离开明年只剩下22个小时

许久都没有新的post.

生活过得太舒服，恨不得现在就是暑假，而不是短暂的圣诞假期。

突然，多了一些复杂的感受。

是痛，是泪。
是渴望，是奢望，是期盼。
是遗憾，是惋惜，是不舍得。

渴望因为不曾拥有过，奢望因为很难得到却又很想要，期盼因为对一切的渴望与奢望依旧抱着希望。
遗憾因为好像不曾好好地珍惜，惋惜因为从未用心去体会、没有把握机会去争取心里想要得到的，舍不得因为还不想放手、还想继续拥有现有的快乐、还想拥抱着回忆。

做人啊，太贪心，就会不快乐。

偶尔想一想，妙想天开地踏入2005年的最后一天。

至少，我仍旧带着一颗炙热的，存放着热腾腾的希望的，红红的心。

一切的期盼，给了明年。

当你离开明年，只剩下不到22个小时的时候，有没有想过自己应该抱着什么心态和什么心情去面对，今年的最后一天，和明年的第一天呢？

***

p.s. : 我想回归到，最自然最真的友谊。我想再次与你们相聚，我的老友们。

pigging out

sleepy afternoon. 停留在英国的时光。stuck in time.. stuck in a different time zone.

desparate to:
eat good food --> do i still care abt gaining weight when i keep stuffing myself with
sumptuous meals n chocolates?
ktv!!!!!!!! --> i dun mind going everyday... in order to 'collect' ktv moments to last me till next
summer.
wat else... can't think of others now... brain dead...

***

不可以睡，但我很累。

tmr going out wif dear cousin.. parents always bc.. stuck at home.. cos not allowed to go out dat often..

need to start planning when to study wat.. friday summore departing to pangkor for xmas n the weekends..

oh well.. i need to go eat chocoloate now..

home, sweet home?

so many things had happen.. n i dunno where to start from... met Si Jie in london: two days of recollection of the primary school yrs and sharing of life, in general.. i felt so easy... though we really haven't c each other for such a long time! words really cannot explain everything.. but i really enjoy those two days.. n till now, i still can't believe i actually can meet up with her in london.. watched STOMP in london! it was amazing...

***

i almost can't get on the plane.. thx to msian airlines.. overbooked flight... thank god i still got on the plane n checked in half n hr b4 departure.. close call..

***

watched 2 n a 1/2 movies on the plane: chocolat, drink drank drunk, half of aviator.
really love to watch movies so so much la.. slept so lil' yet not exactly feeling much of the jet lag.. still can eat xenri normally n happily..

***

monday went to 1U with xmas n eeling.. n also went to the curve.. bought small thingies.. accesories stuff.. but i soon need to get more clothings n sandals n hat etc..

***

not anymore energetic to blog now.. i was.. when i was experiencing happier moments.. but now.. i realise i miss UK..
i miss.. the freedom.. the freedom to go wherever, do watever, sleep whenever, do hw whenever etc etc.. n now.. i cant go wherever n whenever i like.. i need to do an xtra thing all the time.. ask permission.. dis sucks..
i miss UK also cos.. i dun hv to think abt family issues, no matter it's parents, cousins, or others.. but back in msia.. it's diff.. i can onli console myself with food food n more food.. no freedom sucks.. but nevertheless... more time with family..
thank god i still have a lovely home..

***

i swear i will learn how to drive.. n hopefully after dat.. i get to do more wat i want to do.. but then again.. maybe at 18 of age, i am just wanting too much.. too much..

week of craziness

last week was a long week..filled with fun n stress..

the stress bit (oh no..) :
italian coursework n listening exam, last essay of the term.


the fun bit (oh yes!) :

:::Thursday :::
Liyen's bday celeb in my room @ 12 midnight! happy b'day gal!!
we played cards again! 5 of us plus suz.. so fun...

::: FridAy :::
dinner @ mandarin ( though the dishes we ordered r common.. shud hv ordered better dishes. but nevertheless.. I LOVE THE DECENT RICE!)

movie @ showcase
WOODY! I CAN NEVER STRESS ENUF!
we watched such a NICE movie.. it's in fact.. the crappiest movie ever i've watched in a cinema! thank god we din pay penny to get in..! phew! if not.. he charm la.. we all will belasah him! it cost £3.90 for a cinema tix..
so ppl.. BEWARE!
DO NOT WATCH "The Chronicles of Narnia" !
having said dat, i still hv to say it had been a fun experience.. watching crap movies to waste time.. at least i noe showcase is a decent place for movies.. not bad..

::: SatuRdaY :::
**like how suz put it..***
nice movie --> harry potter
nice food --> wagamama
n my ans to her comment was...
nice day --> today

i dunno if anyone will agree with me or not, but the book is definitely better than the movie dis time.. 1stly, he was a diff director.. hence diff approach.. personally, i think he cant illustrate a novel perfectly in 3 hrs time.. it's hard.. no doubt.. but he has too much bits here n there.. n the convos r random.. oh n yes.. it's not dat fantasy-like anymore... i dun like dat part.. i want the previous director back!

wagamama serves jap food.. fusion style i suppose.. most ppl there r caucasians.. food isnt bad.. but kinda ex! but i still wanna go back there! cos i love soup noodle! i wanna try fried udon n curry rice next time! oh yes! n the desert again as well!haha..

***

eat , eat, eat. my life hv been revolving ard dis word so much lately.. i dun really noe y lately i cant control eating.. no matter how bad the food taste.. ewww.. am i really going to suffer from over-eating?

