jap namie~

i went to this site today... and got my jap name.. but i think it is a random one...haha..
but anyways.. my jap name is....

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 天音 Amane (sound of heaven).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

haha... not bad.. i have sound of heaven ler.. haha...

tmr going to wake up early.. so 99~

finally.. i better update soon..my sis is grumbling dat i nv update mine..

today.. was planning to go to eat dim sum then go redbox ktv at THE CURVE... but then! my dad.. for some reason, wasn't in the mood to go ktv.. so sad! so.. we went to Janda Baik in the end.. it's a place near genting highland.. so nice~ it's like my dream place to be.. as in.. it's very natural.. away from the dust of big cities.. it really reminds me of pangkor.. my hometown... or more accurately.. my parent's hometown.. i have been nagging to go there.. but nobody seems to want to go there.. haihz... i miss pangkor island~ i miss the beaches, the sea, the 'lai fan', the laksa, the air, the motorcycles.. and i miss family gathering..

by this minute.. i think my counsins r back from sg... and my cousin who is studying in UK shud be back in msia my now.. hope to meet them soon...

sis was saying dat we shud go redbox on tues~~ i agree!! i wanna go! i have been practising my cantonese songs~~

ok.. tok abt friday..

friday.. went out with yuen chee and eeling! so long din c them~ we shop for so long in 1 utama~ and we ate italiannes.. and took many photos.. so happy! and we chat a lot too!! so fun.. i like this kind of meeting... looking fwd to the next one~

saturday...eeling and yuen chee slept over at my place.. so ate brunch at my hse.. then at night, went back to 1 utama to eat! we ate at a very good italian restaurant~ so nice! i like the food!

i am lazy to type now... it's 1.20 am.. i've been sleeping really late these days.. i dun really enjoy sleeping late.. cos i am always awaken by the sunlight.. or by my dreams.. or.. by my restless mind...

i need to start my story-writing soon.. lately.. i felt restless... and i really dunno y...
i dreamt too much abt weird things.. abt memories, fiction-ish things.. abt frens.. abt.. i cant even remember clearly anymore...

going h.k. soon... and then going to u.s. for a mth.. i dun like such arrangements.. i want to spend more time at home.. and meet frens dat i had always wanted to meet.. and stare blankly for as long as i want.. i want to be touched by sentimental songs at nite.. until there's a twitchy feeling in my nose.. and until my eyes becomes watery.. i want to bake cakes and cookies.. i want to eat my favourite hawker food... i want to eat roti canai.. chicken rice.. penang prawn noodle.. 'gon lou' noodle...
i dowan to eat american fast food... or american dinner...

but.. i cant.. time does not allow me to get wat i want...

and soo.... i shall let my dreams to continue to awaken me at 7am... i shall let my tears roll down out of no reason... i shall let my restlessness to continue to burn inside me..

but..

i will not let my inspiration fade away... i shall not control my senses until i feel the numb..

and so..

and so..

let the story continue...

or..

let it begin..

89s的友谊，是最腼腆的。从来不曾述说肉麻的问候，也从不哭泣，从不拥抱。最疯狂的举动，也只不过是以傻傻的兴奋与大笑表示。高亢的情绪落幕以后，我仍旧感受到89s之间的僵持与客气。

直到台湾之旅后。

说长不长，说短不短的台湾之行，令我们之间的友谊得到了提升。我们几乎是一天24个小时都分不开的吃在一起，走在一起，笑在一起，睡在一起。同样的情绪与心情牵引着这份异国情谊，走过了11天的旅程，也同时揭开了89友情中新的一页。然而，上天总是在缔造一份可贵的友谊的同时，安排了分离的一天。于是，就在离开Changi Airport 的那一个晚上，童心为泯的我们心中都已清楚知道，下一次3个同聚一堂的难处。然而，3个人不带一丝伤感的道别了……请说我太感性，但是，友情的难得之处，我不是第一次感受到。

