃Haagen Dazs。ok。反正也只是离开 restaurant 几步路而已。为此，她还特地跑去check Haagen Dazs 的打烊时间。无语。

还好是share着吃，一方面也是为了留些位子给甜点。不敢相信，我竟然和 Li Yen 共用2 scoops + 2 toppings, 然后 我 + Rachel + Li Yen 又 share了 Brownies + ice cream。平均计算，一共是1又2/3的冰淇淋+ 1/3的 brownies + 1/3 的 whip cream。当然，这是保守估计。实际上，我吃得最多。

1 scoop Bailey + 1 scoop Summer Berries 味道还ok，就是那层巧克力汁破坏了，太甜了。
1 scoop Vanilla + 1 scoop Cookies n Cream + 1 Scoop Whipcream + 1 slice brownie = 天堂。

满足。饱。涨。糟糕。肥。

接了的士回家，检讨一下，发觉17欧元 City Circle Tour 实在太浪费了，打不如我们自行游走，或是4人share cab来得便宜又方便。

到了，终于到了hotel！又累又乐又饱。洗个澡，看个电视，和周公下下棋，明早就不要再迟到，因为飞机是不等人的。

Day 3: Leisure @ Berlin

柏林。一个有血有泪的城市。成为德国的首都仅仅10年的光景。成长的痕迹，记载于一座又一座的维修。历史，我是还给了老师。可就突然，很想重新回到课本里。不，应该是，更深一层、更具体地，想去了解，一个城市的过去。就像了解一个人的过去一样，说不定可以剖析人/城市如今的风范。

然，2天的流连，只让我留下了一段微不足道的，印象。

到了Zoo Station, 花了一番时间与功夫，计划 + 弄清楚方向。 明日之行程规划，去 Berlin Airport 的 Train, etc. Check-in了酒店，休息片刻，前往吃中饭：离酒店不远的餐厅，Schildkröte。（意思为何不晓得，只知道也许和乌龟有关）我敢说，那次是最棒的午餐，最道地的午餐 -- Pork Knuckles。我们的结论是，连Germany 的 Potato 都比英国好吃得多。

That day, 就只是随地逛逛。我们住的地方，是最靠近shopping的地方。那天，真得没有什么。晚上回酒店，看了Germany's Next Top Model，主持人，Heidi Klum。不明白他们说什么，就只透过身体语言去了解，还不错啦。

**后记 (1) ：典型的德国名字，Kurt。
**后记 （2）：计划赶不上变化，所谓的itinery都跟不上一半。

明日的entry，将会超级超级精彩，如果读者不嫌它超级长的话。

Day 2 @ Hamburg

Day 2.. yes, we were planning, planning to wake up as early as 8a.m. to start REALLY touring ard the city of Hamburg, and to experience a day as a tourist. And of course, we did not!

Germany is an hour ahead of UK. I set my h.p. alarm for 8a.m. and it of course oni started ringing at 9.a.m. Germany time. $#%^&*(&^%$#. Suzanne watch me get up snoozing my hp alarm N times, n finally both of us got fed up and i just off the alarm. In the end, we woke up at like.. 11a.m.? yeah. standard timing for a holiday. but certainly not for a holiday trip. geez. we all washed up, 4 of us, and quickly hd some breakfast, 烧卖 from Holland, i wonder why. and i drank a delicious 豆奶麦片，yum. i can't rmb wat time we departed, 5 of us, including Suzanne's Aunty, to make sure that 4 'innocent' gals do not get lost.

We took train after train, making good use of the Suburban railway system or "S-Bahn", from Kaltenkirchen Station to Hauptbahnhof, which took us a total of 1hr, roughly, to finally reach the city centre of Hamburg, Germany's second largest city after Berlin.

Shopping is once again, everywhere, Suzanne's favourite H & M, my favourite MNG, Zara. (hmm.. we dun c top shop there though..) but our focus is not on shopping. we r here to conquer the history. buek. ok. not really. but Hamburg is still a historical town, with a few churches side by side, St. Petri, St. Nikolai, St. Michaelis etc etc. Actually, we spent quite some time, randomly walking ard town, just to let our eyes get use to Hamburg. In the middle of all modern buildings, we came across Rathaus, Hamburg's City Hall. We then ate some currywurst, German sausage with some curry powder. After our 'standing' meal, (u c, we hd to stand while eating as the sausage were sold on the road side). we started exploring, first the inner-lakes of the city, Aussenalster, taking a few shots of lakes, together with geese and ducks.

We move on, to the southern part of the city, the sea-port. I was planning to visit the Cap San Diego （the last remaining cargo freighters, turned musuem), but seems like the time do not allow us to do so, or rather, we didnt find it in time to visit it. Instead, we went on the Harbour tour, gazing at huge logistic ships, from as near as France, London, to as far as China (and ships from China are really damn huge ok..). Poor Aunty did not wanted to come along on board the quite empty touring ship, so she waited for us for an hr! really hv to thank her for bringing us ard..

