离开明年只剩下22个小时

许久都没有新的post.

生活过得太舒服，恨不得现在就是暑假，而不是短暂的圣诞假期。

突然，多了一些复杂的感受。

是痛，是泪。
是渴望，是奢望，是期盼。
是遗憾，是惋惜，是不舍得。

渴望因为不曾拥有过，奢望因为很难得到却又很想要，期盼因为对一切的渴望与奢望依旧抱着希望。
遗憾因为好像不曾好好地珍惜，惋惜因为从未用心去体会、没有把握机会去争取心里想要得到的，舍不得因为还不想放手、还想继续拥有现有的快乐、还想拥抱着回忆。

做人啊，太贪心，就会不快乐。

偶尔想一想，妙想天开地踏入2005年的最后一天。

至少，我仍旧带着一颗炙热的，存放着热腾腾的希望的，红红的心。

一切的期盼，给了明年。

当你离开明年，只剩下不到22个小时的时候，有没有想过自己应该抱着什么心态和什么心情去面对，今年的最后一天，和明年的第一天呢？

***

p.s. : 我想回归到，最自然最真的友谊。我想再次与你们相聚，我的老友们。

pigging out

sleepy afternoon. 停留在英国的时光。stuck in time.. stuck in a different time zone.

desparate to:
eat good food --> do i still care abt gaining weight when i keep stuffing myself with
sumptuous meals n chocolates?
ktv!!!!!!!! --> i dun mind going everyday... in order to 'collect' ktv moments to last me till next
summer.
wat else... can't think of others now... brain dead...

***

不可以睡，但我很累。

tmr going out wif dear cousin.. parents always bc.. stuck at home.. cos not allowed to go out dat often..

need to start planning when to study wat.. friday summore departing to pangkor for xmas n the weekends..

oh well.. i need to go eat chocoloate now..

home, sweet home?

so many things had happen.. n i dunno where to start from... met Si Jie in london: two days of recollection of the primary school yrs and sharing of life, in general.. i felt so easy... though we really haven't c each other for such a long time! words really cannot explain everything.. but i really enjoy those two days.. n till now, i still can't believe i actually can meet up with her in london.. watched STOMP in london! it was amazing...

***

i almost can't get on the plane.. thx to msian airlines.. overbooked flight... thank god i still got on the plane n checked in half n hr b4 departure.. close call..

***

watched 2 n a 1/2 movies on the plane: chocolat, drink drank drunk, half of aviator.
really love to watch movies so so much la.. slept so lil' yet not exactly feeling much of the jet lag.. still can eat xenri normally n happily..

***

monday went to 1U with xmas n eeling.. n also went to the curve.. bought small thingies.. accesories stuff.. but i soon need to get more clothings n sandals n hat etc..

***

not anymore energetic to blog now.. i was.. when i was experiencing happier moments.. but now.. i realise i miss UK..
i miss.. the freedom.. the freedom to go wherever, do watever, sleep whenever, do hw whenever etc etc.. n now.. i cant go wherever n whenever i like.. i need to do an xtra thing all the time.. ask permission.. dis sucks..
i miss UK also cos.. i dun hv to think abt family issues, no matter it's parents, cousins, or others.. but back in msia.. it's diff.. i can onli console myself with food food n more food.. no freedom sucks.. but nevertheless... more time with family..
thank god i still have a lovely home..

***

i swear i will learn how to drive.. n hopefully after dat.. i get to do more wat i want to do.. but then again.. maybe at 18 of age, i am just wanting too much.. too much..

week of craziness

last week was a long week..filled with fun n stress..

the stress bit (oh no..) :
italian coursework n listening exam, last essay of the term.


the fun bit (oh yes!) :

:::Thursday :::
Liyen's bday celeb in my room @ 12 midnight! happy b'day gal!!
we played cards again! 5 of us plus suz.. so fun...

::: FridAy :::
dinner @ mandarin ( though the dishes we ordered r common.. shud hv ordered better dishes. but nevertheless.. I LOVE THE DECENT RICE!)

movie @ showcase
WOODY! I CAN NEVER STRESS ENUF!
we watched such a NICE movie.. it's in fact.. the crappiest movie ever i've watched in a cinema! thank god we din pay penny to get in..! phew! if not.. he charm la.. we all will belasah him! it cost £3.90 for a cinema tix..
so ppl.. BEWARE!
DO NOT WATCH "The Chronicles of Narnia" !
having said dat, i still hv to say it had been a fun experience.. watching crap movies to waste time.. at least i noe showcase is a decent place for movies.. not bad..

::: SatuRdaY :::
**like how suz put it..***
nice movie --> harry potter
nice food --> wagamama
n my ans to her comment was...
nice day --> today

i dunno if anyone will agree with me or not, but the book is definitely better than the movie dis time.. 1stly, he was a diff director.. hence diff approach.. personally, i think he cant illustrate a novel perfectly in 3 hrs time.. it's hard.. no doubt.. but he has too much bits here n there.. n the convos r random.. oh n yes.. it's not dat fantasy-like anymore... i dun like dat part.. i want the previous director back!

wagamama serves jap food.. fusion style i suppose.. most ppl there r caucasians.. food isnt bad.. but kinda ex! but i still wanna go back there! cos i love soup noodle! i wanna try fried udon n curry rice next time! oh yes! n the desert again as well!haha..

***

eat , eat, eat. my life hv been revolving ard dis word so much lately.. i dun really noe y lately i cant control eating.. no matter how bad the food taste.. ewww.. am i really going to suffer from over-eating?

***

这几天，好像失去了自己一样。

有时候，有冲动，想重新回到，孤僻的自己。

累，可能是不够睡吧。

想回家。因为有飞机票，有一种期待。有安排，就有期待。若是让自继续模糊的生活在这里，我不敢估计我会怎么样。是我太无情了吗？都没有在想家……

其实，还蛮开心。可以回家，回家收拾我自己，重新找到定点。

***

lost. i feel lost. but i dunno y i do.

曼城之旅

这次的曼城之旅，我抱着奇怪的心情出发。

经lab report的一番折腾之后，本来真的很想逃离nottingham, 在加上这两天的atrium晚餐，我恨不得让自己去manchester放肆地吃一顿。

Friday Night第5次的fire alarm, 3.30起身受冷越30min之久，后来竟然吃了半碗 kimchi面，拖到5点钟才回房间。辗转难眠。第二天早上，snooze了闹钟千百回，最后被 li yen 一CALL叫醒。5人同行，我将到达一个陌生的地方去，吃熟悉的食物。感官上的享受，味蕾上的满足，是否会唤起思念……

***

吃尽了美食：太湖的点心，太湖的火锅。以UK的消费来说，不算贵了。

点心项目：
~ 荷叶饭，烧卖，奶黄包，炸两，叉烧肠粉，虾肠粉，蛋塔，叉烧酥，粥，等等。~
p.s.: 很多想吃的，没叫到。哎呀。

火锅项目：
~ 螃蟹，大虾，青菜 (finally green leafy vege!)，蘑菇 （竟然没有金针菇！），肉丸，鱼丸，牛肉片，炸鱼片（太棒了！！！），等等等。~
汤底： tomyam/药材汤

***

满足了肚子以后，是时候减肥了！哈哈。。 也是时候，真真正正开始做功课，不，是赶功课！

waiting for saturday to come..

it will be really fun!! going to manchester! for some unknown reasonsss, the more i think about it, the more i feel like going.. how come???

looking fwd to hot pot! yeah!! looking fwd to a stress free saturday..

i dun care if i am going to be worked up on sunday.. haha.. anyway, i am such use to procrastinating anyways.. no wonder i have short term memory.. long term memory just do not exist in me.. so there is no point studying way way ahead right?

after this week, i will only have to wait for 2 more weeks n i will be free from Jubilee's food.. if u ask me, the truth is my toleration has already adapted to the food.. but today i really tasted the worse.. it's tasteless.. the 1st time ever i nearly did not eat my meal.. shud hv taken some cheesy pasta thingy.. argh..

***

things to do lists in k.l.:
1) ktv ktv ktv.
2) shopping shopping.. w/o worrying do i stil hv enuf money left to pay.. haha..
3) filled my body with essence of M'sian food n all asian food.. screw sucky western food.. unless my parents r gonna bring me to some nice restaurants..
4) rip all new cds.. etc..

***

feeling sleepy. did not sleep the whole of thursday.. courtesy of Pseudohomophone Effect..
shitz.. i suddenly feel like eating chinese takeaway.. i am derived of decent food till the point that i can risks becoming fat?

***
signing off. zzz.

tuesdays -- big decisions in life

days in nottingham r becoming more hectic.. work is piling up.. essays and reports.. n u r still suppose to spend time doing the supposedly essential readings.. i seriously hv done none.. n up till today.. i hv becoming 'immune'.. as in so use to not doing any reading before lectures and after lectures..

lectures.. they r the most boring things in life.. ok.. actually.. depends on the topic, how well you sleep the night before, what time in the day was it, what did you eat before you enter the lecture hall, who is the lecturer so on and so forth. sadly to say.. most of the lectures.. i hardly stay awake throughout.. i either just dream away or unawarely closed my eyes... i was so proud for actually staying awake for most the lectures on friday.. that was a miracle.. but today.. the ever-so-tired tuesdays.. i am always trying so hard to open my eyes and my ears.. n after italian cls... i always have to pray that the hopper bus will be on time.. so that i won't have to wait in the cold and eat alone at dinner time... ( most of my friends eat at 6pm-ish)

n after all that.. i will go back to my room.. n start thinking... should i go to ballet cls today..
ok.. i love dancing.. but the thing is.. after staying in uni park from 9 to 6.. do u stil wan to go back there? imagine taking the trouble to take the hopper bus.. i have to take 8.15pm bus for 8.45pm cls.. n i might only be back at like 10.15pm.. n after shower i will go to bed.. i feel my tuesdays are always wasted away..

1stly.. i cant concentrate during lectures.. 2ndly.. the 1hrss break in between lectures are seldom used wisely... i mean.. u can't.. cos u wan to rest and u just wan to make urself awake for the next lecture and chat with ur frens.. haihz.. i hope i had a better time table..

i hv a lab report due on thursday.. if i officially start tmr.. i might not have enuf time doing.. but does not going to ballet cls means i will actually work? hmm.. i wonder..

ok.. ppl who are reading this blog might hv already stopped reading it up till this point.. cos it's boring.. i noe.. ok.. i hd better shut up n just live on with my life n stop complaining..

birmingham

BaCk fROm BirMiNghAm!!!!!!!!!!

oooo..so fun so fun so fun...

u noe.. it's so cold these days.. we checked on bbc n we tot birm will b cold as well.. like -2 degrees.. so okla.. take more stuff loo.. we took the 9.12 train to birmie.. it took us nearly 2hrs to reach there.. i sat on a seat where the sun keep shining directly on my face.. i had to use my scarf to block the sunlight.. at dat moment, i regretted for not bringing my supa dupa sunglses! haihz..

we reached there at like 11.30-ish.. liyen, rachel n me went to get a coffee in starbucks.. i got a toffee latte.. quite sweet ..but it's christmas-y.. quite nice la... then.. mike came to meet up with us.. he brought us ard the area a while.. we put down our stuff n went to frankfurt market.. it's a german xmas market.. they sell german sausage laa.. traditional german deco stuff la.. etc etc etc..

after dat.. lunch time!! ooo! nice nice.. b4 we came there.. the shop was closed! i mean.. i HASN'T OPEN YET... haha.. but luckily.. it opened alas!n oh no! i forgot to take photo of the shop n take a name card! i will do dat some how.. yeah man! i ate 车子面！yeah!!!!!!! nice nice!!! yeah!! okok.. n i drank 珍珠奶茶！！nice nice!! but i forgot wat flavour did i order.. ops..

next stop.. cadbury factory.. cool man! we took a train there.. n walked there!! in the COOLLDD.. we were like... grabbing each other to share warm.. n finally.. we enter the entrance.. n smelt n smelt.. OMG.. the strong aroma of chocolate!!!!! sooooo chocolatey... sooo..aromatic.. my salivary glands is starting to secret saliva already!!

we get to take back free samples of chocolate.. but sadly.. none of them r my favourite.. they shud gv out fruits n nuts or something besides PLAIN MILK CHOCOLATE... okok.. maybe they r just trying to save cost..watever..

the factory is just like a factory.. the main point is just getting the sample.. n watching how ppl make chocolate.. n we get to taste fresh liquid choco as well! cool..

n finally.. we went back after 2 hrs ++.. n head for KTV!! yahooohoo.... but actually, i din get to sing dat much!! I DEFINITELY NEED MORE KTV!! but all in all, i still hd loads of fun!! everyone sang!! which as really really cool! liyen sang FIR's song lyk mad.. n keep making random comments on the lyrics n ppl's singing.. Mike tan was mad as well.. ok.. i am so used to his singing.. but my frens aren't.. so they tot he sang too loud!! especially 《自由》！！ he sang it like mad with rachel.. n i think suzanne sang the most.. n laiyee too... my god.. n u noe! we order sooooo much foooood... it was nice la.. but the CARNIVOROUS-MIKE ordered so much meat n carbo!! but it was all asian food.. so we r all soooo happy.. haha.. we were also playing some dice game.. which was so fun as well.. haha.. went back ard 11.30..

we chit chat so much in mike's room... so i slept at 4.30am in the end.. hence.. till today still deprived of sleep.

sunday was shopping day..bought a white jacket, a black pants and some scarves.. yeah.. but at the end of the day.. i realise how broke i am.. i will not spend dat much money for now.. guilty..we shop from the opening hrs till the closing hrs.. wahaha.. ooo.. n i ate penang laksa with liyen!! nice!! but actually it's just average.. compare to msia la.. surely.. but not surprisingly, a counter restaurant with penang laksa and nasi goreng is owned by msian.. yeah.. good good.. n for dinner.. we went back to frankfurt market to eat german sausage n steak! nice.. but again.. all meat la.. who cares at dat moment though.. i am suppose to enjoy!

we got on the 8.50pm train.. back to home -- nottingham.. me, liyen, jing chatted so much throughout the journey.. i like chatting..

home sweet home.. n now.. i am left with all my work to be done.. so ciao now.. will post pic up soon..

mike!! if u ever read dis....luv ya lotzz !! thx for everything n everything n everything!! ur room is nice.. i like the carpets.. n ur room is soo much bigger!! cool...keep it up! wahaha...