在台北的C.K.S.机场，我写了这段的感言：
“结束了。10~11天的旅程到了尽头，即将与89们告别。往后的日子里，也不知几时有机会见面…… 这次的旅途，学到了什么？也许，就是相处之道吧。在熟悉与陌生之间，依旧没有明确的界线。但是，在这10天里，认识了更多彼此的点滴。
2.05p.m.，坐在开普登咖啡厅，听着信乐团的歌曲，3人各忙各的，悲从中来。也许不是时候，但是迟早的事。不管曾经有多少猜忌，现在已不再重要。无形中，就这样建立起的友情，到了此刻，虽然不至于瓦解，却是即将面临分离。。。

回到新加坡，没了感觉。看了892 感人肺腑的留言，我的心多了酸酸的滋味。人生的路，也许就是这样的吧。有舍才有得，最重要的是，共同历经的青春回忆，将永远烙印心中。纵使这样的旅行，可能是空前绝后的，是仅有的一次，我们也都已经准备了面对的勇气。快乐的回忆，终究是比伤感的离情别绪来得重要。选择保留着愉悦的心情分道扬镳，也许就是我们之间共同建立起的无言的默契。

不去后悔不曾珍惜过什么，却一定要庆幸，自己曾经珍惜了什么。愿与89s共勉之。

看了《猫空爱情故事》后。。

看了《猫空爱情故事》以后，我的灵感与触觉，归还到来了。
我就是这样，需要一些不经意的激荡，才能再一次引领我，回到我迷糊的诗境里。
这样是好，还是不好，没有人能说准，我也不想加以分析。

***

离台湾之行还剩下4 天的时间。我是该开始收拾了；收拾衣服，也收拾心情。
衣服，樱怡刚刚还问我，要带些什么衣服。不然咧？若你想带冬衣，我可是准备好相机，随时拍下6月天穿上冬衣的你的。哈哈。开个玩笑。
说到衣服，除了拥有住惯了全年365天都是大热天的优势，既是说衣服不必特别准备，其实，还有许多用品是需要买的。
好比说，遮阳用的太阳帽，太阳眼镜有了一副，还有最重要不过的太阳油。没有了它，谁能保证我凯旋回来的时候，还会不会是大家认识的陈芝璇。还有，为了避免老了的时候，少出没一些可恶的斑，我还是小心使得万年船。
至于后续的必备品，大可下删一百字，反正也许也没有人愿意听我在这里自言自语。
心情嘛，应该开始收集旅行前的期待与向往，还有一定得添加“在没有大人的陪同下，与好朋友结伴同游”的快感才行。
嗯，那又要如何建立这样的感觉呢？
这，简单得比吃饭还容易。
明天开始收拾不就是了嘛。
啰嗦。

很期待去台湾。尤其是最后几天的台北之行！自己寻找可口的道地美食，再到钱柜或好乐迪唱歌，逛夜市，血拼，到周董的店，西门町。。。哇！太爽了！ 不，爽还是不足以形容那一种还未成形的情绪。那，要用什么来形容呢？屌！对了！

过了几秒钟。。

脑袋一片空白。

待台湾之行回来之后，璇风要开始写作了。这一次，不再写爱情诗。这一次，想写小说。只是在想，写了，也只有自己看，没意思。算了吧。不然这么样呢？

若任何人，如果有人的话，对璇风即将写作的小说感兴趣，请在六月中到六月尾开始，浏览 www.tzeshean.blogspot.com 。现在去也行，但你只会看到一些，我重看以后想呕吐的作品。所以，也许接下来的小说，就不要抱太大的希望了。那也只会是，璇风纯粹的构画，自然流露的血淋淋之作。

看来，我还需要一些文学营养来激荡我。外加一些旅游心得，也许这样，各位的眼睛在看完那未成形的小说，会比较值回电话费，外加买时间的臭钱。

stupid 金曲奖，wat result was that? the oni results dat i am happy with are FIR winning the new artist award and 动力火车 winning 重唱组合。 haihz... and the 女演唱人！stefanie win liao... act is ok... she is good.. but i wan Fish to win... haihz.. 算了吧。明年再接再厉。