***

这几天，好像失去了自己一样。

有时候，有冲动，想重新回到，孤僻的自己。

累，可能是不够睡吧。

想回家。因为有飞机票，有一种期待。有安排，就有期待。若是让自继续模糊的生活在这里，我不敢估计我会怎么样。是我太无情了吗？都没有在想家……

其实，还蛮开心。可以回家，回家收拾我自己，重新找到定点。

***

lost. i feel lost. but i dunno y i do.

曼城之旅

这次的曼城之旅，我抱着奇怪的心情出发。

经lab report的一番折腾之后，本来真的很想逃离nottingham, 在加上这两天的atrium晚餐，我恨不得让自己去manchester放肆地吃一顿。

Friday Night第5次的fire alarm, 3.30起身受冷越30min之久，后来竟然吃了半碗 kimchi面，拖到5点钟才回房间。辗转难眠。第二天早上，snooze了闹钟千百回，最后被 li yen 一CALL叫醒。5人同行，我将到达一个陌生的地方去，吃熟悉的食物。感官上的享受，味蕾上的满足，是否会唤起思念……

***

吃尽了美食：太湖的点心，太湖的火锅。以UK的消费来说，不算贵了。

点心项目：
~ 荷叶饭，烧卖，奶黄包，炸两，叉烧肠粉，虾肠粉，蛋塔，叉烧酥，粥，等等。~
p.s.: 很多想吃的，没叫到。哎呀。

火锅项目：
~ 螃蟹，大虾，青菜 (finally green leafy vege!)，蘑菇 （竟然没有金针菇！），肉丸，鱼丸，牛肉片，炸鱼片（太棒了！！！），等等等。~
汤底： tomyam/药材汤

***

满足了肚子以后，是时候减肥了！哈哈。。 也是时候，真真正正开始做功课，不，是赶功课！

waiting for saturday to come..

it will be really fun!! going to manchester! for some unknown reasonsss, the more i think about it, the more i feel like going.. how come???

looking fwd to hot pot! yeah!! looking fwd to a stress free saturday..

i dun care if i am going to be worked up on sunday.. haha.. anyway, i am such use to procrastinating anyways.. no wonder i have short term memory.. long term memory just do not exist in me.. so there is no point studying way way ahead right?

after this week, i will only have to wait for 2 more weeks n i will be free from Jubilee's food.. if u ask me, the truth is my toleration has already adapted to the food.. but today i really tasted the worse.. it's tasteless.. the 1st time ever i nearly did not eat my meal.. shud hv taken some cheesy pasta thingy.. argh..

***

things to do lists in k.l.:
1) ktv ktv ktv.
2) shopping shopping.. w/o worrying do i stil hv enuf money left to pay.. haha..
3) filled my body with essence of M'sian food n all asian food.. screw sucky western food.. unless my parents r gonna bring me to some nice restaurants..
4) rip all new cds.. etc..

***

feeling sleepy. did not sleep the whole of thursday.. courtesy of Pseudohomophone Effect..
shitz.. i suddenly feel like eating chinese takeaway.. i am derived of decent food till the point that i can risks becoming fat?

***
signing off. zzz.

tuesdays -- big decisions in life

days in nottingham r becoming more hectic.. work is piling up.. essays and reports.. n u r still suppose to spend time doing the supposedly essential readings.. i seriously hv done none.. n up till today.. i hv becoming 'immune'.. as in so use to not doing any reading before lectures and after lectures..

lectures.. they r the most boring things in life.. ok.. actually.. depends on the topic, how well you sleep the night before, what time in the day was it, what did you eat before you enter the lecture hall, who is the lecturer so on and so forth. sadly to say.. most of the lectures.. i hardly stay awake throughout.. i either just dream away or unawarely closed my eyes... i was so proud for actually staying awake for most the lectures on friday.. that was a miracle.. but today.. the ever-so-tired tuesdays.. i am always trying so hard to open my eyes and my ears.. n after italian cls... i always have to pray that the hopper bus will be on time.. so that i won't have to wait in the cold and eat alone at dinner time... ( most of my friends eat at 6pm-ish)

n after all that.. i will go back to my room.. n start thinking... should i go to ballet cls today..
ok.. i love dancing.. but the thing is.. after staying in uni park from 9 to 6.. do u stil wan to go back there? imagine taking the trouble to take the hopper bus.. i have to take 8.15pm bus for 8.45pm cls.. n i might only be back at like 10.15pm.. n after shower i will go to bed.. i feel my tuesdays are always wasted away..

1stly.. i cant concentrate during lectures.. 2ndly.. the 1hrss break in between lectures are seldom used wisely... i mean.. u can't.. cos u wan to rest and u just wan to make urself awake for the next lecture and chat with ur frens.. haihz.. i hope i had a better time table..

i hv a lab report due on thursday.. if i officially start tmr.. i might not have enuf time doing.. but does not going to ballet cls means i will actually work? hmm.. i wonder..

ok.. ppl who are reading this blog might hv already stopped reading it up till this point.. cos it's boring.. i noe.. ok.. i hd better shut up n just live on with my life n stop complaining..

birmingham

BaCk fROm BirMiNghAm!!!!!!!!!!

oooo..so fun so fun so fun...

u noe.. it's so cold these days.. we checked on bbc n we tot birm will b cold as well.. like -2 degrees.. so okla.. take more stuff loo.. we took the 9.12 train to birmie.. it took us nearly 2hrs to reach there.. i sat on a seat where the sun keep shining directly on my face.. i had to use my scarf to block the sunlight.. at dat moment, i regretted for not bringing my supa dupa sunglses! haihz..