17/11/05

it's time to start blogging again..

suddenly.. realised a hidden fact abt blogging.. it can b a habit.. but a rather.. useless habit? or..
not really.. in a way.. b'cos.. when i blog.. i learn to organise my tots.. my silly, my stupid, my ignorant tots.. or my carelessness, my sadness, my happiness, my blurness, my hyperness.. everything.. or..shud i say.. things dat i hv in mind at the moment of blogging can b sorted out.. after i start murmuring on my blog.. on n on n on...

who's the audience to all these craps? you laa.. aiya. random pula..

okok.. today went to TQ dinner for notts game volunteers n players. it is also act a deeparaya celebration.. so we get to eat decent food... malay food n indian food.. but gek sei laa.. i din get to eat the beehoon!! it's out of stock! *&(Z%! haihz.. so i just hd to settle with 3 sticks of satay loo.. n some ok-ish indian food.. actually quite nice.. i mean.. ok.. if compare to local msian food in msia, i wld certainly rate them as 2.5 out of 5 loo.. but given dat i am now in notts..craving for some homely-feeling food.. my rating of the food just shoots all the way to 4 out of 5... still not 5 cos i din eat beehoon!! argh...

***

i often blog half way n stopped.. hence i can nv continue of line of tots.. which is bad.. n now.. i hv nth to say.. oh yeah.. i screwed my lab report.. 'yeah'... oh well.. 过去让它过去... lame excuse to get away from guilt..

***

going to birm on sat n sun!! looking fwd to:

a) chinese food in chinatown -- decent chinese food!
b）karaoke -- dat is if anyone actually wants to go with me la!! i must force them!!! dun care!!
c) mike!! so long din c u!! wonder how is he ler.. hehe..
d) shopping! i need to shop for smth.. hv been shopping for food n basic pharmacy stuff oni since i came here..

***

replying to arlina's tag...

8个条件：
条件。。 何谓条件呢？
老实说，还没有遇到对的人之前，我没理由完全知道自己要的是什么。可是，ideally ler...
1) 待人处世还不错。
2）个子最好比我高啦！比较有安全感。
3）接纳我的短处。
4）让我寻找安心感觉的地方。
5）上进心。
6）一定要很能和我沟通。
7）合眼缘。
8）。。。

***

notts games was fun... though very tiring.. hv to run around looking for players, n begging other players who r not representing their uni in any forthcoming matches to b referees.. n we often run out of referees.. so keep going back to the same few ppl.. really a huge thanks to all of them.. otherwise.. it wont b a 'sucess'? sucess in the sense of wat? hmm...

success in the sense that.. we won each n every match for BADMINTON!! we, notts, basically monopolied the badminton court! whah.. nola.. i am just happy dat we won! but we, the volunteers r complaining, wat's the point of waking up 6am in the morning n winning the match anyways? haha.. might as well just cancel the whole badminton match la! haha.. joking ard lidat was fun... but it was even more fun to get to mingle ard.. our players were strong.. i mean ARE strong... but some other universites were really good too actually!! some r really 'yeng' as well. .haha..

oh well.. due to the fact that i am a full-time volunteer.. haha.. i din get to watch the other matches.. but actually..doesnt really matter.. cos i realise that i like to watch badminton a lot.. haha.. but i cant really play la!! how sad! i am such a sad person la...

how sad ler? ok.. 1stly.. bad at sports.. used to b good at running when i was like.. kindergarten? so duh.. ok.. cos i dun really like playing sports during sec n pri school.. the teachers r like.. hey.. u shud come join the school's basketball or volley ball team..but i just ignored them..aiya.. so bad.. so now.. as a result, i am BAD AT SPORTS.. AA!

okok. .wat else is sad abt me? can't swim, can't cycle, can't skate, can't roller-blade, can't ice-skate etc etc etc.. not going to embarass myself further.. there's no point..

wtv la.. luckily i am not in the mood to feel sad yet.. cos sumtimes.. if i am like in a not-so-good mood.. i will really really 打从心里讨厌自己为何什么都不会。而且，到最后，更令人讨厌的是，我只会说自己有多差，却始终还是原地踏步。

好了啦，话题也扯太远了吧。

very tired.. so cant b bothered to type chinese.... n omg.. cos my dear deat YiNgYi aka sTepH aka 892 is here rite... so for sum reason just keep eating la.. haha..ate chocolate la.. chinese take-away today la.. cos not in time for dinner.. but it's too oily laa.. will get fat!! aa!! okok.. really need to eat less now.. although ppl r telling me.. eiei.. u paid for it la!!! but how? i dowan to get fat la.. now fat enuf liao..haha..

okla.. enuf of nonsense.. now where got inspiration to write nice stuff.. so just type random stuff dat comes to my mind la..

okok..nites now.. tmr seriously need to work.. ok.. half work.. monday i shall be fully loaded n ready to fire... just like the neuron transmitter.. omg.. i am crazy..

Pride and Prejudice

monday, went to watch movie with Kath.. Pride and Prejudice! It was good! yeah.. n sommore, 3 pounds oni.. (considering the standard student price is £3.90 laaa).. cos shows b4 12noon r cheaper.. n dat show was like ..11.55am..haha..

Mr. Darcey and Miss Elizabeth Bennet... ooO!! 一个人的傲慢，另一个人的偏见，差一点断送一段美好的姻缘。社会阶层的隔膜，终究分开不了两个看似来自两个世界的人。事实上，他们的个性是如此的接近，只因为之前还未发现，彼此蕴藏着的共同点。aaa!!!

thx kath! luckily we managed to watch it, finally!

my x'mas plan : to read and buy an unabridged version of "Pride and Prejudice"!

***

p.s.: in order to reduce procrastination, i shall now publish this short blog and continue with my work. =p

思绪化成文字

我知道夜很深了。我知道，我该睡了。可是，我很想写一些东西。一些心情，一些感触，一些感慨。

昨日，看完“elizabethtown”，朋友们说，有点闷。我倒还蛮喜欢的。当然不仅仅是因为帅哥啦，我是觉得，戏里头的意思，一些做人的道理，一些小市镇里人与人之间的感情，一些真正感动人的爱情，生与死的意义... 好像，说着说着，很多道理都给抖了出来。

看完了《金枝欲孽》。这是我懒惰的象征。可是，我却替所有人感到悲哀。几乎每一个角色，都陷入了一种悲哀。我庆幸，我只是平庸之辈。

***

昨晚的bonfire，烟花很美。然而，美的东西，昙花一现。

***

academic 的东西，从星期五以后，我完全没有碰触。为了让自己，完全进入destress的周末，destress from essay。可是，来临的考验，更多。不能再这样为了想休息而休息。那样，毅力是不会建立起来的。

为了de-stress，为了好好将46.50pounds用得够值得，我决定打badminton和从未接触过的squash。结果，我的左手，开始写不到字。

***

看了Kath的msn space。我不竟在想，是我冷漠，还是，我真的没有太多值得想念的人。也许，我曾经想念，想念到了一个顶点，一切都变得麻木。

在英国，其实和在新加坡，没什么多大分别。

***

我再不睡，明天早上又要咳出恶心的痰了。

心情篇

很久很久，都没有写自己的心情了。

不知几时开始，blog好像变成了我该做的事，而不是我想做的事？

开始写blog，还是受了x'mas的影响。她喜欢写诗情画意的东西，我也是。于是，把一篇篇的灵感，写在tzeshean那个blog。后来，set up了另一个blog，这一个，写的是自己的心情寄语。可是近来，好像写很多废话。无聊。

***

见证天气一天比一天更冷，留意着青葱的大树，一周比一周消瘦。长这么大以来，好像还是第一次吧。以前，谁管得着今天会不会下雨，会不会刮风。一件短袖上衣，就可以出门了。这里，可不行。

每天早上起来，第一件事就是推开窗帘和窗门，感受一下，到底外面有多冷。11月了。其实不必那么做，我都知道每一天都得穿得暖和一些。然而，令人讨厌的是，lecture hall总是闷热的。近几天来到时还好，也许已经习惯了。

现在，我总是习惯晚上10点以后才洗澡，原因是这样可以暖暖地上床就寝。可是，有时候，我还是管不了那么多，那么夜冲凉实在怪怪的。可是，那股暖意，确实会让你睡一个好觉。

最近，常常不舒服。也许是天气太冷了吧。喉咙这几天，也一直痒痒的。今早，还咳出了一块很恶心的痰。吓到自己了。枇杷膏吃得7788，所以吃多点蓝藻。还特地到了student union shop 买strepsils。

明天要去town。3条单调的jeans穿腻了，只有一件可以保温的外套。还要看"elizabethtown"，orlando bloom和kirsten dunst 主演呢。还有laundry。

好了。我要继续看戏。

my uni life is made out of..

ppl say gals r made of sugar n sweet...

my uni life is made out of..

***
::: music :::

so far.. i hv nicked all 梁静茹的新歌 from my sis.. the whole 《丝路》 album.. i am addicted to the songs.. sumtimes.. i can just suddenly sing "好夜晚goodnight" in my heart... the next minute.. “可惜不是你”pops up in my head...

i found out my sis's blog has stef's 孙燕姿 new song.. i immediately go to download them from baidu.. sorry.. not dat i wanna do illegal stuff.. but my sis has bought a copy anyways.. (omg.. wat shit thinking is dis..). i dedicated all my time on sunday to dl the whole album! i love baidu! i dl-ed the whole album! yahoo!!! i like “第一天”，“另一张脸”，“梦不落”，“明天晴天” n those special ones... her voice can sing anything sentimental easily.. so i like the more challenging ones..

next.. thx to kean.. i got all those CD QUALITY z-chen's songs!! yahoo!! so happy! hahahhaahahaahahahahaha.... his voice is the best.. he can sing so much better than other supposingly more popular singers in the industry!!

ooo!! n i LUV 五月天的阿信 so much now!! he help to compose 丝路， n also 第一天！ omg!!
moving on...

***

^_^ dance ^_^

wat's abt dancing dat excites me?

1stly.. it's the sensation of expressing emotions n feeling through movement.. i guess dat explains y i am not so out-spoken... haha.. but actually.. i like to write too..okok...off topic..

i enjoy ballet lessons.. but they r too fast-paced.. modern cls was moderate.. but i miss those chong hwa days too much!!!!!! those days with evon!! i hv to confess.. those days i was sooooo flexible compare to now! ok.. dat time i wasnt very extremely stretchable.. but it's worse now..

i WISH there's a 1 hr stretching cls available some where....

tae geri was fun actually.. tiring but i get to sweat the most!

***
conclusion..

where does study fit in here? hmmm.. i wonder..

actually.. i still study.. occasionally.. haha... i did a practice essay.. though i handed in late! i just emailed my tutor.. n the word count is like.. lack of a few hundred.. haha..but i made an effort to do an OPTIONAL job! haha.. at least.. (omg! i am such a good student, with such HIGH morale.. )

i tried to read the feminism core text.. it gets interesting the more i read it..

when reading the psychology text books..they also get interesting the more i read them.. so i can just treat it as reading a story book? but apparently... i shud b reading, understanding, n making notes at the same time...

hmm.. nvm nvm.. it's just week 5..WAT.. WEEK 5? okok... week 5 means.. i need to get starting.. get hardworking, get motivated!

dis thurs is the formal dinner for newark hall! yeah... get to dressed up... looking fwd..
nott's msian game is 12/11 for msians.. 26/11 for sg.. bonfire is 5/11... oh yeah! 19/11 - birmingham trip... weekends all pack adii!? where's space for my movies!!! i need to watch elizabeth town n all dat! aikss!

but! (serious part now..)

essay deadlinessss... 4/11 - 1st psychology essay, 28/11 - feminism essay...

oh yeah.. november is gonna be fun.. reaaal fun...

i feel stupid sometimes if i write everything dat has happened.. so i'll just highlight imp stuff..

today went to town.. watch movie (corpse bride) + shop a lil' + ate chinese dinner! nice! it cost abt 6.30 quids per person.. the food was good.. not too salty, too sweet or too oily.. i liked it.. n we keep drinking tea! haha.. just like trying to use up wtv we can get out from the money to the max.. we cleaned the plates of dishes.. we refill the rice bowl.. haha... we had 5 ppl.. but we ordered oni 3 dishes.. so we finished them.. all.. nth is left.. except of cos.. the refilled rice bowl.. haha..

today was cold! at night was cold.. in the afternoon was ok-ish...

oh! i dl all stef's new song! so happy.. wait for tan tze wei will drive me crazy loo.. too slow adi..haha..

i'm looking fwd to get the 11 pound unlimited card for movies.. means dat i can watch unlimited movies a mth for just 11 pounds! haha.. provided dat i hv to time laa.. otherwise not worth it..haha.. but i got like soo many movies to watch! oliver twist, pride n prejudice, harry potter n others.. i dun mind watching zorro n others.. haha..

omg! i cant catch up adii.. with my academic stuff.. tmr seriously must do some reading.. monday too!

ok.. wanna zz early.. today actually wanna blog long long one.. but dunno y..suddenly.. nth to say.. zzz loo..