***

so sien....这几天也不知道自己再干嘛，因为真的没有再干嘛。不能这样下去了。明天开始，应该要做点什么才行。

明天，照样睡到自然醒。*爽* 然后，吃早餐看报纸。然后呢，看书，看电视。哎呀！这么还是这样无聊呢？无聊到我现在都不想再blog下去了。又没钱出街。 算了，我现在无聊透顶。就此搁笔。

tired~

现在的我，只能用一个字形容，累。

连续血拼了两天，本来脚不是很累，但是，重重的包包，压在大腿上近两小时，大腿现在隐隐作痛。都怪我看电影时，不会把包包放在旁边。

刚从West Mall回来，吃了Balithai后，去看了Star Wars:Return of the Sith。

***

YeAh~~!! i bought my prom dress already~ i bought it yesterday actually... it's black... but the design is nice.. it's quite high cut on one leg... then diagonally down the other side...
and today.. bought a shoe to match... my mum said it would match perfectly.. but i dunno la~ haha... hope she is rite.. since she is kinda experienced..
hopefully tmr can buy accessories and stuff... but too bad my mum say no ear-piercing 1st.. she say it will be infected? argh~~ i bet this excuse will continue until dunno when... hope not!

anyways, of course we (mum and me) did not just go shopping for the prom dress.. we bought other stuff as well~~ haha.. went shopping for clothes yesterday.. and today.. OMG.. was the 'shoe-shopping' day... we bought so many shoes~ for 3 of us~~ but i am happy.. at least found shoes for my size!!

ok.. i have to go bathe~ so late already..

need to rest for tmr's shopping again..

休息，是为了走更长远的路。:P

考完試了，終于可以松一口氣了。也是時候，將自己久經放一旁的靈感泉源，重新的再找回來。

今天考完試以後，還真的很無聊呢。自己獨自走出，可能從此以後都不會再走的路 —— 學校到路口的那一段路，去搭很久未到過了的巴士。以前，總是以“累”以及“浪費時間”為藉口，但是如今，我的時間多的是呢。搭巴士到了clementi 站，再轉搭mrt.... 本來是想說，一直搭到文萊那一帶的，結果，不小心，在裕廊西下車了。然後，只好搭巴士，前往在文萊的裕廊坊購物中心。信不信，我真地從巴士終站，一直坐車 坐到另外一個站。還好，這一路走來，有我的音樂伴侶陪伴我，否則，大概中途下站了吧。堅持坐車，到了目的地，其一原因，也是爲了省錢。

到了那裏，隨處逛逛，買了一條休閒短褲，然後就回家吃午飯去了。

無奈，本來啊，在考完試之際，我還真的真的很想沖到卡拉OK去大唱特唱，結果，竟然找不到半個人，只好取消念頭了。嗯，其實也好啦，又可以替媽媽省錢。（因爲手上的錢，不能算是我的零用錢）可是！等媽星期四回來之後，周末可是沒有藉口不去了咯~

哈哈。。可能真的沒有人會像我那樣瘋狂吧。

我會為唱歌瘋狂，會為不能去看一場舞蹈演出感到遺憾。就好比說，最近將會來到新加坡的英國芭蕾舞團啊，我買不到門票啊，現在還在傷心呢。

說到跳舞，上了大學以後，我一定要在重新踏入舞界，大展拳腳！哈哈。。 講到我好像很厲害似的。兩年了，兩年都沒正式上過舞蹈課，沒正式地在臺上表演跳舞 ，好想念那種感覺。雖然在學校曾經有表演過一兩次，但是，我所說的，是那種練了幾個月的專業舞蹈。

我很想念舞蹈室的味道，縱使可能充滿汗味，可是，我永遠吻到的，是舞者盡情灑脫的味道，是一種只有身歷其境的人，才能體會的抽象的感覺。永遠忘不了的，是芭蕾學院的每一場大型演出，後臺的緊張氣氛，充滿化妝品的空氣，以及永遠少不了的汗味 —— 一種激情揮發出來的力量。