Finally, we just had to visit one of the many churches, we rmb seeing lots of churches, but not knowing their names, but in the end, we decided to visit the oldest-looking of all. It was hard-work finding it, we passed by Fleetinsel, and finally reached 'the church'. We were guessing, is it the oldest main church, St. Petri or is it smth else？Only until just now, when i look back at all the research that i have done (hopefully not in vain), it turned out to be St. Nikolai, the FORMER main church, which was destroyed in 1842 and 1943, n now an anti-war monument. Ha. No wonder the outlook is kinda, 'black n burnt'.

Then, it was dinner, @ a chinese restaurant. Rmb the son of the owner of a chinese restaurant, yes, the same one. The food was good, enuf, and filling. Of course, the traditions of chinese, frens maa.. so no need to pay la.. no need.. really no need la.. so, we ended again, eating for free. We already travelled for free, thx to Aunty... n now.. we r planning to buy smth for them in UK and post to them as a thank-u gift, n there is no way they can reject it now. Ha.

After meal, we sat n chatted, waiting for the son of the owner of the restaurant, ok, make it easy, er, Denny, to finish his work there as a waiter. Then, we headed of to the famous red-light district. It's my first time to RLD, n i think i wont wanna go back there again. It was new stuff to me, as everything is so concentrated in one small area, ok, actually a few stretch of streets, but still, everything altogether. got a bit sick of it, but then, it was 大开眼界，i guess.

home it is. 1a.m. tmr, wat time will be get up? well, we hv to! we bought 11.30a.m. train ticket to Berlin, n this time, i MUST set my alarm one hr earlier. the next morning, i was the 1st to wake up, 7.am. in need of a shower n proper wash-up b4 bidding goodbye to all the hospitality that we received, n facing the new challenge ahead, 4 of us, alone.

德国之旅~回忆录之 Hamburg Day (1)

Second Monday of easter break. i am sitting at Arlina's table (which is now tidier n cleaner than it used to be, =p), trying to recall my Germany trip with fellow hall mates which ended last Friday.

***

::: 德国之旅~回忆录之 Hamburg Day (1) :::

上个星期日，凌晨12点钟，往 Broadmarsh Station 方向驶去。 4点，凌晨，到达 London Stansted 机场，拖着越10kg 的行李，拖着更疲惫的身躯，check-in for Ryan Air to Hamburg。 在 Ponti's Mangiare Bene 的一间意大利咖啡厅，吃了sultana crossaint，喝了camomile tea。6.25a.m.，上机没多久，4人累得睡到不省人事。

Finally，到达 Hamburg-Lubeck 机场， 等待 Suzanne 伯父之余，喝了 Hot Chocolate, 我吃了salami bread roll。看map看到团团转，怎么还不见她伯父到来？？结果，去错了机场。 （好多乌鸦飞过.....)

上了车，看了约一个小时的沿途风景，和英国郊外没两样的风景，某家 Hamburg 华人餐厅的老板的儿子，载着我和 Rachel 和我们的行李，终于到达 Hamburg 住宿两夜的家。突然，想起了在 London 的时候，同 Si Jie 住的家，同样的那股异国华侨温馨。

那一天，星期一下午，大家都很累，在伯父家吃了味精面，外加伯母亲手做的叉烧，还有酿豆腐，好好吃。伯母说，这里什么都得自己来，自己做。然后我们四个三八的女生，开始谈起外国华人的生活，尤其像伯母年纪的中年人士，生活之乏味。曾经，我曾经想过，年迈之时，移居到 Brighton去。以前，两三年前吧，曾经到那里去 visit Roedean School，感觉那里很舒服，小丘上的 little cottage，面海的风景，养老最适合不过。在那里开一间yoga/pilates + 身心灵的辅导中心，亲力亲为也好，顾问也好；闲空的时候，阅读人生必看的100本书，研究茶道，研究各种我当时会有兴趣的学问....

填饱了肚子，整个午后，4人就这样跟随伯父的私家车，从一个Shopping地点，到另一家Shopping centre。H & M, Esprit (比 M'sia/Sg. 贵好多好多，几乎与名牌同价），就只买了一件黑色的blouse，吃了Gelati (Pistachio + Ammerato, 赞！）。晚餐，回到伯父家，洗澡后，9点多到伯父朋友家里，吃了挺丰盛的华人晚餐。伯父的朋友，环境似乎挺不错，还有 Karaoke System，我们因而唱到1a.m.，晚餐吃完了还塞进了不少花生 etc etc。好饱。那天，是伯父的朋友的儿子15岁生日，可是那男孩看起来，像18岁一般。。 好成熟。

其中一位aunty，曾经在 Menard 学美容，问她是否认识我妈，她好像都不认识。奇怪了。

那天，一点都不像到外地旅行，就像探亲一般。不过，这道也好，至少探讨了华侨在那里的生活，大家都很照料彼此，因为毕竟，肤色同样的人，在那里是屈指可数。