I can't help but to blog again..

today is such a meaningful day..meaningful as in.. i liked it the way it is..

it all started by hving breakfast with LiYen at 8.30-ish... n then.. moving on to reading for prac essay... n the cleaning lady came.. so i went over to vivian's room.. we were saying dat we shud go to lib some day to study 'properly'..haha.. u noe.. laptop is too big a temptation..
ok..moving on.. started on essay.. changed the bedlinen... so happy cos my room is cleaned finally after two weeks.. (poor Sue was sick last week.. so she couldn't clean my room)..
n then.. went for lunch.. it was ewwww btw.. i expected it to taste like the average aglio-olio spaghetti.. but it turned out to b crap! i think i cant cook better spaghetti.. haha...

after lunch.. collected packed dinner.. then rushed off to Italiano.. omg! so many vocab n grammar to learn! i swear i will focus on Italian Fri afternoon.. after i submit my prac essay..
after Italiano.. went to George Green library to get books for essay.. found some useful ones.. borrowed n photocopied them..
then it was already 5.30pm.. time to go back n rest awhile b4 Pilates starts.. but i was so tempted to buy a coffee.. so i went to the vending machine at PB.. bought a mocha! omg! it was so nice! i miss mocha! ok.. then got changed for pilates at 6pm! but the teacher was late! n she din say sorry! argh.. anyways.. we started 15mins late.. but ended 5 mins late oni! the pilates were ok.. it was pretty basic but of cos some i din do well too.. i think i prefer yoga.. cos it's with music? but anyways.. i need one/both of them..haha..love stretching!

ok..so went back..home sweet home finally.. quickly washed my duvette n floor mat n socks! hooray! new duvet today! ate pack dinner consisting of egg sandwich, yogurt, orange juice, chocolate.. i ate all of them.. n i realised i really like sandwich! haha.. i am weird..

n then.. supposedly.. i am studying.. but then.. i went on to the MOVIE sites n BALLET SHOW sites! omg!!

movies...
Pride n Prejudice, Oliver Twist, Corpse Bride! omg! i am so gonna watch all of these! but wonder who wanna watch with me! i just luv movies...

wat's more..
Bolshoi is coming to nott, Darcey Bussell is gonna perform in Sylvia! Tamara Rojo n Alina Cojocaru too! but they r all in royal opera hse in Covent Garden! I am so seriously gonna go there! I can't miss out ! OMG! dat made me all excited to the max!

ok... *calm down, calm down*

ok.. i just wanna blog to express all my happiness n excitement! haha.. weirdo.. but it's my blog.. i can do anything with it..

ok..back to my book.. n ohya.. one of the reason y i am blogging is also cos.. Psychology is getting more n more interesting.. up till now.. i mean. hopefully, it still will! pls!

ok..back to work.. will sleep happily soon..

***

期待~~~
星期四：春光乍泄和另一套戏！免费！
星期六：看戏！！
星期日：看戏！！

yet to be confirmed....
5/11：burmingham?
10/4:bolshoi?
??: covent garden?

必须：：：
星期五：Italiano 自修。
星期六/日：阅读 - feminism + psychology + italiano

***

加油！

堕落

有时候，我觉得自己真得很过分。不懂得珍惜眼前的事情，反而去追求一些，好像得到了会很幸福或很‘爽’的东西。可是，在还没有得到之前，也许永远都不会知道，到底那些可欲不可求的所谓梦想/理想，是否真的有我想象中那么完美。

***

sometimes, i feel i am such a fake person... maybe i just dun say wat i really feel... is dat good or bad? i really dunno..

***

星期六和星期日本来是读书的好时机，可是，我太懒惰了。我有试过读书，可是，好像读来读去总是停留在introduction的部分。倒是《金枝欲孽》，看了7集。试问，还有谁比我堕落。
明知道自己没有读过心理学，可是偏偏就那么懒惰。虽然只是week 3，可是，等待我做的reading已经堆积如山了。可是，很明显的，我还可以坐在这里blog。
答应自己，明天真的要整天读书了。星期五要交practise essay，我开始都没开始。
啊！我是怎么啦！

***

11pm。我还是睡觉好了。明天再好好加油。唉，说实在，我真的很不习惯这样的读书方式。以前只有考试之前才会读书，现在才刚开学，就要self-study。我真的没有那个mood。

现在有点咳嗽伤风，等会儿再吃蓝藻。

***

我的blog越来越废了，可能是整个假期都没有做到什么有建设性的事吧。好堕落啊！

***

我不想再这样，一事无成的过日子。希望practise essay会让我重新振作！真的！我必须重新振作！啊！

finally.. i finished week 3.. n i still am always not prepared for lectures..

i woke up early to borrow a really popular book from the library.. thank god the one n only copy is still there on the open shelf. phew.. as time still allow, so i sat down n do some reading.. supposedly for today's lecture.. abt nature-nurture..

after having start reading a few introductory pages from a few books, i really started getting more interesting in psychology.. i not dat interested in the machines part.. just the ideas behind them..haha. i hope i can soon develop dis interest into a strength, into a power dat can allow me not to doze off or get carried away by other things when i am doing my reading..keke.. cos i always do u noe.. i just can't fully concentrate sumtimes... i really need to rediscover the motivation to study.. dat i once had when studying for exams.. but i guess the 1st few weeks of school is lidat..

the lecture on neurosicence was abt action potential.. ppl who took A-level bio found it easy.. cos it's just like revision.. whereas for my case.. i really need to learn the more advance stuff myself..cos i did standard level IB bio.. too bad.. sigh..

then the individual in society lecture was abt nature-nurture... conducted by my nice tutor.. but feel sad for her cos she cant really deliver a lecture.. haihz.. it wasn't dat interesting... to make things worse.. i find the book i read dis morning was relatively more interesting..opps.. but i hv to confess.. she is indeed a very dedicated tutor.. oh my..she reminded me of my UWCSEA chem teacher... Ms. Dima.. she is so dedicated.. but she is just not experienced enuf.. but she got better as time pass by.. but she is really helpful.. i liked her a lot..

ok.. so after lectures.. oh wait.. between lecture we had an hr's break.. n once again.. me n my group of coursemates.. all from hong kong btw.. haha.. went to Q-Med.. cos we r having the next lecture there.. n as they r all self-catered.. they always feel hungry! so they ate smth.. i just bought a pepermint tea.. which cost £0.75! omg! so ex..

n then.. as usually.. 4 of us just keep chatting.. emily is really random n funny.. but it's good la.. at least we wont feel 尴尬 at any time.. haha..

then of cos.. after lectures ended.. i went for lunch at portland.. ate dis redcurrant lamb pie.. it was nice.. n emily n arlina helped me finished cauliflower n mushy peas.. haha.. good.. cos i too full too.. i hate getting too full... but i always hv to eat proper meals here.. ppl say they got sick of sandwich.. i mean those self-catered ppl.. cos it's the cheapest lunch they can get in school.. but for me.. i got sick of proper meals.. i.e.... meals with potatoes.. haha.. so ya.. i was secretly hoping to eat sandwich instead..haha... i can trade ur sandwich with my meal! dat's not a prob at all! hmm.. hving said dat.. i am interested to do so one day.. i shall ask my coursemates one day..haha..

n then.. i went back to JC... still thinking whether to join the seminar presentation cls or not.. but i just joined in the end.. it was.. a bit boring.. but i got handouts on how to do presentations laaa..so quite cool. during the cls, the teacher was quite humorous.. reminds me of Mr. Morley.. actually, i said to myself, i dun really need to attend these... cos Mr. Morley taught me a lot already.. i missed eng cls!! sigh!! it's a bit late to miss it oni now.. but i seriously do.. it was so useful n fun.. he was funny.. n a very good teacher too! n i am so pissed at myself.. cos i din bring any eng notes with me.. maybe i shud ask my mum to send them to me..wahaha.. i am crazy..

***

during lectures, i keep hearing ppl coughing.. n now.. it kinda hv an effect on me.. i mean the germs.. my throat has been weird for nearly a weeek adi... but still okla.. just not very normal.. i try eating more spirulina etc n eat strepsils..

i dunno y so many ppl r sick... my guess is dat those ppl party too much, drink too much, n smoke too much... they r stupid! they just cant stop partying... i am basing my guess on the fact dat.. those who cough severely r mainly caucasian.. n they r the ppl who loves partying n stuff.. gila one! n those poor asians actually got infected by them.. i think.. n now.. my fren staying in the same hall as me is sick.. poor gal.. i will visit her later.. i adi gv her 枇杷膏！ haha.. i think i shud giv her spirulina etc too.. since i really hv too much stock..haha

***

u noe.. i am so happy to be able to exercise 3 times a week!.. i joined Tae Geri on mondays.. ballet on tuedays.. n modern on thurdays..
tae geri is consider the most high intensity exercise.. sweat a lot due to jumping, kicking, punching etc..ahha..
ballet was fast.. cos i joined the advance cls.. but i am happy to do ballet again.. goin to town to get ballet stuff.. yeah
modern.. i am really beginning to luv it a lot.. ever since chkl days.. i think i was lucky to get to noe abt it from a young age.. (form 1).. so now.. i find it easier to learn it..
hmm.. i find i am lack of smth.. so still in searching for pilates or yoga lessons..aha..
i am a stretching + dance freak!

***

weekend plans: - go town
- plan prac essay
- reading reading reading, make notes make notes make notes.
- chill n watch 金枝欲孽

***

signing off.

Tuesdays r sooooooo busy...

1stly.. thx to the lovely so lovely fire alarm at 1am last night... i woke up at 8.10am dis morning! omg! my lesson is at 9am! my lecture on feminist philosophy.. oh yes.. i din eat breakfast.. i rush as fast as i could.. brush teeth, wash my face, get dressed, pack stuff (ops.. last min) n rush to the hopper bus station at like nearly 8.30... omg!! the longest queue ever.. so many ppl queueing for the bus!!! ok... deep inside my heart.. i prayed for a dbl decker hopper bus.. n thank god.. i was lucky! so.... looking at ppl getting on the bus.. i wonder if i am lucky enuf to get on dat bus as well... oh yes.. thank god again.. i got on the bus.. sitting at the upper deck.. yeah! then i looked down at the queue from the window.. n saw poor Rosalind queueing outside.. she could not get on the bus! later, i found out she woke up 10 mins later than me... told u! it's dat fire alarm! i heard there were 24 last yr! OMG! i hope dis yr will b a totally diff case... a senior.. also from msia told me abt it.. but she said dat dis yr's freshers r more well-b'haved.. so i hope she is right..

ok.. moving on...