有時候，我實在覺得自己，不是很像曾經是舞者的人。在人與人溝通之間，我總是膽怯的。無法面對人群，卻比較能夠面對觀衆。從遠處表達沉默的身體語言，還是我比較在行的吧。

好了，看來我以後應該再寫一寫有關舞蹈的事情，寫一個專題。

考完試了，感覺不到放鬆的快感，可能是早在考完試之前鬆懈了下來。其實，很多次的考試都是這樣子，從來沒有想象中的爽。

不管了，周末是我瘋狂的好時機，可以盡情唱歌，希望。

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............

楼上的小姐~ 你在干吗？好奇怪的呐喊声。。。

wat u mean? erm.. actually.. it's b'cos i havent finish exam.. yet. one more paper.. o my scream isnt dat powerful yet...

哦，原来如此。。。 那么，你好在这里干嘛呢？不去读书？

going.. after writing this....

祝你好运。。

thx... and btw... i really wanna go ktv go taiwan go shopping go exercising watch tv go to the movies........

考完试先，好吗？

okok.. fine... shall study now...

why am i here? because i dun have to look at math for at least 3 mths.... because i have finished chem paper 1 and 2... i dun care if i did badly or ok-ish.. cos i can't change wat has happened anyway... if u dun discussed the exam after dat... u won't feel emotionally involved with wat u have done wrong... dat's wat i call.. the numbness over exams... i think i start to develop such kind of numbness in secondary school.. cos u noe la.. chong hwa ( my sec. sch in msia) is such a test-exam-test-exam school...

tmr is chem paper 3 n eng paper 1... and i am oni starting my study now! i finish exam at like 6pm juz now~~ dying of neckache... seriously... i have to walk with my hidung (nose) in the air... otherwise.... nola.. just exaggerating to show how stiff my neck is now... imagine 3 full hrs of math.. then follow by chem... my god! plus, i had 2 hrs of math yesterday.. and the stiffness has developed since then....

and y am i oni studying now? cos i went to west mall with sis to buy, i mean order mother's day gift.. we ordered a coffee bean cake and a bouquet of flower.. dun get me wrong though.. it's a 3-stalk-bouquet of purple carnation... cos no money ok!? it's SGD25! and the cake! seeing dat it's coffee bean, u noe, it's sum how more 'superior' than others... price wise lar.. SGD45... gosh! half of my allowance is gone~ but well, it's mother's day! and i cant celeb with mum next yr liao!! so....dun mind spending dat $$... we initially wanted to order the 'floral surprise' cake.. which is much prettier... but they say dat the chef might not be able to make it on time.. cos it's the peak season of mother's day... argh!! i shud have ask them if they can do it for me cos it's act my mother's day cake.. not like cake for party or sth... arr!! aiya... nevermind la.. leave the nicer cake for my dearest papa looo.. cos u noe... he might 'makan cuka' (be jealous) cos we gave mum such a nice gift..

oh well, since we r in west mall, we ate in west mall lorrr... burger king for dinner ler... cos no money!! and then i even ate ice cream... haha.. too hungry.. cos use too much energy today... for today, just for today, dun care if i gain a lil' fat la.. ahha.. .just wanna make myself happy.. haha... but the ice-cream, the macha ice cream was seriously toooooooooo big... but thank god it's natural.. less fattening... haha....

erm.. i shudn't tok too much.. i still have exams ok!!!! chem paper 3! organic and analytical.. okok... get back to study... gambade!!!!

无限的F.I.R.