we reached there at like 11.30-ish.. liyen, rachel n me went to get a coffee in starbucks.. i got a toffee latte.. quite sweet ..but it's christmas-y.. quite nice la... then.. mike came to meet up with us.. he brought us ard the area a while.. we put down our stuff n went to frankfurt market.. it's a german xmas market.. they sell german sausage laa.. traditional german deco stuff la.. etc etc etc..

after dat.. lunch time!! ooo! nice nice.. b4 we came there.. the shop was closed! i mean.. i HASN'T OPEN YET... haha.. but luckily.. it opened alas!n oh no! i forgot to take photo of the shop n take a name card! i will do dat some how.. yeah man! i ate 车子面！yeah!!!!!!! nice nice!!! yeah!! okok.. n i drank 珍珠奶茶！！nice nice!! but i forgot wat flavour did i order.. ops..

next stop.. cadbury factory.. cool man! we took a train there.. n walked there!! in the COOLLDD.. we were like... grabbing each other to share warm.. n finally.. we enter the entrance.. n smelt n smelt.. OMG.. the strong aroma of chocolate!!!!! sooooo chocolatey... sooo..aromatic.. my salivary glands is starting to secret saliva already!!

we get to take back free samples of chocolate.. but sadly.. none of them r my favourite.. they shud gv out fruits n nuts or something besides PLAIN MILK CHOCOLATE... okok.. maybe they r just trying to save cost..watever..

the factory is just like a factory.. the main point is just getting the sample.. n watching how ppl make chocolate.. n we get to taste fresh liquid choco as well! cool..

n finally.. we went back after 2 hrs ++.. n head for KTV!! yahooohoo.... but actually, i din get to sing dat much!! I DEFINITELY NEED MORE KTV!! but all in all, i still hd loads of fun!! everyone sang!! which as really really cool! liyen sang FIR's song lyk mad.. n keep making random comments on the lyrics n ppl's singing.. Mike tan was mad as well.. ok.. i am so used to his singing.. but my frens aren't.. so they tot he sang too loud!! especially 《自由》！！ he sang it like mad with rachel.. n i think suzanne sang the most.. n laiyee too... my god.. n u noe! we order sooooo much foooood... it was nice la.. but the CARNIVOROUS-MIKE ordered so much meat n carbo!! but it was all asian food.. so we r all soooo happy.. haha.. we were also playing some dice game.. which was so fun as well.. haha.. went back ard 11.30..

we chit chat so much in mike's room... so i slept at 4.30am in the end.. hence.. till today still deprived of sleep.

sunday was shopping day..bought a white jacket, a black pants and some scarves.. yeah.. but at the end of the day.. i realise how broke i am.. i will not spend dat much money for now.. guilty..we shop from the opening hrs till the closing hrs.. wahaha.. ooo.. n i ate penang laksa with liyen!! nice!! but actually it's just average.. compare to msia la.. surely.. but not surprisingly, a counter restaurant with penang laksa and nasi goreng is owned by msian.. yeah.. good good.. n for dinner.. we went back to frankfurt market to eat german sausage n steak! nice.. but again.. all meat la.. who cares at dat moment though.. i am suppose to enjoy!

we got on the 8.50pm train.. back to home -- nottingham.. me, liyen, jing chatted so much throughout the journey.. i like chatting..

home sweet home.. n now.. i am left with all my work to be done.. so ciao now.. will post pic up soon..

mike!! if u ever read dis....luv ya lotzz !! thx for everything n everything n everything!! ur room is nice.. i like the carpets.. n ur room is soo much bigger!! cool...keep it up! wahaha...

17/11/05

it's time to start blogging again..

suddenly.. realised a hidden fact abt blogging.. it can b a habit.. but a rather.. useless habit? or..
not really.. in a way.. b'cos.. when i blog.. i learn to organise my tots.. my silly, my stupid, my ignorant tots.. or my carelessness, my sadness, my happiness, my blurness, my hyperness.. everything.. or..shud i say.. things dat i hv in mind at the moment of blogging can b sorted out.. after i start murmuring on my blog.. on n on n on...

who's the audience to all these craps? you laa.. aiya. random pula..

okok.. today went to TQ dinner for notts game volunteers n players. it is also act a deeparaya celebration.. so we get to eat decent food... malay food n indian food.. but gek sei laa.. i din get to eat the beehoon!! it's out of stock! *&(Z%! haihz.. so i just hd to settle with 3 sticks of satay loo.. n some ok-ish indian food.. actually quite nice.. i mean.. ok.. if compare to local msian food in msia, i wld certainly rate them as 2.5 out of 5 loo.. but given dat i am now in notts..craving for some homely-feeling food.. my rating of the food just shoots all the way to 4 out of 5... still not 5 cos i din eat beehoon!! argh...

***

i often blog half way n stopped.. hence i can nv continue of line of tots.. which is bad.. n now.. i hv nth to say.. oh yeah.. i screwed my lab report.. 'yeah'... oh well.. 过去让它过去... lame excuse to get away from guilt..

***

going to birm on sat n sun!! looking fwd to:

a) chinese food in chinatown -- decent chinese food!
b）karaoke -- dat is if anyone actually wants to go with me la!! i must force them!!! dun care!!
c) mike!! so long din c u!! wonder how is he ler.. hehe..
d) shopping! i need to shop for smth.. hv been shopping for food n basic pharmacy stuff oni since i came here..