我很久没打华文了……hehe.. random..ok..so.. 上到巴士上，发现自己忘了带 italian text book 和 line paper..真的有够猪头。所以，上完了 feminist philosophy 以后，只得赶快搭hopper bus 回 JC... 天啊！

午餐，和arlina约好了在 PB foodcourt 吃。然后，在赶着去上1小时的cognitive psychology..抄notes抄到手断了。幸好下一次的课不再是这位lectural了。

然后可以休息一小时。。

然后，上3点钟的statistical methods，最闷的课。我好想睡。。。

又是一个钟头的休息，但是我和coursemate去了library。。晃了半个小时后，又去上italian。过后，赶着去搭hopper bus回去吃晚餐。吃饱了，又要准备去8.45pm的芭蕾舞课。由于6点钟过后的hopper bus只有在半个小时才来一辆，所以只得乘搭8.15pm的车。

到了那里，A23的课室里还有beginner level 的学生。突然，我跳舞的感觉回来了。听着所谓芭蕾舞的音乐，开始陶醉其中，虽然只是beginners的。陆陆续续来了很多外国人，看着每一个不一样的脸孔，却好像都同样显露出芭蕾舞者的自信，我顿时感觉自己的渺小。

进入课室，很多人都换上了leotard 和 ballet shoe, 几乎没有人像我那样，连基本的舞鞋也没有，虽然确实是有一位。不过，话说回来，我确实有点紧张。因为，毕竟我没有跳芭蕾舞2年了。

开始的bar work真的算ok了，虽然，我还是不是很能跟得上。舞蹈老师教得好快。可是，center 的choreography才是真正的问题。由于我上一堂课并没有出席，所以前面的部分都没学会。老师先教了新的部分，同样的，教得超级快。还好，一位好心的同学，告诉老师后面的学生看不到，所以，我竟然变成first row了，which is a good thing。当下，跳得不好也许是其次了。我只想学会那些steps。我就这样，死命跟啊跟。到最后，抓住了某些step，但是，很肯定的，下星期又会忘了。

I realise, my ballet has truly deteriorated greatly.. wat can i do? i cant do anything.. my life for the pass 10 yrs were filled with ballet...but 2 yrs ago.. i suddenly left the 'ballet slot' blank..it's my fault.. otherwise.. i would imagine myself being able to do pointe work.. more or less without effort...

i will try to catch up.. no matter in ballet or psychology.. i hvt done much reading yet.. n dis is a totally new subject for me..

dat's it.. it's time i stop msn-ing every night.. it's time i get myself organised.. it's time i get serious with my life here.. it's time to get real.. n Week 3 will be the time to get started..

happy day!! lalalalalala.....

omg! dunno y today i so happy... it's actually after the dance thing really... hahaha..

today i had no lessons.. i had to go to uni park campus for an induction session of the Self-Access centre n to register for it.. cos i taking interfaculty italian.. so i need to go there to listen to tapes, watch tvs n news.. etc... phew.. luckily i went early.. otherwise i hv to go tmr again.. sorry arlina.. u were late.. hhehez..

n then after dat.. just wander ard the campus.. haha... then i bought handcream.. cos my hands so rough liao.. i hate it! hmph! oh yeah.. n b4 dat.. i bought a second-hand book too.. from a senior.. she is 4th yr now.. she said i would enjoy Feminist Philosophy wor.. dunno true or not la.. haha..

oh n then.. just took the hopper bus back loo... next time.. i will always take bus from East Drive.. n not Hallward Library.. otherwise.. i will be going around the campus! waste time oni!! oh n yeah... i bought Snickers chocolate bar.. haha.. it's random.. but at dat time i just feel like eating chocolate.. hahaha..

ok.. n then i came back.. chat wif frens n sis.. n i told her to gimme songs again.. haha.. from fish leong's new album! 《丝路》！太好听了！我的心，现在瘦瘦的，很容易，就饱了。。。

ya.. dat was one of the reason i so high now.. haha..

n the other MAIN reason is...

i went to contemporary dance lessons from 5-6pm at Portland Builiding.. so suang!!!!!! when i was dancing.. i suddenly remember the times when i learn modern dance in Chong Hwa.. n performed.. so suang!!!!!! omg! i almost 感动到哭了！

我太爱跳舞了，也不知道自己当初何以能够停止跳舞两年……

although the cls is oni 1 hr.. n not really the professional type.. but i am just too happy to be able to dance in a dance lesson again!! i can't wait for tuesday's ballet lesson...

n then at dinner.. i ate lamb n salad.. the lamb has a corn-like bean.. n on the bus i was so wanting to eat dat suddenly.. n now.. it appeared to be with the lamb! omg! so happy.. haha...

now back at my room.. listening to 梁静茹's new songs... blogging happily away.. haha..

tmr oni hv 2 lectures.but need to go to lang. centre to do italian hw...

saturday going to goose fair... it's not going there to c geese la.. it's a fun fair! with hundreds of games n rides! fun fun fun!

sunday. still considering whether wanna go to the trip to dunno cambridge or oxford.. oh well.. we hvt booked ler.. c how lo...

going to continue listen songs.. n sing like crazy.. my neighbour is noisy anyways.. he's playing guitar.. haha..

oh great! i typed so much juz now n all lost.. hv to start over again...

***

monday:nth much to do... so just dilly dally here n there.. went alone to take the hopper bus.. but then luckily bumped into some msian frens in Portland Building... so i grab a sandwich n head off with them to the Freshers' Fayre in Sports Centre.. then, signed up for MSS ( msian n sg soc), din c NMS (nottingham msian soc)... after dat oni found out it's just next to it.. *pengzz* of coz, signed up for Dance Soc, but regreted a bit cos exx nya..! 5 pounds for membership summore need to pay for each lesson. for members each lesson 2 pounds, non-members 3 pounds.. but nvm la.. since i like dancing so much! but clses all late in the evening.. means i hv to go back jubilee to makan 1st, then go back to main campus to attend lessons.. wat the heck?!

then... after dat.. go back jubilee liao loo... waited bus for soooo long... from waiting till reaching.. took like 2 hrs! cos too many ppl..! but hopefully when term starts, things will get better.

tuesday:

oh well.. the most zd day ever! 1stly.. found out dat i miss a tok on monday.. a Psychology welcome tok. so.. hv to go meet tutor.. went there early in the morning.. but she not there.. so 10pm go to register with the university 1st. went along with a few fellow course mates.. all from hk one, coincidently.

for the 1sr yr, i need to sign up for additional modules to add 40 credits to make up the 120 credits required. so.. i hd to start thinking of courses to take....

my fren wanna go to Sutton Bonnington Campus to take the course.. so.. went wif her

...oh yeah... we went on the highway.. out of the highway..then i realise.. along the roads r fields.. then i realise.. wait a minute, i think i pass by here b4! oh yeah.. when my dad was driving us towards birmingham. *pengzz*

finally reached the rural sutton bonnington campus.. follow the crowd as we dunno our way..went into a seminar.. ppl around r carrying their bioscience handbook.. we r shocked! we tot we were in the wrong place! we were so lost! in the end, we concluded dat.. maybe dis is just not the right way to sign up for a course! so... we went back.........

i luv the bus.. the Shuttle bus is so not frequent...... we waited for nearly an hour for the next bus........................................

ok.. back at uni campus.. had to rush back to jubilee for dinner liao... again.. stuck in traffic.. stupid! dat day = official bus travel day

wednesday = windy windy windy.argh.

morning was like sooooo sunny.. i even decided to wear sen screen...who noes..

the wind was so strong in the afternoon.. n i hd to walk to Queen's Medical Centre to sign up for course.. who noes.. the course convenor is not there...

fine.. i just go back...

decided to sign up for 2 philosophy modules... so went back to Trent Building..

n the wind is still blowing... very hard...

in the end.. i eventually signed up all my modules in there..

i also took Italian... cos French does not fit into my timeslots..

***

half way thru, n i'm tired liao.. n the campus night enternainment here is like clubbing n partying.. wat the... oh well.. who ask dis UK so popular with pubs?

nv joined any night events b4..actually i did.. dat one is just hot chocolate session... n i already couldn't stand it.. cos too smoky.. ppl smoke indoor.. wat the.........

my fren is asking me to go for one this fri.. i am ok with the loud music i guess.. but definitely not the damn smoke! i hate smoke!

oh well.. just c how it goes....

oh my god.. i hvnt update dis for ages...dis will be a very long post.. really really long.. but shssss... i'm in the uni campus now! n the internet is juz suppose to b for emails... haha...okok

these days in UK... mum is still like hunting for bookstores.. like she did in US.. oh no! but thank goodness she did not find many books abt astrology here.... otherwise.. her luggage will be soooooooo heavy again...

there's dis royal mail truck dat i keep c-ing in UK.... reminds me of.. a cartoon called the postman...

hmm.... i tot i hv many things to say... ohyeah... we've been to 2 beauty expo... it became really boring after awhile... cos dad is like searching for products... i am more interesting in the nails stuff... but they r all too pro for me...

we've been searching for restaurants in nottingham... many introduced by the guide book were good... but there's one chinse restaurant dat we took a long time to find... but the food was good, luckily.

dad was anxious to look around places around nottingham.. so in the end, we've been drving to derbyshire, leicestershire, burmingham, sheffield, mansfield.. etc... n for sum reason... i always fall asleep in the car while mum is bc being the navigator holding the map... n dad is bc driving...haha...

ok..dat's it... i'm getting worried dat the person will cut me off.. for doing sth else...

老朋友聚会，短暂。

just came back from outing with frens.. ops~ 应该写华语的…… 因为，有一个人说我每次写英文喔~ 哈哈……

今天，和琬琪，诗琪，琬啾见面，在KLCC。好久没见了咯~ 很开心！我们本来说好要看戏，结果，都没看。在madam kwan's 那吃午餐，吃的很饱。然后那个茹琬琪最后来的却死命说话，哈哈。她们都说我话很少，哈，不知道怎么回答。

after dat, i saw Le Suen in Kino~ OMG~! such a coincidence.. she said dat she is living juz opposite KLCC!! wau~ she was like.."r u here to buy pens too?"... haha...

可惜时间过得很快，好像才见一下子而已。拍了些照片留念。至于那些照片，现在还未能刊登于此，那个cable不在这里。

明天和琬啾再约去redbox。最喜欢唱歌了。期待。

很奇怪，每次见完朋友之后，心里面，总是有那么一点点的落寞。好像上一秒的快乐，马上被突然的曲终人散，掩盖住了。回到家，就像重新回到了空虚的世界一样。在家里徘徊也不是，收拾东西也不知该从哪里开始。也许，想带走的太多，后来却发觉，必须留下来的，更多。

突然之间，想进入一个虚拟的空间。就像看书。现在才发觉，为什么自己那么喜欢藤井树。今天，终于都让我找到了《听笨金鱼唱歌》，在KLCC的Kino。（Steph! 可以借给你了！:P) 终于，家里的藤井树系列，应该算完整了。

吃饭时间了。其实，现在还不饿。不过，还是陪陪老人家喝点汤吧。

a few more days left, n i will be leaving for U.K.

还有不到一个星期的时间。离开是新的开始，全新的开始，可能是生命中重要的转折点。

i din really feel the excitement, the anxiety nor the scariness.

直到，直到昨天，星期日，去了一趟briefing.

it was a pre-departure briefing, n also abt meeting msian undergrates n seniors.

我遇见了两位中华生。也许是巧合。但她们是交换学生，exchange students，好像是去一年而已。

dun feel like packing, even though i really shud. i feel like doing things that i want to do 1st.

看了《Because of You》，还没看完，却足以影响我。做了想做的，就应做该做的。

but i haven't finish printing memories of msia in my mind, the images r not enuf, yet.

没想到，我脑袋的容量，比我想象中大很多。

i need more. taste, sound, weather, images, friends, life.

我想烙印在脑海中的事物，我不想让味蕾忘掉的食物。 脑子可以装很多，却可能很快被打入冷宫。

tmr meeting old school frens, yet time is short. busy schedules do clashes: exams, work, etc.

但，我们珍惜，我们了解，我们心里有数。见面是仪式而已，友情不会被现实控制的。

because if frenship is true, if frenship is from the heart, it will remain unbreakable.

也许会冷淡，但是一旦在未来的日子有交集，友情会从停掉的地方延续，而不是重头开始。

***

什么是幸福？

幸福是：听着代表你心情的音乐，喝着代表你心情的饮料。

幸福是：曾经拥有一段值得回忆的过去。

幸福是：懂得笑的美丽。

幸福是：你心情很轻松的时候，不由自由地笑的时候。

***

望着手提电话，无聊得想开始乱sms人。无奈，不懂那个受害者是谁。有时候，如果生命中，有一个人可以陪着你，也像你一样无聊地sms，是不是会让寂寞的空气，增添少许的笑容呢？

如果很久没有伤心的感觉，会不会很奇怪？不是开心的时候，却又不像是伤心的时候，真得很奇怪。于是，开始在电脑播起所谓伤心的歌，想让自己有一个可以解释的情绪。

今天，我和妹妹坐计程车出去。一路上，我们没有说话。其实，这很正常，我本来也不感觉有什么异样。但是，如果坐我旁边的人，不是妹妹，而是别人，例如说，一个不是很熟的朋友，我就会觉得空气蔓延着很尴尬的气氛，好像一秒没有东西讲就表示我们是没有话说的朋友。不知道，这也许只是我奇怪的想法。

没话说了，我现在正在想，到底此刻的情绪是什么。

无聊篇

一天一天的过去，9月快到了啦！没想到，那么快我就要飞到老远的英国去了。

哎，好像还有一大堆的事还没做似的。还没见完朋友，还没买完要带去的东西，还没办完该办的手续，还没有收拾任何的东西，还没收拾心情。

我是很期待全新的生活体验，可能是因为住在这个无聊的家很久了吧。每天不是看电视，就是上网，每天都计划要收拾乱糟糟的书桌，可是永远都不会去做。

hiwayu的书也看得7788了...只剩下《这是我的答案》and 《听笨金鱼唱歌》。可是，一直买不到《听》... 气死了啦。。。

天啊。。。为什么CD这样贵！我又想买CD了。。因为啊。。觉得download很缺德。。哈哈。。虽然我已经dl了很多很多首啦。。

yeah!明天我和朋友去义达的签唱会哦！虽然不是义达的超级粉丝，也可以替妹妹拿签名啦！因为她比我疯狂！老实说，义达的歌真的是越听越棒哦！

哎呀。。。太久没有写东西原来是会生疏的。。现在，也不知道要写什么了啦。等我的生活精彩一点才写好了。

拜。

用一半的心

突然之间，我发觉我变得很表面化。其实，更正确地，应该是说，我发现我是一个很表面的人。做事情只用一半的心，因此在乎的通常都是结果，而不是过程。明明所有事情的过程永远都重要过结果。可是，社会告诉我们，我们要看到你成功的结果，不是有多辛苦的过程。