傳說，Neverland 是把愛放開的應許之地，是存有著無限愛的力量的地方。在這裡， 刺鳥願意開嗓高歌；在這裡，千年之戀找不到死心的理由。Love*3的短暫愛情，因為來到了neverland 而愈加發光發熱。如此这般的愛情盛宴，令我I can't go on 的絕望感，頓時化為neverland 之上的雲彩。。。

oh well.. haven't update this for a week already...

last friday, i celeb my bday with family... belated celebration... it's cool...haha... cos.. ok.. at 1st, we r suppose to go to a 70th floor restaurant, Jaan.. but then it requires a dress code.. and my dad's toes was injured.. so he couldn't wear proper shoes.. and he wasn't allowed in! my dad was pissed... he is claiming dat.. y can't i go in? does it mean dat there are no exceptions at all? wat abt the disabled ppl? so there are not allowed? and then after several minutes of argument... we decided to leave the place.. and went to Raffles Hotel instead.. haihz.. no nice view, though food stil good... my parents were still discuss abt the matter.. haha.. they even say its racism... cos sum caucasian guy is able to wear sports attire to the bar.. i mean sports shoes. but dat is the bar rite? aiya.. wateva la... i stil like the dinner~ got a surprise cake and also a prezzie for papa -- watch... and mum already gave me my prezzie on thurs.. mp3 player.. yeah... so happy... i feel so 幸福。。

today... went with 89s to the travel agency.. maybe wasted sum time.. but we finished arranging stuff already~ the dates and destinations... yeah~~~ so looking fwd to this trip...

my god.. my mum watching terminator 2.. so noisy..

bcos my dad is here.. din do much in the weekends... my plans are seriously not working...

i guess i am seriously a very very last minute person.. ok.. i dun really wann work last minute.. but duno y.. i have lost my motivation... i mean.. i am not as motivated and eager as i was during my mocks preparation... and i am really those kind dat require sum time pressure to push me to work faster than my usual 'lento' speed...

okie.. today i oni prepared for eng presentation.. and uploaded songs to mp3 and checked on trasportation on taiwan.. nv did any prep. for tmr's paper 2 math p.p. yet... hmmm.....will wake up tmr to do it.. and hope i do wake up... though chances r....

ok.. i need to be more positive... i shall sleep now and wake up early... real early... goodnite~ jia you! one week of school left, then one study leave week, then exam.. so basically two weeks left... am i ready.. nope.. er.. aiya... negative thinking again... okok... i will try my best to improve! yes.. improve in two weeks.. in fact, two weeks is not going to be a matter of long term memory anymore.. short term memory! and practise and practise and practise...

too talkative... and toking nonsense... betta go... cure my headache and panda eyes and heaty liver... havent let it rest properly since dunno when... 真对不起我的肝脏... not funny.. 睡啦，长气婆！！！

nites~

OMG~!!! 我实在太放肆、太任性、太坏了！！！ 都是妹妹惹的祸~! hahaa... 还怪罪于别人，真是的。但是，今天是我的生日嘛，正确一些，应该说是，昨天是我的生日，所以适当的放纵是可以被原谅的。无论如何，十八岁喔，18!!! haha...

我生日前夕，89 为我庆祝了一番~真是好开心啊！没想到，她们还请我吃“聚聚”呢~好好吃！生日蛋糕是粉红色的~好可爱！892的礼物也是粉红色的~好精致！还有891 的项链和戒指，别致极了~！

生日当天，好些好朋友都sms来祝贺我~好感动！妹妹也寄了张e-card给我，然后过后陪我一同放纵~ 吃了晚餐，在鼓起勇气之下，决定闯荡kbox! 哇！！ 唱得尽兴，也唱哑了嗓子，却换来了无穷的狂欢与美好的记忆！两名原本“乖巧”的女生（*cough*)，竟然在母亲去了上海之际，偷偷去唱K, 而且是去到半夜！ 好夸张！可想而知，现在我除了开心，内心深处依旧带有愧疚。惭愧自己并没有好好用这个美好的星期日，将书读好，反倒玩得流连忘返。纵使是读了Biology, 可是，并还没有读完~ 唉。。