***

replying to arlina's tag...

8个条件：
条件。。 何谓条件呢？
老实说，还没有遇到对的人之前，我没理由完全知道自己要的是什么。可是，ideally ler...
1) 待人处世还不错。
2）个子最好比我高啦！比较有安全感。
3）接纳我的短处。
4）让我寻找安心感觉的地方。
5）上进心。
6）一定要很能和我沟通。
7）合眼缘。
8）。。。

***

notts games was fun... though very tiring.. hv to run around looking for players, n begging other players who r not representing their uni in any forthcoming matches to b referees.. n we often run out of referees.. so keep going back to the same few ppl.. really a huge thanks to all of them.. otherwise.. it wont b a 'sucess'? sucess in the sense of wat? hmm...

success in the sense that.. we won each n every match for BADMINTON!! we, notts, basically monopolied the badminton court! whah.. nola.. i am just happy dat we won! but we, the volunteers r complaining, wat's the point of waking up 6am in the morning n winning the match anyways? haha.. might as well just cancel the whole badminton match la! haha.. joking ard lidat was fun... but it was even more fun to get to mingle ard.. our players were strong.. i mean ARE strong... but some other universites were really good too actually!! some r really 'yeng' as well. .haha..

oh well.. due to the fact that i am a full-time volunteer.. haha.. i din get to watch the other matches.. but actually..doesnt really matter.. cos i realise that i like to watch badminton a lot.. haha.. but i cant really play la!! how sad! i am such a sad person la...

how sad ler? ok.. 1stly.. bad at sports.. used to b good at running when i was like.. kindergarten? so duh.. ok.. cos i dun really like playing sports during sec n pri school.. the teachers r like.. hey.. u shud come join the school's basketball or volley ball team..but i just ignored them..aiya.. so bad.. so now.. as a result, i am BAD AT SPORTS.. AA!

okok. .wat else is sad abt me? can't swim, can't cycle, can't skate, can't roller-blade, can't ice-skate etc etc etc.. not going to embarass myself further.. there's no point..

wtv la.. luckily i am not in the mood to feel sad yet.. cos sumtimes.. if i am like in a not-so-good mood.. i will really really 打从心里讨厌自己为何什么都不会。而且，到最后，更令人讨厌的是，我只会说自己有多差，却始终还是原地踏步。

好了啦，话题也扯太远了吧。

very tired.. so cant b bothered to type chinese.... n omg.. cos my dear deat YiNgYi aka sTepH aka 892 is here rite... so for sum reason just keep eating la.. haha..ate chocolate la.. chinese take-away today la.. cos not in time for dinner.. but it's too oily laa.. will get fat!! aa!! okok.. really need to eat less now.. although ppl r telling me.. eiei.. u paid for it la!!! but how? i dowan to get fat la.. now fat enuf liao..haha..

okla.. enuf of nonsense.. now where got inspiration to write nice stuff.. so just type random stuff dat comes to my mind la..

okok..nites now.. tmr seriously need to work.. ok.. half work.. monday i shall be fully loaded n ready to fire... just like the neuron transmitter.. omg.. i am crazy..

Pride and Prejudice

monday, went to watch movie with Kath.. Pride and Prejudice! It was good! yeah.. n sommore, 3 pounds oni.. (considering the standard student price is £3.90 laaa).. cos shows b4 12noon r cheaper.. n dat show was like ..11.55am..haha..

Mr. Darcey and Miss Elizabeth Bennet... ooO!! 一个人的傲慢，另一个人的偏见，差一点断送一段美好的姻缘。社会阶层的隔膜，终究分开不了两个看似来自两个世界的人。事实上，他们的个性是如此的接近，只因为之前还未发现，彼此蕴藏着的共同点。aaa!!!

thx kath! luckily we managed to watch it, finally!

my x'mas plan : to read and buy an unabridged version of "Pride and Prejudice"!

***

p.s.: in order to reduce procrastination, i shall now publish this short blog and continue with my work. =p

思绪化成文字

我知道夜很深了。我知道，我该睡了。可是，我很想写一些东西。一些心情，一些感触，一些感慨。

昨日，看完“elizabethtown”，朋友们说，有点闷。我倒还蛮喜欢的。当然不仅仅是因为帅哥啦，我是觉得，戏里头的意思，一些做人的道理，一些小市镇里人与人之间的感情，一些真正感动人的爱情，生与死的意义... 好像，说着说着，很多道理都给抖了出来。

看完了《金枝欲孽》。这是我懒惰的象征。可是，我却替所有人感到悲哀。几乎每一个角色，都陷入了一种悲哀。我庆幸，我只是平庸之辈。

***

昨晚的bonfire，烟花很美。然而，美的东西，昙花一现。

***

academic 的东西，从星期五以后，我完全没有碰触。为了让自己，完全进入destress的周末，destress from essay。可是，来临的考验，更多。不能再这样为了想休息而休息。那样，毅力是不会建立起来的。

为了de-stress，为了好好将46.50pounds用得够值得，我决定打badminton和从未接触过的squash。结果，我的左手，开始写不到字。

***

看了Kath的msn space。我不竟在想，是我冷漠，还是，我真的没有太多值得想念的人。也许，我曾经想念，想念到了一个顶点，一切都变得麻木。

在英国，其实和在新加坡，没什么多大分别。

***

我再不睡，明天早上又要咳出恶心的痰了。

心情篇

很久很久，都没有写自己的心情了。

不知几时开始，blog好像变成了我该做的事，而不是我想做的事？

开始写blog，还是受了x'mas的影响。她喜欢写诗情画意的东西，我也是。于是，把一篇篇的灵感，写在tzeshean那个blog。后来，set up了另一个blog，这一个，写的是自己的心情寄语。可是近来，好像写很多废话。无聊。