减肥。很多人为了减肥，动手术这个那个，出现很多十年前会觉得很匪夷所思，甚至是不道德的事。到了现在，道德的标准变了。所以，N年以后，也许复制人类已经是合法的了。

盗版。人们在意的是成果。你的CD好听，很多人就会download，管你是花了半年还是三年完成的专辑。电影也是一样。

听歌。我们习惯听歌，先听到旋律。这没有错。但是，因为用一半的心去听，所以只听到了音乐，忽略了歌词的部分。一首商业歌，好不好听，好像最重要。我也是这样。很多时候，听歌就只听旋律。那好啊，不用歌词也罢！就不知道为什么，最近开始留意比较没那么商业化的专辑。买了蓝亦邦的专辑，还有coldplay 的。老实说，两者的music都不是很catchy，不是一听就喜欢的那种。但我开始留意歌词，发现我喜欢歌词多过音乐。歌词的内涵，把我带入音乐，所以我才留意到了音乐。这种歌，比较能够让人感动很久。

当然，不能只听这样的音乐。因为有时候，唱歌的人也是很重要。若要我选择，我宁愿听一个会唱歌的人唱不好听的歌，好过。。

i've lost the sense of not belonging, n so i've lost my sensibilty. 曾经一度的迷惘错乱，寂寞孤单，反而让我专心的利用我的感性。生活变得平顺，一切变得很自然，没什么事需要操心的，也因为这样，我失去了我洞察人性的感情。我失去了观察的能耐，把重心移植到满足社会人应该拥有的欲望。欲望越多，也同时失去的感觉更多。寂寞时发掘出来的观察能力，也随即逐渐消失。

可是，我没理由重头寂寞。寂寞不好受。所以，我要学习如何满足表面化的成就的同时，不忘记内心真正的挣扎，真正想寻找的东西。我不知道那会是什么，因为我还在寻找。心曾经引领我去到了灰暗的深渊，环境后来把我拉出来。但是，我却从此渐渐把心灵给遗忘，开始更了解这个迟早都会坏掉的臭皮囊。心灵，纵使让我很不快乐过，也让我成长得很多。现在，我想回到我的心灵深处，触摸那个伤口，让真正的感动让它慢慢痊愈，真正地痊愈并成长得更健康。

我要学着，用我所有的心，去完成生活上的大大小小的事。

dis hols.. i've been travelling..

i went from Newark to K.L... experienced the hazy days in K.L. n a trip to redbox! best place to be when there's hot sun or bad haze out there.. n of course.. a taste of hawker food... went to Alison hawker stall twice.. ate curry noodle the 1st time.. n 怡保芽菜鸡 the 2nd time.. n certainly.. nv missed out on 炒果条! the best eva~ sum how.. i miss small portion of meals.. n all those carbo! ahha...

after 2 days at K.L... went to sg again... i tot i wasnt gonna be back in here anymore u noe! haah.. but who noes.. i am back again! rite i pass the imm... took a taxi from West Mall to Cine.. met up with 89s! it was ur last meeting.. but hey 89s! if u all r reading dis.. dat will NOT be our last meeeting!! bcos.. i think i will be able to go to 义达's 签名会 after all!! yeah!! mum said dat we will be staying till the end of the mth.. n i already told her abt going! yeah! so happy! wanna meet 89s again! ops.. hvn't send u all the taiwan pics.. sowie...will do it later i finish blogging.. :P

ohwell.. guess wat! my fren told me dat the sky in K.L. was clear today! wat........ hmph! fine! after we go to sg, the sky wind decides to change it's direction? duh! anyways.. i shud be happy rite? haha...

many things to buy here in sg... today just bought U87-- Eason 陈奕迅's CD.. can't find 蓝亦邦’s 无非想快乐 in West Mall.. act.. when i went out with 89s.. i saw it in orchard popular.. but not enuf money to buy at dat time! argh! so.. guess i will hv to keep trying.. really need to get updated b4 going to UK..

quite excited abt going to UK... a lot of new things will happen i guess.. 1st time away from parents for a yr.. dat's the least to say.. entering a whole new environment is wat's most anticipating! hope can meet up with Bro Mike.. n go chinatown n KTV? n also wanna meet up with 892 in London! KTV too! haahah.... i am really a KTV freak! but it's good! i luv singin!!!!!

i'm way too excited now... shall listen to dear Eason sing now... haha.. n post those pics to 89s.. b4 they threaten to kill me.. haha..

home sweet home

when smth come to an end, we r always reluctant to say goodbye.

been in US for 1 n a half mth...at 1st, din really like US... dunno y.. but of coz.. dat may be sum kind of prejudice... but now.. i realise.. i like the place just like any other place dat is foreign to me... dat is new to me... i like it.. cos the place i live in for the past mth was like a small town... no bad traffic.. no polluted air.. no extreme weather due to concrete..

i remember.. the 1st week here was the beginning of summer.. the atmosphere still has an essence of spring air.. n the mornings are often cloudy.. n one of those mornings.. my dad, mum n me... went to jogging along the road.. the weather was so cooling.. just like those in genting or cameron highlands... n we pass by nice n cosy lil hses.. with beautiful xmas trees in front of their hses.. n they nv hv fencing... unlike msia... their postbox r so beautiful too.. then we went to a family restaurant n had excellent american breakfast... despite the portion was too big.

after dad left, the weather turn hotter... everyday... i hv to apply sunblock lotion.... after sister left for treatment... me n mum wld then walk around chester town to search for a coffee shop to hv breakfast.... those mornings n free afternoons.... i manage to finish one chinese novel n one english novel..

we shopped a lot.... bcos.. there is nth left to do? haha...i think so... i had a mth of eating, drinking n shopping.... though... i hv to say... still derive of sleep... hols r suppose to be for sleeping... as in no alarm clock to ring u up every morning...

n finally... we hv to leave.... i am now in Newark Airport... usingthis lowsy computer dat is so slow.... it had caused me to become angry... n the anger chased all the inspirtaion away.... ok.. time to leave.. as i'll be boarding...soon...

i wanna dance!!

i wanna attend professional dance lessons again!!!

i hv been watching dis programme on fox channel here in US.. they r showing a new programme produced by the same producer of American Idol, called "So You Think You Can Dance"... i miss the 1st one hr of this 1hr n a half episode today... but the last half an hr is enuf to make me feel like dancing!!!

there was a part where one dancer dance to the music in cls... while the choreographer n the others watch.. n u noe wat! he danced until he break into tears! but of coz, he kept dancing... n the other contestants who were watching together also start crying!! so emotional! n he was dancing a modern dance routine!! ohno~ i felt like joining them dat moment!!

i dun care! i am seriously gonna go for dance lessons in uni! too bad nottingham doesn't hav modern.. but they ballet, jazz n hip-hop~ i wonder if it's ok for me to go to all of them! haha..

n then.. went for 2 yoga lessons since i was here.. the lessons were cool! i liked them! they were more advanced than those dat i use to go to during grade 11.. oni for a term though.. haha..but the 2 lessons dat i went in here were great! havent been sweating from doing stretching etc etc for yrs! i enjoy sweating after all those body movements! but i think i wont be able to attend another one here already.. since i am leaving soon~ haihz..i hope they hv yoga/pilates in nott! i hope they do!!

tmr going to NY once more.. this time going to chinatown! going to eat chinese lunch! yahoo! ciao now... hv to wake up tmr.. for breakfast at Perkins Family Restaurant.. yeah~ boy am i gonna gain weight! gosh~

book baton

Ok 893!! argh~~ haah.. jkjk..

number of books owned:
what! what kind of Q is dis? ok.. do u mean from when i was in kindergarten? or wat! for god sake! how would i noe?

The last book I bought:
hmm... last book i bought in in Taiwan... 《十年的你》 by 藤井树! finish reading it already! yeah~ nice book... his style is becoming more mature.. n more open? I mean..笔触更加大胆。 the "feel" is not the same as the others...


Five books that mean a lot to me:
wow.. not an easy question u noe~

ok... i think one of them will be..方文山的《演好自己的偶像剧》。 the book is not with me now.. so not so sure if the title was rite... it's oni until after i read dis book, my inspiration of writing poetic things is becoming more vivid to me... i think...

i dunno if dis is one of them too... er.. 刘墉的萤窗小语。i borrowed it in the library.. i think it was primary or secondary? can't really remember... anyways... i learnt dat.. i hv to write down wat i c or wat i tot in order to collect inspiration...

n then..of coz... 《B栋11楼》！after reading dis book, i knew i would be in luv with hiyawu's book! n i did! it's so nice!!! i am hoping to get all of his books!

2 left! so difficult! maybe... 《小王子》... the little prince... it's nice i think..but 在N年前就已经忘记里面的内容了... 只记得面包树.... i wanna read again... i remember the preface said if u read it in different ages, u will gain different things.. so wanna read it again..

n... 几米的... i can't remember the title! but his books r nice... expecially dat one... his imagination is wild... uses cute graphics to express his tots.. which also reflects the nature of human beings.. n the society...


Five people to whom become the next victims :
do u think any of the ppl dat i mention will actually go do dis things? i dunno.. so.. i refuse to ans dis question..

Sometimes, ppl juz take advantage of u, most certainly, without u noeing wat's going on. but after u've noe wat's act happening, do we hv to be angry? cos, u noe, there is no turning back of time, anyways. u can't reverse wat had happened, n u can't prevent the next one from happening. those ppl, won't warn u, would they?

when we came to this town, nobody knew who we were. We went to many coffee shops, but there weren't many to go to. Soon, the ppl in the coffee shops became familiar to us. They knew we exist a long time ago, but in another part of the world. Soon after that, we left the town for home. They knew we had left, as they would never see us, probably forever again. However, from then onwards, they would recognise ppl like us, ppl dat exist in the other part of the world.

movies

watching a movie is ex in US.. but i watched 3 movies here already... add up with the 2 movies i watched in HK, n 1 in msia, i've watched 6 movies this summer! woo~sum good, sum ok... but the one i like best among all is Initial D! haha.. not oni of the cast, but also the movie in general...

Beginning to realise dat a lot of movies r very extreme.. too out of the real world... movie's like Initial D is kinda ok.. at least i noe dat there r such ppl dat can drive as fast.. maybe.. it's just me beginning to like chinese movies... n actually, all the other 5 movies r hollywood movies.. n i dun really like them hollywood movies.. some of them...

take for example, War of the Worlds. ok.. big cast, big promotion etc.. but the movies is kinda.. no focus? i dunno... dunno wat is the point of the front bit... effects r great as usual... but storyline kinda blurry... of all the hollywood movies.. i like Batman Begins the best.. the storyline is much clearer.. it's quite good actually... liked it a lot...n then... Bewitched.. it was a cute witch movie..like all fairy-tale types.. n all witch-type-movies... another one which i had longed to watch for ages was Charlie n the Chocolate Factory.. n then.. just watched The Island today.. it was abt human cloning.. quite a fresh topic in the big screen i wld say? dunno.. of course... still din really like the storyline.. i mean.. it wasnt very clear wat happen to the human clones after dat...

hmm.. my entry is really very boring dis time...

ohwell.. hv been reading Harry Potter lately.. not the lastest half-blood prince.. but the earlier Goblet of Fire.. i always wanted to read it b4 the movie begins... though i think the movie will oni be out by oct/nov? but i like the story! so interesting! cant wait to finish it.. n actually i'd finish reading the climax already...

n i bought shoes today! u noe.. if i dun get them here in US.. i wount be able to get them anywhere else! thank god they had my size... in Skechers... others din hv my size! wat! am i dat humungous dat i need to go to some giany shop to get one pair of shoes? for goodness sake! i ahte it! the gal dat the shoe shop i went b4 told me to find shoes in the MEN section! oh, thx a lot.. i can get MAN's shoes in anywhere else if i so wanted to wear on MAN's shoes foreva! argh! hmph!... but at last! got shoes in Skechers! yeah~

ooookie.. getting very excited abt shoes... my entry is really getting very weird these days.. i just write watever come off my mind at dat moment.. juz like wat i am doing now..

ok.. the TV is very distractive.. i shall retreat to the TV screen soon.. no... act i shud retreat to Harry Potter...

ok now.. another update of wat i'm up to today...

u noe.. when i walk on the road.. i saw sth or do sth.. n then, i feel like i wanna blog.. or write it down.. i feel like i am to-be author or smth at dat moment.. i mean.. at those moments.. but.. it's not quite probable.. i just like to write..