没关系啦！18岁的生日，一生一次，父母不在，只好与妹狂欢。从此刻起，我答应我自己，一定要积极的求上进，为5月的考试奋斗~努力~ 接下来的日子，就是最后的冲刺了！ 希望自己能够照着计划行事，那么，36分的目标应该不难达到~! 时间真的剩下不多了，要考到优异的成绩，就要靠接下来的数星期的最后努力。

今天，4月11日，将是全新的开始。我要以更成熟的自己，面临5月的最后的战役，面临未来更多的挑战，迎接更多姿多彩的人生。今天，离5月3日还有整整22天的时间。这22天的时间里，我要杜绝所有诱惑，我要加油，我要百尺竿头，更进一步。我要力争上游，我要后来居上。

希望，我不要再辜负自己，也同时不要再鼓父母的期望。短短22天的牺牲，影响着3~4年的大学生活。短短的22天的牺牲，何足挂齿呢？

每一天，我要勇敢的、坚定地提醒和自己。这是你人生重要的关头，是决定你未来的方向，是决定你日后的成就的关卡。因此，容不得一刻的放松。持续的耐力，不间断的自我勉励，不断的self-motivate，是成功的要素，是胜利的帮手!

好了，废话不多说，记住，不要因一时的贪玩，让所有努力，前功尽弃。就像减肥，要持之以恒，才会可观的效果~就当作，接下来的22天，是一种闭关式的修行。FIR再流行，Penny再动听，也请你不要急着学唱。要学会appreciate耳根清静的自然，要学会专心的意义。

就此搁笔，再次祝自己生日快乐，纵使父母还会为我庆祝多一次。

我真的应该要惜福，因为我真的比太多人来的幸运了。感谢菩萨的保佑，感谢上天的厚爱。感谢所有祝福我的人，喜欢我的人，讨厌我的人。感谢一切众生。

waaa.. today ate so much.... at tea i ate loads.. egg tart, char shie pau, drank 红豆水，ate sis's cookies and pastry... aaaaa.... so full now.. and dinner is like 45 mins aways.... haihzz... tmr better go gym.. haha..

just now i watch a movie.. *ops* i am not suppose to watch movies~~ but the movie is quite unique... quite special... i started half way.. but the story line is dat one lady has a family with husband and 2 kids.. but they din seem very happy together... quarrel a lot... and then, this lady has this sensation of looking out to the window to her neighbour... she peeps into ppl's life... the other side of the building lived a man...

then there's this old man dat just came by out of nowhere.. his memory is lost... so he cant remember where he lives and stuff... but he remembered his name is XXX ( i 4got his name) haha...

下删一千字。。。。 *太懒惰写了*。。。

ok.. my point is ... 如果我们真的是要为自己而活，让自己活得快乐，是否就应该丢下因为曾经错误的决定所需要负责任的事，而去追求自己理想的生活呢？还是，我们应该为我们一切的错误选择而负责任，即使这样会使我们与理想中的幸福渐行渐远。。。若是我们的决定是前者，我们有是否做错了呢？

ok... philosophy is not part of my IB exam.. shud have joined UWC one yr later.... then i would have taken both psychology and philosophy..

anyways... concentrate!!! time to get back to my work... ohno... 6.30 pm?! time to bath and dinner.. and then do math and chem~~ din study bio as i have planned.. nvm... free 1,2 tmr~ gambade~~ oni one month left!! and u r free~~~~

~~get motivated, be motivated!~~

清明时节雨纷纷，
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有，
牧童遥指杏花村。

爸爸如果现在在新加坡的话，一定会随口念起这首诗的。

近几天，每天都在下雨。前些日子，天天阳光普照，真是热得要命。而且，不知是马来西亚飘来的烟雾，还是印尼飘来的，弄得数日来的空气，笼罩着浓郁的烟味儿。但是，这几天下来的细雨，应该都将烟味消除得不着痕迹了吧。

真是很奇怪，几乎每一年，靠近清明节的时候，一定会突然下起雨来。对，是突然，不是渐渐的。通常的现象呢，就是老天先来一个天天大太阳，热到无法挡，然后接下来就上演一出“扭转乾坤”，来个连续几天的连绵细雨。