***

见证天气一天比一天更冷，留意着青葱的大树，一周比一周消瘦。长这么大以来，好像还是第一次吧。以前，谁管得着今天会不会下雨，会不会刮风。一件短袖上衣，就可以出门了。这里，可不行。

每天早上起来，第一件事就是推开窗帘和窗门，感受一下，到底外面有多冷。11月了。其实不必那么做，我都知道每一天都得穿得暖和一些。然而，令人讨厌的是，lecture hall总是闷热的。近几天来到时还好，也许已经习惯了。

现在，我总是习惯晚上10点以后才洗澡，原因是这样可以暖暖地上床就寝。可是，有时候，我还是管不了那么多，那么夜冲凉实在怪怪的。可是，那股暖意，确实会让你睡一个好觉。

最近，常常不舒服。也许是天气太冷了吧。喉咙这几天，也一直痒痒的。今早，还咳出了一块很恶心的痰。吓到自己了。枇杷膏吃得7788，所以吃多点蓝藻。还特地到了student union shop 买strepsils。

明天要去town。3条单调的jeans穿腻了，只有一件可以保温的外套。还要看"elizabethtown"，orlando bloom和kirsten dunst 主演呢。还有laundry。

好了。我要继续看戏。

my uni life is made out of..

ppl say gals r made of sugar n sweet...

my uni life is made out of..

***
::: music :::

so far.. i hv nicked all 梁静茹的新歌 from my sis.. the whole 《丝路》 album.. i am addicted to the songs.. sumtimes.. i can just suddenly sing "好夜晚goodnight" in my heart... the next minute.. “可惜不是你”pops up in my head...

i found out my sis's blog has stef's 孙燕姿 new song.. i immediately go to download them from baidu.. sorry.. not dat i wanna do illegal stuff.. but my sis has bought a copy anyways.. (omg.. wat shit thinking is dis..). i dedicated all my time on sunday to dl the whole album! i love baidu! i dl-ed the whole album! yahoo!!! i like “第一天”，“另一张脸”，“梦不落”，“明天晴天” n those special ones... her voice can sing anything sentimental easily.. so i like the more challenging ones..

next.. thx to kean.. i got all those CD QUALITY z-chen's songs!! yahoo!! so happy! hahahhaahahaahahahahaha.... his voice is the best.. he can sing so much better than other supposingly more popular singers in the industry!!

ooo!! n i LUV 五月天的阿信 so much now!! he help to compose 丝路， n also 第一天！ omg!!
moving on...

***

^_^ dance ^_^

wat's abt dancing dat excites me?

1stly.. it's the sensation of expressing emotions n feeling through movement.. i guess dat explains y i am not so out-spoken... haha.. but actually.. i like to write too..okok...off topic..

i enjoy ballet lessons.. but they r too fast-paced.. modern cls was moderate.. but i miss those chong hwa days too much!!!!!! those days with evon!! i hv to confess.. those days i was sooooo flexible compare to now! ok.. dat time i wasnt very extremely stretchable.. but it's worse now..

i WISH there's a 1 hr stretching cls available some where....

tae geri was fun actually.. tiring but i get to sweat the most!

***
conclusion..

where does study fit in here? hmmm.. i wonder..

actually.. i still study.. occasionally.. haha... i did a practice essay.. though i handed in late! i just emailed my tutor.. n the word count is like.. lack of a few hundred.. haha..but i made an effort to do an OPTIONAL job! haha.. at least.. (omg! i am such a good student, with such HIGH morale.. )

i tried to read the feminism core text.. it gets interesting the more i read it..

when reading the psychology text books..they also get interesting the more i read them.. so i can just treat it as reading a story book? but apparently... i shud b reading, understanding, n making notes at the same time...

hmm.. nvm nvm.. it's just week 5..WAT.. WEEK 5? okok... week 5 means.. i need to get starting.. get hardworking, get motivated!

dis thurs is the formal dinner for newark hall! yeah... get to dressed up... looking fwd..
nott's msian game is 12/11 for msians.. 26/11 for sg.. bonfire is 5/11... oh yeah! 19/11 - birmingham trip... weekends all pack adii!? where's space for my movies!!! i need to watch elizabeth town n all dat! aikss!

but! (serious part now..)

essay deadlinessss... 4/11 - 1st psychology essay, 28/11 - feminism essay...

oh yeah.. november is gonna be fun.. reaaal fun...

i feel stupid sometimes if i write everything dat has happened.. so i'll just highlight imp stuff..

today went to town.. watch movie (corpse bride) + shop a lil' + ate chinese dinner! nice! it cost abt 6.30 quids per person.. the food was good.. not too salty, too sweet or too oily.. i liked it.. n we keep drinking tea! haha.. just like trying to use up wtv we can get out from the money to the max.. we cleaned the plates of dishes.. we refill the rice bowl.. haha... we had 5 ppl.. but we ordered oni 3 dishes.. so we finished them.. all.. nth is left.. except of cos.. the refilled rice bowl.. haha..

today was cold! at night was cold.. in the afternoon was ok-ish...

oh! i dl all stef's new song! so happy.. wait for tan tze wei will drive me crazy loo.. too slow adi..haha..

i'm looking fwd to get the 11 pound unlimited card for movies.. means dat i can watch unlimited movies a mth for just 11 pounds! haha.. provided dat i hv to time laa.. otherwise not worth it..haha.. but i got like soo many movies to watch! oliver twist, pride n prejudice, harry potter n others.. i dun mind watching zorro n others.. haha..

omg! i cant catch up adii.. with my academic stuff.. tmr seriously must do some reading.. monday too!

ok.. wanna zz early.. today actually wanna blog long long one.. but dunno y..suddenly.. nth to say.. zzz loo..