ok.. hmm.. u c.. when i retreat to my room.. i lost all my inspirations~ crap! *thinking hard* hmm.. ok.. recall memories.. sis's treatment has been switched to morning sesssion as the Dr. was so kind to pick us up at the hotel.. as u noe, we dun hv a transport at the moment n the taxi fee is sososo exxx~ n then... as usual, when mei does her routine, me n mum just luv to stroll around our fav chester city n hav a cup of coffe sumwhere.. so.. almost every morning, i am flushing my throat wif caffine ( sorry, i cant spell~ ;P).. ok.. sumtimes, i drink decaf... the main point i am saying dis is, there r sooooo many types of coffee here~ there's columbian, almond, french vanilla, pumpkin spice, creme brulee... etc etc... sum r good sum r not soo welcomed by my taste buds.. n the solution is... for good coffees..i dun necessary add milk, but for not-so-'aromatic' or not-so-rich coffees, i add milk~ n wala~ it will taste much more better.. god, am i becoming a coffeeholic or wat~ but i dun act like drinking coffee everyday.. i like variations.. n i often regret dat i did not chose to drink tea.. but the truth is often dat my eyesight was not sharp enuf to hv notice the teas~ ohwell.. tmr shud drink tea then...

ppl~ aren't u bored by my coffee speech here?

ohwell... last to mention in the coffee section.. the best thing abt coffee hses is, the aroma of hot coffee! or maybe it's from the coffee powder/beans?

next thing dat made me wanna rush home to blog is...wat was it? hmm..*thinking hard, 4 the 2nd time today*..hmm..okok..recalling again.. ohya.. after mei is done with her routine.. we walked to Wendy's old-fashioned hamburger 4 quick lunch n then walked to the theater to watch Charlie n the Chocolate Factory... kinda weird dat Willy Wonka.. n the movie was a bit weird too.. but then.. after toking with mum abt it as we always do after a movie session.. we start rambling abt the symbols dat the movie is trying to portray.. the obesity problem, spoiled children, too much tv n technology, lack of 'family-ness'... etc etc.. n at the very instant, i feel like i am going back to English cls~! but dis time, analysing a movie instead! maybe, it's cool to hv cartoons as part of social studies... cartoons do tell a lot. n btw, the movie is kinda violent too... not to mention the repetitive singing by the lumpa wateva 'ppl' n the punishment of the 4 kids...

then.. it was grocery time n home sweet home... n oh yes.. b4 the grocery time, we went for a snack.. ate a blueberry bagel with butter n drank peppermint tea.. no more caffeine 4 the day...

ok...home time is nth diff... tv, internet, working out at ladies workout express.. etc.. then dinner etc... dinner was instant noodle n pizza btw... dis time, the instant noodle was better... it was sesame-miso.. it was tasteless as 1st.. but then, i realise i 4got to stir the soup... hahaha.. n then it became nice...

okie.. time to zzz.... n at dis very time... the laptop will always start running out of battery n i wont hv time to do bolding, italicing n colouring of the key words.. oh well.. pls do not mind the invention of vocab... k.. ciao..

another day has passed by... the usual eat-read harry potter-tv-internet etc... my god.. thank god mum n i signed up the lady's workout express.. otherwise, u can imagine dat i will be the size of a typical american... ops.. no pointing to anyone.. but just u noe..

but there was sth special today.. there's dis antique car show along the roadside of chester town.. which was cool! cos i really like those antique stuff! same as jay do~ ahhaa.. but i really really do ok.. not cos of him oni! i like antique cos they r so 'vintagy'.. ( i made up dat word btw).. they r so classy, n so cool~ sorry ppl.. i really can't describe with my limited vocab.. ok.. switch to chinese.. since i havent blog in chinese for a while already..

说到古董车展，真的很令人激奋。激奋的原因，除了是碰巧遇上难得的古董车展，更重要的是，至少这几天来的平淡生活多了几分的波浪。虽然，这里指的古董车展，只不过是古董车的主人们一同将他们的宝贝开到同一条街上。最重要的，我拍了不少照片！超级酷哦~！请看下图。。。




upload 的速度实在太慢了，因此，请各位读者到 www.tzeshean.multiply.com 察看更多照片。
Okok... times up! time to sleep!! zzzz.. tmr waking up at wat time? oh no! 8? or earlier? hehezz... holidays man! not suppose to wake up so early.. niwaes.. i am hungry now! ops.. havent done my late nite exercise yet! okie.. sis's turn to use the comp!! opss. she 4got the lyrics of sum song~ ahah..ok..random.. the readers r seriously gonna kill me for 'babling' like a 'babi'... ;p 8888..

i was so happy today...

in the morning.. 'officially' woke up at 10am, though i woke up for a few minutes at 6 sth n 8 sth.
had breakfast at panini bread... ate a bowl of black bean soup n half a tuscan chicken sandwich with rosemary n onion focaccia bread...i was happy with my breakfast..

dad is leaving today.. so no car from tmr onwards.. so went to buy lots of things.. shampoo, toothbrush, bread, orange juice etc... it was already 3 sth by then...went back to hotel to keep our grocery items n dad prepares to go home..he ate instant noodle as a quick dinner b4 he leaves..

n finally... we bid our goodbyes to him... sad to c him leave...*sob*

ate dinner @ longhorn steakhse...quite tasty but quite salty too... mum says dat we shud start cooking @ home.. the food outside is too unhealthy... i miss healthy food~ whahaa... decided to eat breakfast at home tmr morning... i shall eat my wholegrain cereal with organic soy milk n eat italian herb bread... luv bread so much... n also drink orange juice...

we bought so many fruits too.. peaches, apples, oranges.. n i will also drink sum lemon water... to slim down? whaaha...

looking fwd to breakfast tmr... n another mth in Mount Olive-Budd Lake...

having a few blogs is a headache sumtimes... so once again.. i shall post one entry for both~

lost in new jersey... not dat i dun like it here... just seem to be alienated from the world outside US.. i dunno wat is happening now to ppl in sg or msia.. n i dunno wat is showing on my fav channels at home... i am eating too much western food... not yet sick of it.. but feels weird.. especially when we r not really going on a tour..

dad is going home today.. 3 of us left here.. in hotel extended stay america.. going to miss him.. for 1 mth..n soon.. i will be going to UK...

i just bought coldplay's new album.. listening to it now.. n also keane's album... haven't listen to it...

weird.. i hv nth to say in the morning.. maybe cos i havent eat breakfast.. i hav been eating in Perkin's family restaurant for a few times.. dunno where r we heading dis time...

mum was saying dat she will teach me to cook n to do pedicure n menicure n also facial n makeup stuff... havent started yet.. maybe soon.. after dad leaves.. n we will have more time..

hv been travelling to a few nearby towns by car these days.. but the car rental is seriously too exx.. so we cannot rent it for the whole mth...

we went to Bridgewater for good food n good shopping yesterday.. act.. more good food...

eating too much these days.. so i am trying not to finish everything on my plate... but dad n mum isnt happy abt dat idea...

ate an apple juz now... havent ate breakfast yet.. getting hungry already.. cos it's 11.50am...

黑白颠倒.. i feel lost...

i havent started the novel-writing yet... have been planning abt the characters in my head lately... hv to write them down b4 they go away... but i lost track of my good old inspiration these days... perhaps.. i need some excitation.. or sum impact on my emotions..

shall leave to start planning my writing... n i dunno when will i really get started..

i seem to nv do wat i always wanted to do...

haven't been blogging for many days... need to be quick with this post.. laptop is running low in battery..

i'm now in New Jersey ~ Chester.. a small town... the weather's cooling... the town is filled with trees.. i like this kind of environment... faraway from concretes.. n tall buildings dat r competing to reach the unreachable.. the hses r simple yet very cosy-like.. i wish i could own one... i luv to stayed here.. although.. it is in US.. dun really like US actually..

went to a typical family breakfast restaurant last morning... i am mentioning dis becos i saw a very decorative cupboard hanging on the wall with small drawers.. i went in front of it n tried to open one of the drawers.. guess wat? it could not be opened! i can't believe i am saying dis.. but dis immediately reminds me of the fake imitation of the American Dream... in Great Gatsby.. i was like.. OMG, the fake imitation thing is real~ haha..complicated life~

19 mins more b4 laptop goes dead..

hav a lot to say once i get started.. but the laptop doesnt allow me to~ shall continue tmr..

btw.. 7/7 had been a bad day 4 london... another terrorist attack? can we juz have sum peace?

**to be continue...

u noe..it's too late to blog~ no one blogs now.. i believe.. it's in fact 3am~

today.. met cousin mike. went to eat a very full lunch with him n his bro seann... other ppl who joined us include mum, popo and mei. then.. went home..
at nite. went to redbox with them.. 8pm~12am..but not satisfied. so came home and sing with sis... but..she retreated to find master zhou~ 周公la... anyways.. i shud do dat myself after i blog..

sang quite sum canton songs in redbox... cos i worked hard to improve on my pronunciation at home.. so i must sing no matter wat~ haha.. and i am so beginning to like to sing canton songs~ yeah.. was practising juz now.. hav loads of lyrics on my comp now.. for goodness sake~

btw.. my cousin mike speaks weirdly now.. has a mix of china accent in his chinese, and sum british-accented words in his english.. ahah... so rojak~~!

so... back to my topic.. i really need more karaoke~ hoping to get sum in hk.. wanna go try the ktv there.. taiwan one was very good~ enjoyed it a lot..

gonna sing more canton songs in hk.. if possible.. hope the ppl wont laugh at my veli inaccurate canton...

okie.. dats all.. not gonna bother to recheck.. wanna zz.. tmr may eat 'brunch' with mike.. and dad~ and hopefully.. watch Initial D with cousin... though he had watched in already on vcd.. pirated i suppose~ gona force him to watch again` wahaah...

jap namie~

i went to this site today... and got my jap name.. but i think it is a random one...haha..
but anyways.. my jap name is....

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 天音 Amane (sound of heaven).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

haha... not bad.. i have sound of heaven ler.. haha...

tmr going to wake up early.. so 99~

finally.. i better update soon..my sis is grumbling dat i nv update mine..

today.. was planning to go to eat dim sum then go redbox ktv at THE CURVE... but then! my dad.. for some reason, wasn't in the mood to go ktv.. so sad! so.. we went to Janda Baik in the end.. it's a place near genting highland.. so nice~ it's like my dream place to be.. as in.. it's very natural.. away from the dust of big cities.. it really reminds me of pangkor.. my hometown... or more accurately.. my parent's hometown.. i have been nagging to go there.. but nobody seems to want to go there.. haihz... i miss pangkor island~ i miss the beaches, the sea, the 'lai fan', the laksa, the air, the motorcycles.. and i miss family gathering..

by this minute.. i think my counsins r back from sg... and my cousin who is studying in UK shud be back in msia my now.. hope to meet them soon...

sis was saying dat we shud go redbox on tues~~ i agree!! i wanna go! i have been practising my cantonese songs~~

ok.. tok abt friday..

friday.. went out with yuen chee and eeling! so long din c them~ we shop for so long in 1 utama~ and we ate italiannes.. and took many photos.. so happy! and we chat a lot too!! so fun.. i like this kind of meeting... looking fwd to the next one~

saturday...eeling and yuen chee slept over at my place.. so ate brunch at my hse.. then at night, went back to 1 utama to eat! we ate at a very good italian restaurant~ so nice! i like the food!

i am lazy to type now... it's 1.20 am.. i've been sleeping really late these days.. i dun really enjoy sleeping late.. cos i am always awaken by the sunlight.. or by my dreams.. or.. by my restless mind...

i need to start my story-writing soon.. lately.. i felt restless... and i really dunno y...
i dreamt too much abt weird things.. abt memories, fiction-ish things.. abt frens.. abt.. i cant even remember clearly anymore...

going h.k. soon... and then going to u.s. for a mth.. i dun like such arrangements.. i want to spend more time at home.. and meet frens dat i had always wanted to meet.. and stare blankly for as long as i want.. i want to be touched by sentimental songs at nite.. until there's a twitchy feeling in my nose.. and until my eyes becomes watery.. i want to bake cakes and cookies.. i want to eat my favourite hawker food... i want to eat roti canai.. chicken rice.. penang prawn noodle.. 'gon lou' noodle...
i dowan to eat american fast food... or american dinner...

but.. i cant.. time does not allow me to get wat i want...

and soo.... i shall let my dreams to continue to awaken me at 7am... i shall let my tears roll down out of no reason... i shall let my restlessness to continue to burn inside me..

but..

i will not let my inspiration fade away... i shall not control my senses until i feel the numb..

and so..

and so..

let the story continue...

or..

let it begin..