突然想到，明年的我，可能没法历经这样的画面了，因为，我将会对着朦胧的英国天气呐喊，“请给我阳光！”

好了，还是收拾心情，回到书本上去吧。

ah well.. i did biz for the whole day...means dat i am too slack again!

woke up at 10.30am... then sleep again.. then again at 11am.. and suddenly sth pop into my mind.. 大首播of F.I.R. 千年之恋！ so.. i quickly got up and on tv~ yeah...so nice~! recorded it already~ sis is getting the cd for her bday gift + penny's cd~ arrrr!! nvm.. i can listen also wat! haha..

ok.. then eat brunch, read papers etc... then start on biz stuff，act.. i oni did glossary.. hahaa...
then.. sis told me to upload dreamweaver.. it took > 7 hrs! and it din work... great! shud have log off~ and concentrate.. wateva..

actually.. i tot i did a lot~ but then i realise i oni did the glossary which is really really bad.. though i printed the possible exam questions and stuff.. but still... haihz..

tmr.. going to steph's hse to discuss the case study..
then.. 4 more days left till mei and mummy is coming back~ ok.. not much time to study.. good ar! and i havent started math! very good tan tze shean~! argh..
ok.. better dun get piss...

haihz... on9 so long and kept chatting with mei made me feel home-sick~ everyone is at home now... chatting and laughing.. and i am alone here... dat sucks..

anyways.. gambade..add oil! no time to lose... 4 days left shud concentrate on organic chem and options, math revision, chem n math past papers.. no time for other subjects!

ya..ok.. better sleep now.. tmr i am not gonna wake up early... suan le baa~ 顺其自然好了！明天会更好，请相信这是真的~

fine.. a week of hols.. i mean.. REVISION hols has gone.. and one week left.. argh!! i am sick already... though i din study much.. but i am sick already!!
sick of being alone and only speak 10 sentences max perday.. or even 5..

sick of studying chem and falling asleep all the time...

sick of not being able to shop cos no money and no time... and yet! the newspapers and tvs and everything just keep tempting me to buy stuff!! argh...

sick of... not being able to concentrate!!

okok.. calm down...

actually... it's nice to be alone sumtimes... dun have to endure nagging from mummy.. dun have to argue with sister though i seldom do now... dun have to be tempted to eat and drink too much as the eat-so-much-but-wont-gain-excess-fat sister and mummy is not around... and can always go out for a stroll around the condo after dinner and enjoying the breeze... aaa...enjoy dat the most..

ya.. maybe i shud feel contented... but just dun seem to be focus enuf! ok.. after this entry, i shall get back to my organic chem and then eat lunch.. then do sum past paper... then drink barley for tea time.. then continue studying.. then go to buy sum grocery stuff... then come home bath and dinner... then tv time.. watch h.k. movie awards.. haha...

ok... better get back to work... all this entries actually help to sort myself out and get me motivated to do things... haha... and entertain me too... haha...

today.. tried to study chem.. but so tired.. my god.. have to walk around and then read out loud oni can keep myself awake... argh.. i decided to sleep early! now! haha.. so can wake up early to study.. yeah~ duh~

oh...monday was fun!!! although ktv doesnt seem high enuf (cos oni 3 hrs!!!! cant we just go for 5 hrs!! i want!! maybe taiwan can try!heeh) .. but the leavers pg was fun.. though we stayed at 892's hse till like 10 sth thank god mum din call ... ops.. feel guilty... haha...ahihz... 89ss... i cant wait to go taiwan!!!!~ ok. dat will be my new motivation for IB exam.. haha...i always use rewards as my motivation.. not veli good is it... anyway.. who cares.. as long as i get wat i want from IB.. haha

after I.B., i have to watch initial D.. hopefully with 89s.. haah... then decide my uni...then... plan taiwan...!! then... after dat.. go back msia learn driving, cooking, make up.. haha.. menicure pedicure stuf.. wahaha.. .so fun!!!