I can't help but to blog again..

today is such a meaningful day..meaningful as in.. i liked it the way it is..

it all started by hving breakfast with LiYen at 8.30-ish... n then.. moving on to reading for prac essay... n the cleaning lady came.. so i went over to vivian's room.. we were saying dat we shud go to lib some day to study 'properly'..haha.. u noe.. laptop is too big a temptation..
ok..moving on.. started on essay.. changed the bedlinen... so happy cos my room is cleaned finally after two weeks.. (poor Sue was sick last week.. so she couldn't clean my room)..
n then.. went for lunch.. it was ewwww btw.. i expected it to taste like the average aglio-olio spaghetti.. but it turned out to b crap! i think i cant cook better spaghetti.. haha...

after lunch.. collected packed dinner.. then rushed off to Italiano.. omg! so many vocab n grammar to learn! i swear i will focus on Italian Fri afternoon.. after i submit my prac essay..
after Italiano.. went to George Green library to get books for essay.. found some useful ones.. borrowed n photocopied them..
then it was already 5.30pm.. time to go back n rest awhile b4 Pilates starts.. but i was so tempted to buy a coffee.. so i went to the vending machine at PB.. bought a mocha! omg! it was so nice! i miss mocha! ok.. then got changed for pilates at 6pm! but the teacher was late! n she din say sorry! argh.. anyways.. we started 15mins late.. but ended 5 mins late oni! the pilates were ok.. it was pretty basic but of cos some i din do well too.. i think i prefer yoga.. cos it's with music? but anyways.. i need one/both of them..haha..love stretching!

ok..so went back..home sweet home finally.. quickly washed my duvette n floor mat n socks! hooray! new duvet today! ate pack dinner consisting of egg sandwich, yogurt, orange juice, chocolate.. i ate all of them.. n i realised i really like sandwich! haha.. i am weird..

n then.. supposedly.. i am studying.. but then.. i went on to the MOVIE sites n BALLET SHOW sites! omg!!

movies...
Pride n Prejudice, Oliver Twist, Corpse Bride! omg! i am so gonna watch all of these! but wonder who wanna watch with me! i just luv movies...

wat's more..
Bolshoi is coming to nott, Darcey Bussell is gonna perform in Sylvia! Tamara Rojo n Alina Cojocaru too! but they r all in royal opera hse in Covent Garden! I am so seriously gonna go there! I can't miss out ! OMG! dat made me all excited to the max!

ok... *calm down, calm down*

ok.. i just wanna blog to express all my happiness n excitement! haha.. weirdo.. but it's my blog.. i can do anything with it..

ok..back to my book.. n ohya.. one of the reason y i am blogging is also cos.. Psychology is getting more n more interesting.. up till now.. i mean. hopefully, it still will! pls!

ok..back to work.. will sleep happily soon..

***

期待~~~
星期四：春光乍泄和另一套戏！免费！
星期六：看戏！！
星期日：看戏！！

yet to be confirmed....
5/11：burmingham?
10/4:bolshoi?
??: covent garden?

必须：：：
星期五：Italiano 自修。
星期六/日：阅读 - feminism + psychology + italiano

***

加油！

堕落

有时候，我觉得自己真得很过分。不懂得珍惜眼前的事情，反而去追求一些，好像得到了会很幸福或很‘爽’的东西。可是，在还没有得到之前，也许永远都不会知道，到底那些可欲不可求的所谓梦想/理想，是否真的有我想象中那么完美。

***

sometimes, i feel i am such a fake person... maybe i just dun say wat i really feel... is dat good or bad? i really dunno..

***

星期六和星期日本来是读书的好时机，可是，我太懒惰了。我有试过读书，可是，好像读来读去总是停留在introduction的部分。倒是《金枝欲孽》，看了7集。试问，还有谁比我堕落。
明知道自己没有读过心理学，可是偏偏就那么懒惰。虽然只是week 3，可是，等待我做的reading已经堆积如山了。可是，很明显的，我还可以坐在这里blog。
答应自己，明天真的要整天读书了。星期五要交practise essay，我开始都没开始。
啊！我是怎么啦！

***

11pm。我还是睡觉好了。明天再好好加油。唉，说实在，我真的很不习惯这样的读书方式。以前只有考试之前才会读书，现在才刚开学，就要self-study。我真的没有那个mood。

现在有点咳嗽伤风，等会儿再吃蓝藻。

***

我的blog越来越废了，可能是整个假期都没有做到什么有建设性的事吧。好堕落啊！

***

我不想再这样，一事无成的过日子。希望practise essay会让我重新振作！真的！我必须重新振作！啊！

finally.. i finished week 3.. n i still am always not prepared for lectures..

i woke up early to borrow a really popular book from the library.. thank god the one n only copy is still there on the open shelf. phew.. as time still allow, so i sat down n do some reading.. supposedly for today's lecture.. abt nature-nurture..