89s的友谊，是最腼腆的。从来不曾述说肉麻的问候，也从不哭泣，从不拥抱。最疯狂的举动，也只不过是以傻傻的兴奋与大笑表示。高亢的情绪落幕以后，我仍旧感受到89s之间的僵持与客气。

直到台湾之旅后。

说长不长，说短不短的台湾之行，令我们之间的友谊得到了提升。我们几乎是一天24个小时都分不开的吃在一起，走在一起，笑在一起，睡在一起。同样的情绪与心情牵引着这份异国情谊，走过了11天的旅程，也同时揭开了89友情中新的一页。然而，上天总是在缔造一份可贵的友谊的同时，安排了分离的一天。于是，就在离开Changi Airport 的那一个晚上，童心为泯的我们心中都已清楚知道，下一次3个同聚一堂的难处。然而，3个人不带一丝伤感的道别了……请说我太感性，但是，友情的难得之处，我不是第一次感受到。

在台北的C.K.S.机场，我写了这段的感言：
“结束了。10~11天的旅程到了尽头，即将与89们告别。往后的日子里，也不知几时有机会见面…… 这次的旅途，学到了什么？也许，就是相处之道吧。在熟悉与陌生之间，依旧没有明确的界线。但是，在这10天里，认识了更多彼此的点滴。
2.05p.m.，坐在开普登咖啡厅，听着信乐团的歌曲，3人各忙各的，悲从中来。也许不是时候，但是迟早的事。不管曾经有多少猜忌，现在已不再重要。无形中，就这样建立起的友情，到了此刻，虽然不至于瓦解，却是即将面临分离。。。

回到新加坡，没了感觉。看了892 感人肺腑的留言，我的心多了酸酸的滋味。人生的路，也许就是这样的吧。有舍才有得，最重要的是，共同历经的青春回忆，将永远烙印心中。纵使这样的旅行，可能是空前绝后的，是仅有的一次，我们也都已经准备了面对的勇气。快乐的回忆，终究是比伤感的离情别绪来得重要。选择保留着愉悦的心情分道扬镳，也许就是我们之间共同建立起的无言的默契。

不去后悔不曾珍惜过什么，却一定要庆幸，自己曾经珍惜了什么。愿与89s共勉之。

看了《猫空爱情故事》后。。

看了《猫空爱情故事》以后，我的灵感与触觉，归还到来了。
我就是这样，需要一些不经意的激荡，才能再一次引领我，回到我迷糊的诗境里。
这样是好，还是不好，没有人能说准，我也不想加以分析。

***

离台湾之行还剩下4 天的时间。我是该开始收拾了；收拾衣服，也收拾心情。
衣服，樱怡刚刚还问我，要带些什么衣服。不然咧？若你想带冬衣，我可是准备好相机，随时拍下6月天穿上冬衣的你的。哈哈。开个玩笑。
说到衣服，除了拥有住惯了全年365天都是大热天的优势，既是说衣服不必特别准备，其实，还有许多用品是需要买的。
好比说，遮阳用的太阳帽，太阳眼镜有了一副，还有最重要不过的太阳油。没有了它，谁能保证我凯旋回来的时候，还会不会是大家认识的陈芝璇。还有，为了避免老了的时候，少出没一些可恶的斑，我还是小心使得万年船。
至于后续的必备品，大可下删一百字，反正也许也没有人愿意听我在这里自言自语。
心情嘛，应该开始收集旅行前的期待与向往，还有一定得添加“在没有大人的陪同下，与好朋友结伴同游”的快感才行。
嗯，那又要如何建立这样的感觉呢？
这，简单得比吃饭还容易。
明天开始收拾不就是了嘛。
啰嗦。

很期待去台湾。尤其是最后几天的台北之行！自己寻找可口的道地美食，再到钱柜或好乐迪唱歌，逛夜市，血拼，到周董的店，西门町。。。哇！太爽了！ 不，爽还是不足以形容那一种还未成形的情绪。那，要用什么来形容呢？屌！对了！

过了几秒钟。。

脑袋一片空白。

待台湾之行回来之后，璇风要开始写作了。这一次，不再写爱情诗。这一次，想写小说。只是在想，写了，也只有自己看，没意思。算了吧。不然这么样呢？

若任何人，如果有人的话，对璇风即将写作的小说感兴趣，请在六月中到六月尾开始，浏览 www.tzeshean.blogspot.com 。现在去也行，但你只会看到一些，我重看以后想呕吐的作品。所以，也许接下来的小说，就不要抱太大的希望了。那也只会是，璇风纯粹的构画，自然流露的血淋淋之作。

看来，我还需要一些文学营养来激荡我。外加一些旅游心得，也许这样，各位的眼睛在看完那未成形的小说，会比较值回电话费，外加买时间的臭钱。

stupid 金曲奖，wat result was that? the oni results dat i am happy with are FIR winning the new artist award and 动力火车 winning 重唱组合。 haihz... and the 女演唱人！stefanie win liao... act is ok... she is good.. but i wan Fish to win... haihz.. 算了吧。明年再接再厉。

***

so sien....这几天也不知道自己再干嘛，因为真的没有再干嘛。不能这样下去了。明天开始，应该要做点什么才行。

明天，照样睡到自然醒。*爽* 然后，吃早餐看报纸。然后呢，看书，看电视。哎呀！这么还是这样无聊呢？无聊到我现在都不想再blog下去了。又没钱出街。 算了，我现在无聊透顶。就此搁笔。

tired~

现在的我，只能用一个字形容，累。

连续血拼了两天，本来脚不是很累，但是，重重的包包，压在大腿上近两小时，大腿现在隐隐作痛。都怪我看电影时，不会把包包放在旁边。

刚从West Mall回来，吃了Balithai后，去看了Star Wars:Return of the Sith。

***

YeAh~~!! i bought my prom dress already~ i bought it yesterday actually... it's black... but the design is nice.. it's quite high cut on one leg... then diagonally down the other side...
and today.. bought a shoe to match... my mum said it would match perfectly.. but i dunno la~ haha... hope she is rite.. since she is kinda experienced..
hopefully tmr can buy accessories and stuff... but too bad my mum say no ear-piercing 1st.. she say it will be infected? argh~~ i bet this excuse will continue until dunno when... hope not!

anyways, of course we (mum and me) did not just go shopping for the prom dress.. we bought other stuff as well~~ haha.. went shopping for clothes yesterday.. and today.. OMG.. was the 'shoe-shopping' day... we bought so many shoes~ for 3 of us~~ but i am happy.. at least found shoes for my size!!

ok.. i have to go bathe~ so late already..

need to rest for tmr's shopping again..

休息，是为了走更长远的路。:P

考完試了，終于可以松一口氣了。也是時候，將自己久經放一旁的靈感泉源，重新的再找回來。

今天考完試以後，還真的很無聊呢。自己獨自走出，可能從此以後都不會再走的路 —— 學校到路口的那一段路，去搭很久未到過了的巴士。以前，總是以“累”以及“浪費時間”為藉口，但是如今，我的時間多的是呢。搭巴士到了clementi 站，再轉搭mrt.... 本來是想說，一直搭到文萊那一帶的，結果，不小心，在裕廊西下車了。然後，只好搭巴士，前往在文萊的裕廊坊購物中心。信不信，我真地從巴士終站，一直坐車 坐到另外一個站。還好，這一路走來，有我的音樂伴侶陪伴我，否則，大概中途下站了吧。堅持坐車，到了目的地，其一原因，也是爲了省錢。

到了那裏，隨處逛逛，買了一條休閒短褲，然後就回家吃午飯去了。

無奈，本來啊，在考完試之際，我還真的真的很想沖到卡拉OK去大唱特唱，結果，竟然找不到半個人，只好取消念頭了。嗯，其實也好啦，又可以替媽媽省錢。（因爲手上的錢，不能算是我的零用錢）可是！等媽星期四回來之後，周末可是沒有藉口不去了咯~

哈哈。。可能真的沒有人會像我那樣瘋狂吧。

我會為唱歌瘋狂，會為不能去看一場舞蹈演出感到遺憾。就好比說，最近將會來到新加坡的英國芭蕾舞團啊，我買不到門票啊，現在還在傷心呢。

說到跳舞，上了大學以後，我一定要在重新踏入舞界，大展拳腳！哈哈。。 講到我好像很厲害似的。兩年了，兩年都沒正式上過舞蹈課，沒正式地在臺上表演跳舞 ，好想念那種感覺。雖然在學校曾經有表演過一兩次，但是，我所說的，是那種練了幾個月的專業舞蹈。

我很想念舞蹈室的味道，縱使可能充滿汗味，可是，我永遠吻到的，是舞者盡情灑脫的味道，是一種只有身歷其境的人，才能體會的抽象的感覺。永遠忘不了的，是芭蕾學院的每一場大型演出，後臺的緊張氣氛，充滿化妝品的空氣，以及永遠少不了的汗味 —— 一種激情揮發出來的力量。

有時候，我實在覺得自己，不是很像曾經是舞者的人。在人與人溝通之間，我總是膽怯的。無法面對人群，卻比較能夠面對觀衆。從遠處表達沉默的身體語言，還是我比較在行的吧。

好了，看來我以後應該再寫一寫有關舞蹈的事情，寫一個專題。

考完試了，感覺不到放鬆的快感，可能是早在考完試之前鬆懈了下來。其實，很多次的考試都是這樣子，從來沒有想象中的爽。

不管了，周末是我瘋狂的好時機，可以盡情唱歌，希望。

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............

楼上的小姐~ 你在干吗？好奇怪的呐喊声。。。

wat u mean? erm.. actually.. it's b'cos i havent finish exam.. yet. one more paper.. o my scream isnt dat powerful yet...

哦，原来如此。。。 那么，你好在这里干嘛呢？不去读书？

going.. after writing this....

祝你好运。。

thx... and btw... i really wanna go ktv go taiwan go shopping go exercising watch tv go to the movies........

考完试先，好吗？

okok.. fine... shall study now...

why am i here? because i dun have to look at math for at least 3 mths.... because i have finished chem paper 1 and 2... i dun care if i did badly or ok-ish.. cos i can't change wat has happened anyway... if u dun discussed the exam after dat... u won't feel emotionally involved with wat u have done wrong... dat's wat i call.. the numbness over exams... i think i start to develop such kind of numbness in secondary school.. cos u noe la.. chong hwa ( my sec. sch in msia) is such a test-exam-test-exam school...

tmr is chem paper 3 n eng paper 1... and i am oni starting my study now! i finish exam at like 6pm juz now~~ dying of neckache... seriously... i have to walk with my hidung (nose) in the air... otherwise.... nola.. just exaggerating to show how stiff my neck is now... imagine 3 full hrs of math.. then follow by chem... my god! plus, i had 2 hrs of math yesterday.. and the stiffness has developed since then....

and y am i oni studying now? cos i went to west mall with sis to buy, i mean order mother's day gift.. we ordered a coffee bean cake and a bouquet of flower.. dun get me wrong though.. it's a 3-stalk-bouquet of purple carnation... cos no money ok!? it's SGD25! and the cake! seeing dat it's coffee bean, u noe, it's sum how more 'superior' than others... price wise lar.. SGD45... gosh! half of my allowance is gone~ but well, it's mother's day! and i cant celeb with mum next yr liao!! so....dun mind spending dat $$... we initially wanted to order the 'floral surprise' cake.. which is much prettier... but they say dat the chef might not be able to make it on time.. cos it's the peak season of mother's day... argh!! i shud have ask them if they can do it for me cos it's act my mother's day cake.. not like cake for party or sth... arr!! aiya... nevermind la.. leave the nicer cake for my dearest papa looo.. cos u noe... he might 'makan cuka' (be jealous) cos we gave mum such a nice gift..

oh well, since we r in west mall, we ate in west mall lorrr... burger king for dinner ler... cos no money!! and then i even ate ice cream... haha.. too hungry.. cos use too much energy today... for today, just for today, dun care if i gain a lil' fat la.. ahha.. .just wanna make myself happy.. haha... but the ice-cream, the macha ice cream was seriously toooooooooo big... but thank god it's natural.. less fattening... haha....

erm.. i shudn't tok too much.. i still have exams ok!!!! chem paper 3! organic and analytical.. okok... get back to study... gambade!!!!

无限的F.I.R.

傳說，Neverland 是把愛放開的應許之地，是存有著無限愛的力量的地方。在這裡， 刺鳥願意開嗓高歌；在這裡，千年之戀找不到死心的理由。Love*3的短暫愛情，因為來到了neverland 而愈加發光發熱。如此这般的愛情盛宴，令我I can't go on 的絕望感，頓時化為neverland 之上的雲彩。。。

oh well.. haven't update this for a week already...

last friday, i celeb my bday with family... belated celebration... it's cool...haha... cos.. ok.. at 1st, we r suppose to go to a 70th floor restaurant, Jaan.. but then it requires a dress code.. and my dad's toes was injured.. so he couldn't wear proper shoes.. and he wasn't allowed in! my dad was pissed... he is claiming dat.. y can't i go in? does it mean dat there are no exceptions at all? wat abt the disabled ppl? so there are not allowed? and then after several minutes of argument... we decided to leave the place.. and went to Raffles Hotel instead.. haihz.. no nice view, though food stil good... my parents were still discuss abt the matter.. haha.. they even say its racism... cos sum caucasian guy is able to wear sports attire to the bar.. i mean sports shoes. but dat is the bar rite? aiya.. wateva la... i stil like the dinner~ got a surprise cake and also a prezzie for papa -- watch... and mum already gave me my prezzie on thurs.. mp3 player.. yeah... so happy... i feel so 幸福。。

today... went with 89s to the travel agency.. maybe wasted sum time.. but we finished arranging stuff already~ the dates and destinations... yeah~~~ so looking fwd to this trip...

my god.. my mum watching terminator 2.. so noisy..

bcos my dad is here.. din do much in the weekends... my plans are seriously not working...

i guess i am seriously a very very last minute person.. ok.. i dun really wann work last minute.. but duno y.. i have lost my motivation... i mean.. i am not as motivated and eager as i was during my mocks preparation... and i am really those kind dat require sum time pressure to push me to work faster than my usual 'lento' speed...

okie.. today i oni prepared for eng presentation.. and uploaded songs to mp3 and checked on trasportation on taiwan.. nv did any prep. for tmr's paper 2 math p.p. yet... hmmm.....will wake up tmr to do it.. and hope i do wake up... though chances r....

ok.. i need to be more positive... i shall sleep now and wake up early... real early... goodnite~ jia you! one week of school left, then one study leave week, then exam.. so basically two weeks left... am i ready.. nope.. er.. aiya... negative thinking again... okok... i will try my best to improve! yes.. improve in two weeks.. in fact, two weeks is not going to be a matter of long term memory anymore.. short term memory! and practise and practise and practise...

too talkative... and toking nonsense... betta go... cure my headache and panda eyes and heaty liver... havent let it rest properly since dunno when... 真对不起我的肝脏... not funny.. 睡啦，长气婆！！！

nites~

OMG~!!! 我实在太放肆、太任性、太坏了！！！ 都是妹妹惹的祸~! hahaa... 还怪罪于别人，真是的。但是，今天是我的生日嘛，正确一些，应该说是，昨天是我的生日，所以适当的放纵是可以被原谅的。无论如何，十八岁喔，18!!! haha...