ok....keep those as my motivationSSS.. and then these days really have to concentrate! haihz.. i am getting so forgetful.. hopefully i wont forget the things i learn now in the hols.. otherwise... i'll be dead...

ok... betta sleep... 10.30~~ havent slept so early since dunno when..ahah..ok... ciaoz

hahaha.. today i feel so happy + a bit more motivated + positive + bahagia... how to say 幸福 in english? haha.. ok.. anyways... 为什么呢？dunno.. just nth very bad happened and i wanna be happy..

我想学习如何不把别人的眼光当作一种压力；
我想学习让自己更坚持自己的选择；
我想学习让自己因为作了自己觉得对的决定而感到快乐。

我不想再去在意别人怎样看待我；
我不想再顾虑别人是否喜欢我；
我不想再做别人喜欢我做的事情或决定，而我自己却不欢喜的事情。

ya.. but.. maybe not everything lidat.. for e.g. frens.. 助人为快乐之本 rite? 有时候，为了朋友，委屈一点、辛苦一点，是无所谓的。因为，我这么做还是很快乐！

ok.. better get back to my english essay.. my focus of the day is english~! i am aiming for a 6!! if i get a 5 i'll cry! so.. in order to achieve my goal, i need to：
1. improve my grammar! read ur sec notes? haha...
2.vocab!! the report from mr. morley said so too! i noe i am repeating the same words over and over again.. but how le.. so diff... ok.. i'll try..
3.practise essay! thesis --> topic sentence --> link to essay!

ok.. cool.. motivated to continue with english essay! i like becoming motivated to do things.. haha...

diary

很久很久，没有写心情日记了。
今天，吃了晚饭到condo外头散散步。一阵凉风迎面吹来，那种凉意，只有下了雨后的晚上，才会让人颤了一阵。可是，我用手摸了摸胸口，均速进行的心跳频率，让我的手心顿时暖和了。用心去感觉那股热乎乎的暖意，只有处在幸福之中的人，才能真正的感受到。

还记得那首歌吗？“幸福，不是每一天都有。。”是陈晓东的歌。 其实，现在的我活着的每一天，我事实上比很多很多人幸福。今天，我能够放开胸怀体会到那种滋味，真得很高兴。当我感到迷惘、绝望的时候，回到我这小小的天地来重温旧时的幸福感，必定能够让我在一次勇敢站起来。
好开心~此时的我，真的有种无忧无虑的感觉。。

但是，那种感觉很快就消失了。我要读的书堆积如山，过了今天，我一定要开始有所行动。我清楚知道，我需要培养读书的情绪。前几天开始计划。那种motivation也开始来了。 希望明天真的能够开始认真的做功课。哈~ 可是，没想到，突然间姑姑还有爸爸来到新加坡了~糟糕。明天，肯定没有多少时间读书了。。

maybe it's bettet to start writing in english now.. haha..random..
ok,.anyways.. if dat's the case.. my aunt is here.. my dad is coming tmr... wow.. better do sum work tmr morning.. yeah..dat's it... no.. actually not.. i will sleep until really late.. i noe dat.. nvm.. just start tmr.. getting sleepy now.. just treat today as rest day... haha.. wateva.. hope tmr is not going to end up as another rest day... my god.. i prefer typing in english suddenly.. so weird.. ahah..

waa.. so much... i typed so much already.. ok... dat's all i have to say then...

二月二十八日...一直認為這日子, 是很神聖, 很奇妙的。不知道為身麼。過了今天以後, 我想我真的應該真正的開始努力, 開始計畫, 到底考試要如何去應對. 希望這個輕鬆的個人blog, 能夠讓我在忙裡偷閒, 換取更多讀書的毅力, 以及更加自信的面對每一天. 開始胡言亂語了. 再加上繁體很麻煩按標點符號, 因此就此擱筆. 再次勉勵自己, 要善用時間. 切記!