after having start reading a few introductory pages from a few books, i really started getting more interesting in psychology.. i not dat interested in the machines part.. just the ideas behind them..haha. i hope i can soon develop dis interest into a strength, into a power dat can allow me not to doze off or get carried away by other things when i am doing my reading..keke.. cos i always do u noe.. i just can't fully concentrate sumtimes... i really need to rediscover the motivation to study.. dat i once had when studying for exams.. but i guess the 1st few weeks of school is lidat..

the lecture on neurosicence was abt action potential.. ppl who took A-level bio found it easy.. cos it's just like revision.. whereas for my case.. i really need to learn the more advance stuff myself..cos i did standard level IB bio.. too bad.. sigh..

then the individual in society lecture was abt nature-nurture... conducted by my nice tutor.. but feel sad for her cos she cant really deliver a lecture.. haihz.. it wasn't dat interesting... to make things worse.. i find the book i read dis morning was relatively more interesting..opps.. but i hv to confess.. she is indeed a very dedicated tutor.. oh my..she reminded me of my UWCSEA chem teacher... Ms. Dima.. she is so dedicated.. but she is just not experienced enuf.. but she got better as time pass by.. but she is really helpful.. i liked her a lot..

ok.. so after lectures.. oh wait.. between lecture we had an hr's break.. n once again.. me n my group of coursemates.. all from hong kong btw.. haha.. went to Q-Med.. cos we r having the next lecture there.. n as they r all self-catered.. they always feel hungry! so they ate smth.. i just bought a pepermint tea.. which cost £0.75! omg! so ex..

n then.. as usually.. 4 of us just keep chatting.. emily is really random n funny.. but it's good la.. at least we wont feel 尴尬 at any time.. haha..

then of cos.. after lectures ended.. i went for lunch at portland.. ate dis redcurrant lamb pie.. it was nice.. n emily n arlina helped me finished cauliflower n mushy peas.. haha.. good.. cos i too full too.. i hate getting too full... but i always hv to eat proper meals here.. ppl say they got sick of sandwich.. i mean those self-catered ppl.. cos it's the cheapest lunch they can get in school.. but for me.. i got sick of proper meals.. i.e.... meals with potatoes.. haha.. so ya.. i was secretly hoping to eat sandwich instead..haha... i can trade ur sandwich with my meal! dat's not a prob at all! hmm.. hving said dat.. i am interested to do so one day.. i shall ask my coursemates one day..haha..

n then.. i went back to JC... still thinking whether to join the seminar presentation cls or not.. but i just joined in the end.. it was.. a bit boring.. but i got handouts on how to do presentations laaa..so quite cool. during the cls, the teacher was quite humorous.. reminds me of Mr. Morley.. actually, i said to myself, i dun really need to attend these... cos Mr. Morley taught me a lot already.. i missed eng cls!! sigh!! it's a bit late to miss it oni now.. but i seriously do.. it was so useful n fun.. he was funny.. n a very good teacher too! n i am so pissed at myself.. cos i din bring any eng notes with me.. maybe i shud ask my mum to send them to me..wahaha.. i am crazy..

***

during lectures, i keep hearing ppl coughing.. n now.. it kinda hv an effect on me.. i mean the germs.. my throat has been weird for nearly a weeek adi... but still okla.. just not very normal.. i try eating more spirulina etc n eat strepsils..

i dunno y so many ppl r sick... my guess is dat those ppl party too much, drink too much, n smoke too much... they r stupid! they just cant stop partying... i am basing my guess on the fact dat.. those who cough severely r mainly caucasian.. n they r the ppl who loves partying n stuff.. gila one! n those poor asians actually got infected by them.. i think.. n now.. my fren staying in the same hall as me is sick.. poor gal.. i will visit her later.. i adi gv her 枇杷膏！ haha.. i think i shud giv her spirulina etc too.. since i really hv too much stock..haha

***

u noe.. i am so happy to be able to exercise 3 times a week!.. i joined Tae Geri on mondays.. ballet on tuedays.. n modern on thurdays..
tae geri is consider the most high intensity exercise.. sweat a lot due to jumping, kicking, punching etc..ahha..
ballet was fast.. cos i joined the advance cls.. but i am happy to do ballet again.. goin to town to get ballet stuff.. yeah
modern.. i am really beginning to luv it a lot.. ever since chkl days.. i think i was lucky to get to noe abt it from a young age.. (form 1).. so now.. i find it easier to learn it..
hmm.. i find i am lack of smth.. so still in searching for pilates or yoga lessons..aha..
i am a stretching + dance freak!

***

weekend plans: - go town
- plan prac essay
- reading reading reading, make notes make notes make notes.
- chill n watch 金枝欲孽

***

signing off.

Tuesdays r sooooooo busy...

1stly.. thx to the lovely so lovely fire alarm at 1am last night... i woke up at 8.10am dis morning! omg! my lesson is at 9am! my lecture on feminist philosophy.. oh yes.. i din eat breakfast.. i rush as fast as i could.. brush teeth, wash my face, get dressed, pack stuff (ops.. last min) n rush to the hopper bus station at like nearly 8.30... omg!! the longest queue ever.. so many ppl queueing for the bus!!! ok... deep inside my heart.. i prayed for a dbl decker hopper bus.. n thank god.. i was lucky! so.... looking at ppl getting on the bus.. i wonder if i am lucky enuf to get on dat bus as well... oh yes.. thank god again.. i got on the bus.. sitting at the upper deck.. yeah! then i looked down at the queue from the window.. n saw poor Rosalind queueing outside.. she could not get on the bus! later, i found out she woke up 10 mins later than me... told u! it's dat fire alarm! i heard there were 24 last yr! OMG! i hope dis yr will b a totally diff case... a senior.. also from msia told me abt it.. but she said dat dis yr's freshers r more well-b'haved.. so i hope she is right..

ok.. moving on...