我生日前夕，89 为我庆祝了一番~真是好开心啊！没想到，她们还请我吃“聚聚”呢~好好吃！生日蛋糕是粉红色的~好可爱！892的礼物也是粉红色的~好精致！还有891 的项链和戒指，别致极了~！

生日当天，好些好朋友都sms来祝贺我~好感动！妹妹也寄了张e-card给我，然后过后陪我一同放纵~ 吃了晚餐，在鼓起勇气之下，决定闯荡kbox! 哇！！ 唱得尽兴，也唱哑了嗓子，却换来了无穷的狂欢与美好的记忆！两名原本“乖巧”的女生（*cough*)，竟然在母亲去了上海之际，偷偷去唱K, 而且是去到半夜！ 好夸张！可想而知，现在我除了开心，内心深处依旧带有愧疚。惭愧自己并没有好好用这个美好的星期日，将书读好，反倒玩得流连忘返。纵使是读了Biology, 可是，并还没有读完~ 唉。。

没关系啦！18岁的生日，一生一次，父母不在，只好与妹狂欢。从此刻起，我答应我自己，一定要积极的求上进，为5月的考试奋斗~努力~ 接下来的日子，就是最后的冲刺了！ 希望自己能够照着计划行事，那么，36分的目标应该不难达到~! 时间真的剩下不多了，要考到优异的成绩，就要靠接下来的数星期的最后努力。

今天，4月11日，将是全新的开始。我要以更成熟的自己，面临5月的最后的战役，面临未来更多的挑战，迎接更多姿多彩的人生。今天，离5月3日还有整整22天的时间。这22天的时间里，我要杜绝所有诱惑，我要加油，我要百尺竿头，更进一步。我要力争上游，我要后来居上。

希望，我不要再辜负自己，也同时不要再鼓父母的期望。短短22天的牺牲，影响着3~4年的大学生活。短短的22天的牺牲，何足挂齿呢？

每一天，我要勇敢的、坚定地提醒和自己。这是你人生重要的关头，是决定你未来的方向，是决定你日后的成就的关卡。因此，容不得一刻的放松。持续的耐力，不间断的自我勉励，不断的self-motivate，是成功的要素，是胜利的帮手!

好了，废话不多说，记住，不要因一时的贪玩，让所有努力，前功尽弃。就像减肥，要持之以恒，才会可观的效果~就当作，接下来的22天，是一种闭关式的修行。FIR再流行，Penny再动听，也请你不要急着学唱。要学会appreciate耳根清静的自然，要学会专心的意义。

就此搁笔，再次祝自己生日快乐，纵使父母还会为我庆祝多一次。

我真的应该要惜福，因为我真的比太多人来的幸运了。感谢菩萨的保佑，感谢上天的厚爱。感谢所有祝福我的人，喜欢我的人，讨厌我的人。感谢一切众生。

waaa.. today ate so much.... at tea i ate loads.. egg tart, char shie pau, drank 红豆水，ate sis's cookies and pastry... aaaaa.... so full now.. and dinner is like 45 mins aways.... haihzz... tmr better go gym.. haha..

just now i watch a movie.. *ops* i am not suppose to watch movies~~ but the movie is quite unique... quite special... i started half way.. but the story line is dat one lady has a family with husband and 2 kids.. but they din seem very happy together... quarrel a lot... and then, this lady has this sensation of looking out to the window to her neighbour... she peeps into ppl's life... the other side of the building lived a man...

then there's this old man dat just came by out of nowhere.. his memory is lost... so he cant remember where he lives and stuff... but he remembered his name is XXX ( i 4got his name) haha...

下删一千字。。。。 *太懒惰写了*。。。

ok.. my point is ... 如果我们真的是要为自己而活，让自己活得快乐，是否就应该丢下因为曾经错误的决定所需要负责任的事，而去追求自己理想的生活呢？还是，我们应该为我们一切的错误选择而负责任，即使这样会使我们与理想中的幸福渐行渐远。。。若是我们的决定是前者，我们有是否做错了呢？

ok... philosophy is not part of my IB exam.. shud have joined UWC one yr later.... then i would have taken both psychology and philosophy..

anyways... concentrate!!! time to get back to my work... ohno... 6.30 pm?! time to bath and dinner.. and then do math and chem~~ din study bio as i have planned.. nvm... free 1,2 tmr~ gambade~~ oni one month left!! and u r free~~~~

~~get motivated, be motivated!~~

清明时节雨纷纷，
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有，
牧童遥指杏花村。

爸爸如果现在在新加坡的话，一定会随口念起这首诗的。

近几天，每天都在下雨。前些日子，天天阳光普照，真是热得要命。而且，不知是马来西亚飘来的烟雾，还是印尼飘来的，弄得数日来的空气，笼罩着浓郁的烟味儿。但是，这几天下来的细雨，应该都将烟味消除得不着痕迹了吧。

真是很奇怪，几乎每一年，靠近清明节的时候，一定会突然下起雨来。对，是突然，不是渐渐的。通常的现象呢，就是老天先来一个天天大太阳，热到无法挡，然后接下来就上演一出“扭转乾坤”，来个连续几天的连绵细雨。

突然想到，明年的我，可能没法历经这样的画面了，因为，我将会对着朦胧的英国天气呐喊，“请给我阳光！”

好了，还是收拾心情，回到书本上去吧。

ah well.. i did biz for the whole day...means dat i am too slack again!

woke up at 10.30am... then sleep again.. then again at 11am.. and suddenly sth pop into my mind.. 大首播of F.I.R. 千年之恋！ so.. i quickly got up and on tv~ yeah...so nice~! recorded it already~ sis is getting the cd for her bday gift + penny's cd~ arrrr!! nvm.. i can listen also wat! haha..

ok.. then eat brunch, read papers etc... then start on biz stuff，act.. i oni did glossary.. hahaa...
then.. sis told me to upload dreamweaver.. it took > 7 hrs! and it din work... great! shud have log off~ and concentrate.. wateva..

actually.. i tot i did a lot~ but then i realise i oni did the glossary which is really really bad.. though i printed the possible exam questions and stuff.. but still... haihz..

tmr.. going to steph's hse to discuss the case study..
then.. 4 more days left till mei and mummy is coming back~ ok.. not much time to study.. good ar! and i havent started math! very good tan tze shean~! argh..
ok.. better dun get piss...

haihz... on9 so long and kept chatting with mei made me feel home-sick~ everyone is at home now... chatting and laughing.. and i am alone here... dat sucks..

anyways.. gambade..add oil! no time to lose... 4 days left shud concentrate on organic chem and options, math revision, chem n math past papers.. no time for other subjects!

ya..ok.. better sleep now.. tmr i am not gonna wake up early... suan le baa~ 顺其自然好了！明天会更好，请相信这是真的~

fine.. a week of hols.. i mean.. REVISION hols has gone.. and one week left.. argh!! i am sick already... though i din study much.. but i am sick already!!
sick of being alone and only speak 10 sentences max perday.. or even 5..

sick of studying chem and falling asleep all the time...

sick of not being able to shop cos no money and no time... and yet! the newspapers and tvs and everything just keep tempting me to buy stuff!! argh...

sick of... not being able to concentrate!!

okok.. calm down...

actually... it's nice to be alone sumtimes... dun have to endure nagging from mummy.. dun have to argue with sister though i seldom do now... dun have to be tempted to eat and drink too much as the eat-so-much-but-wont-gain-excess-fat sister and mummy is not around... and can always go out for a stroll around the condo after dinner and enjoying the breeze... aaa...enjoy dat the most..

ya.. maybe i shud feel contented... but just dun seem to be focus enuf! ok.. after this entry, i shall get back to my organic chem and then eat lunch.. then do sum past paper... then drink barley for tea time.. then continue studying.. then go to buy sum grocery stuff... then come home bath and dinner... then tv time.. watch h.k. movie awards.. haha...

ok... better get back to work... all this entries actually help to sort myself out and get me motivated to do things... haha... and entertain me too... haha...

today.. tried to study chem.. but so tired.. my god.. have to walk around and then read out loud oni can keep myself awake... argh.. i decided to sleep early! now! haha.. so can wake up early to study.. yeah~ duh~

oh...monday was fun!!! although ktv doesnt seem high enuf (cos oni 3 hrs!!!! cant we just go for 5 hrs!! i want!! maybe taiwan can try!heeh) .. but the leavers pg was fun.. though we stayed at 892's hse till like 10 sth thank god mum din call ... ops.. feel guilty... haha...ahihz... 89ss... i cant wait to go taiwan!!!!~ ok. dat will be my new motivation for IB exam.. haha...i always use rewards as my motivation.. not veli good is it... anyway.. who cares.. as long as i get wat i want from IB.. haha

after I.B., i have to watch initial D.. hopefully with 89s.. haah... then decide my uni...then... plan taiwan...!! then... after dat.. go back msia learn driving, cooking, make up.. haha.. menicure pedicure stuf.. wahaha.. .so fun!!!

ok....keep those as my motivationSSS.. and then these days really have to concentrate! haihz.. i am getting so forgetful.. hopefully i wont forget the things i learn now in the hols.. otherwise... i'll be dead...

ok... betta sleep... 10.30~~ havent slept so early since dunno when..ahah..ok... ciaoz

hahaha.. today i feel so happy + a bit more motivated + positive + bahagia... how to say 幸福 in english? haha.. ok.. anyways... 为什么呢？dunno.. just nth very bad happened and i wanna be happy..

我想学习如何不把别人的眼光当作一种压力；
我想学习让自己更坚持自己的选择；
我想学习让自己因为作了自己觉得对的决定而感到快乐。

我不想再去在意别人怎样看待我；
我不想再顾虑别人是否喜欢我；
我不想再做别人喜欢我做的事情或决定，而我自己却不欢喜的事情。

ya.. but.. maybe not everything lidat.. for e.g. frens.. 助人为快乐之本 rite? 有时候，为了朋友，委屈一点、辛苦一点，是无所谓的。因为，我这么做还是很快乐！

ok.. better get back to my english essay.. my focus of the day is english~! i am aiming for a 6!! if i get a 5 i'll cry! so.. in order to achieve my goal, i need to：
1. improve my grammar! read ur sec notes? haha...
2.vocab!! the report from mr. morley said so too! i noe i am repeating the same words over and over again.. but how le.. so diff... ok.. i'll try..
3.practise essay! thesis --> topic sentence --> link to essay!

ok.. cool.. motivated to continue with english essay! i like becoming motivated to do things.. haha...

diary

很久很久，没有写心情日记了。
今天，吃了晚饭到condo外头散散步。一阵凉风迎面吹来，那种凉意，只有下了雨后的晚上，才会让人颤了一阵。可是，我用手摸了摸胸口，均速进行的心跳频率，让我的手心顿时暖和了。用心去感觉那股热乎乎的暖意，只有处在幸福之中的人，才能真正的感受到。

还记得那首歌吗？“幸福，不是每一天都有。。”是陈晓东的歌。 其实，现在的我活着的每一天，我事实上比很多很多人幸福。今天，我能够放开胸怀体会到那种滋味，真得很高兴。当我感到迷惘、绝望的时候，回到我这小小的天地来重温旧时的幸福感，必定能够让我在一次勇敢站起来。
好开心~此时的我，真的有种无忧无虑的感觉。。

但是，那种感觉很快就消失了。我要读的书堆积如山，过了今天，我一定要开始有所行动。我清楚知道，我需要培养读书的情绪。前几天开始计划。那种motivation也开始来了。 希望明天真的能够开始认真的做功课。哈~ 可是，没想到，突然间姑姑还有爸爸来到新加坡了~糟糕。明天，肯定没有多少时间读书了。。

maybe it's bettet to start writing in english now.. haha..random..
ok,.anyways.. if dat's the case.. my aunt is here.. my dad is coming tmr... wow.. better do sum work tmr morning.. yeah..dat's it... no.. actually not.. i will sleep until really late.. i noe dat.. nvm.. just start tmr.. getting sleepy now.. just treat today as rest day... haha.. wateva.. hope tmr is not going to end up as another rest day... my god.. i prefer typing in english suddenly.. so weird.. ahah..

waa.. so much... i typed so much already.. ok... dat's all i have to say then...