我很久没打华文了……hehe.. random..ok..so.. 上到巴士上，发现自己忘了带 italian text book 和 line paper..真的有够猪头。所以，上完了 feminist philosophy 以后，只得赶快搭hopper bus 回 JC... 天啊！

午餐，和arlina约好了在 PB foodcourt 吃。然后，在赶着去上1小时的cognitive psychology..抄notes抄到手断了。幸好下一次的课不再是这位lectural了。

然后可以休息一小时。。

然后，上3点钟的statistical methods，最闷的课。我好想睡。。。

又是一个钟头的休息，但是我和coursemate去了library。。晃了半个小时后，又去上italian。过后，赶着去搭hopper bus回去吃晚餐。吃饱了，又要准备去8.45pm的芭蕾舞课。由于6点钟过后的hopper bus只有在半个小时才来一辆，所以只得乘搭8.15pm的车。

到了那里，A23的课室里还有beginner level 的学生。突然，我跳舞的感觉回来了。听着所谓芭蕾舞的音乐，开始陶醉其中，虽然只是beginners的。陆陆续续来了很多外国人，看着每一个不一样的脸孔，却好像都同样显露出芭蕾舞者的自信，我顿时感觉自己的渺小。

进入课室，很多人都换上了leotard 和 ballet shoe, 几乎没有人像我那样，连基本的舞鞋也没有，虽然确实是有一位。不过，话说回来，我确实有点紧张。因为，毕竟我没有跳芭蕾舞2年了。

开始的bar work真的算ok了，虽然，我还是不是很能跟得上。舞蹈老师教得好快。可是，center 的choreography才是真正的问题。由于我上一堂课并没有出席，所以前面的部分都没学会。老师先教了新的部分，同样的，教得超级快。还好，一位好心的同学，告诉老师后面的学生看不到，所以，我竟然变成first row了，which is a good thing。当下，跳得不好也许是其次了。我只想学会那些steps。我就这样，死命跟啊跟。到最后，抓住了某些step，但是，很肯定的，下星期又会忘了。

I realise, my ballet has truly deteriorated greatly.. wat can i do? i cant do anything.. my life for the pass 10 yrs were filled with ballet...but 2 yrs ago.. i suddenly left the 'ballet slot' blank..it's my fault.. otherwise.. i would imagine myself being able to do pointe work.. more or less without effort...

i will try to catch up.. no matter in ballet or psychology.. i hvt done much reading yet.. n dis is a totally new subject for me..

dat's it.. it's time i stop msn-ing every night.. it's time i get myself organised.. it's time i get serious with my life here.. it's time to get real.. n Week 3 will be the time to get started..

happy day!! lalalalalala.....

omg! dunno y today i so happy... it's actually after the dance thing really... hahaha..

today i had no lessons.. i had to go to uni park campus for an induction session of the Self-Access centre n to register for it.. cos i taking interfaculty italian.. so i need to go there to listen to tapes, watch tvs n news.. etc... phew.. luckily i went early.. otherwise i hv to go tmr again.. sorry arlina.. u were late.. hhehez..

n then after dat.. just wander ard the campus.. haha... then i bought handcream.. cos my hands so rough liao.. i hate it! hmph! oh yeah.. n b4 dat.. i bought a second-hand book too.. from a senior.. she is 4th yr now.. she said i would enjoy Feminist Philosophy wor.. dunno true or not la.. haha..

oh n then.. just took the hopper bus back loo... next time.. i will always take bus from East Drive.. n not Hallward Library.. otherwise.. i will be going around the campus! waste time oni!! oh n yeah... i bought Snickers chocolate bar.. haha.. it's random.. but at dat time i just feel like eating chocolate.. hahaha..

ok.. n then i came back.. chat wif frens n sis.. n i told her to gimme songs again.. haha.. from fish leong's new album! 《丝路》！太好听了！我的心，现在瘦瘦的，很容易，就饱了。。。

ya.. dat was one of the reason i so high now.. haha..

n the other MAIN reason is...

i went to contemporary dance lessons from 5-6pm at Portland Builiding.. so suang!!!!!! when i was dancing.. i suddenly remember the times when i learn modern dance in Chong Hwa.. n performed.. so suang!!!!!! omg! i almost 感动到哭了！

我太爱跳舞了，也不知道自己当初何以能够停止跳舞两年……

although the cls is oni 1 hr.. n not really the professional type.. but i am just too happy to be able to dance in a dance lesson again!! i can't wait for tuesday's ballet lesson...

n then at dinner.. i ate lamb n salad.. the lamb has a corn-like bean.. n on the bus i was so wanting to eat dat suddenly.. n now.. it appeared to be with the lamb! omg! so happy.. haha...

now back at my room.. listening to 梁静茹's new songs... blogging happily away.. haha..

tmr oni hv 2 lectures.but need to go to lang. centre to do italian hw...

saturday going to goose fair... it's not going there to c geese la.. it's a fun fair! with hundreds of games n rides! fun fun fun!

sunday. still considering whether wanna go to the trip to dunno cambridge or oxford.. oh well.. we hvt booked ler.. c how lo...

going to continue listen songs.. n sing like crazy.. my neighbour is noisy anyways.. he's playing guitar.. haha..