not in the mood to..

is it possible that two sisters get sick @ the same time but they are in different parts of the world?

***

my sister is so stucked with arts coursework.. and other things. i can't even remember being as bc during my IB days. poor her.

i dun deserve to be sick bcos i hvt been working as hard...

***

actually i m not in the mood to blog. so wtv and bye.

morning post~

一早醒来，7点整。第1堂课，10点。

早起的感觉真好，准备了简单的早餐 - 热牛奶 + 4块cream crackers with jam/peanut butter, 望着初升旭日害羞地窥探出矮矮的屋顶，感觉此刻好幸福。

一股微妙的欲望在心底燃烧着。好想，好想到海边看日出。

***

现在8点45分。真希望每一天的自己，醒来得那么容易自在开心。

生活，是否还在掌握之中？

once again. i hv been lazing ard the whole week, yet i felt i gained a lot out of other stuff in life.

after a hectic weekend of lab report, i was just not in the mood to work. Then Wednesday came by, and 祁家 was on board a journey of craziness and funness yet again...

Marie Antoinette. 绕了一大圈才到达的戏院。Dessert@Zizzi .

Lost in Translation. Music. Mmm.

Burnt Cola-Chicken. Non-working mood/mode.

2 movies, 2nights, 2 venues (1 director though.. ;p). i can't wait for the next outing，大家姐will join in too!

Friday, night already. No work done. And tmr will be another non-stop day.

***

Once again, at one point in the week, I was thinking of my possible options, my future.

I am lost, lost in the mist of blurness.

I felt childish, in the world where people has big ambitions.

I thought I have grown, but then I realised, the me deep inside, is still as dependent and naive as before.

***

Thinking back. 2 years ago. Studying for the sake of studying, for the sake of getting good grades, and getting into a good uni. And then? what is next? 2 year later. These questions remain unanswered.

There might not be another 2 years for me to think. But then until now, I am still 过一天算一天。

不到悬崖边我都不知道危险已经逼近，不知道未来的路是宽是窄是弯是直。没有目标的时候，该如何前进？就这样，麻木地前进。麻木地跟随着人群前进。

如果世界上只剩下我一个人，我会否就这样，静静地呆坐，呆坐到死去的那一天？

***

ending shud not be on a sad/pessimistic note.



所以我告诉自己，我的路，一定不凡。不凡是因为，我选择慢慢地走到终点，以免错失了沿途可贵的风景。

Addicted...

Addicted…Part 1 ~*

嗯。
今晚来一点点的
诗情画意… :)

告诉自己，单身潜逃吧

淡水河边的约定 似梦境
反正我们的故事已经
蜕变成挂在半梦半醒之间的回忆
留下仿如未知数的无意义

忍不住窥探窗外的你
是否 只是幻影

提着一个人的行李
开始无目的地逛街旅行

那间咖啡厅
依然是那间小小的咖啡厅

没有了两个人一起的身影
地球的转动还是如此轻易

追赶着不停下来的时间
想想下一次的择偶条件



懂的人就懂，不懂的人就不懂




Addicted… Part 2~*

炒米饼！！！
M’sia 好像没吃过？这是属于香港的特产吗？真是好好味啊！

yummy!!!

***

no Addicted part 3... yet.

and back to lab. or go to sleep. yeap, i m a bad gal i am.

not_Eliza, signing off...

tuesday's high

饶恕我的任性吧，自己。forgive me, myself.

for once, tuesday nite is so out of control. halloween is nth but it seems to hv become a 间接性excuse to slack, play ard, hang ard, n be high.

***

who cares abt lab report, who cares abt endless readings. life can never revolve ard academic achievement all the time despite it's importance in the world of reality. but at dis moment i dun care wat i did just now. i feel regret now, not cos i slack too much, cos i ate too much biscuits. ;p

so fun to hang ard with 祁家。

i will miss all these craziness and madness during my xmas hols............................

***

蛋蛋很累了, 要睡了，拜拜了 。

yaam kopi, seik roti!

yaam kopi, seik roti!!! 饮 kopi, 吃 roti!!!

aaa.. guess wat! i did dis in Junipers! in Nottingham!! in freakin' UK!!!

hmm.. oookk. i m more like freakin' out than being happy.. hahaha.. but i m happy! i m HYPER!

caption: ipoh white coffee, one steamed n one toasted wholemeal bread with oliveoil spread n kaya, half-boiled egg but not too successful due to egg taken directly from fridge.

How to prepare traditional M'sian/Sg'porean breakfast:
1) Boil some water. Put room temperature egg(s) into the hot water. Put it on low fire/just off
the stove.
2) Steam/Toast your choice of bread.
(i) for steamed bread: apply butter/marjarine and kaya on your bread before steaming.
(ii) for toasted bread: apply afterwards.
2) Make yourself a cup of Milo/local black coffee/Ipoh white coffee/teh ( milk tea).

How to eat:
1) Serve half boiled egg in small bowl. Add soya sauce and pepper powder.
2) Dip bread into egg mixture/coffee.
3) Feel the goodness of scrumptuous breakfast.



p/s: the kaya could be smoother by using coconut milk instead of creamed coconut + AIR. could add more GULA to make it more MANIS.

p/s (ii): AIR = water; GULA = sugar; MANIS = sweet.

MUAHAHA. today is such a nice day, n it is just the beginning of it. :) no more daylight saving time, but an xtra hr wont make the winter longer if everyday is going to be this good!

randomising life

i m beginning to accept the fact that i m not a professionalist.

being a generalist means, u r interested in many things, but might not become an expert in it. hmm. dat's really true of me. but i use to hate it, hence not accepting it.

i like almost every lecture now. i like walking on the street, alone or with a fren or with a bunch of frens. i like cooking 2gether with flatmates. i enjoy beeston shopping days. i dun hate cleaning my room/bathroom. i dun hate washing up. i like my room though still hs room for improvement.

hmm. maybe it's just cos i m not really really doing much work yet. when pressure piles up on me, i m surely going to hate the whole world again. it's just a matter of emotions n perceptions. everything in the world is just so.. psychologically related. :)

though haven't been sitting down and thinking of 'what should i be when i grow up' kinda question, but sometimes in the middle of resting, walking, dreaming or wtv, it just crosses my mind dat, if i do this do dat, my life will be so fun. but in reality, there is still many things to learn to cope with to think of to consider... i m still acting like a child idealising my future. but in the same time, i feel i m growing up, mentally as well.

life is just so.. ironic; so unexpected yet so predictable, so beautiful yet so ugly, so intriguing yet so dull, so fast yet so slow, so simple yet so complicated...

***

i dunno wat am i drawing on to.. but for now, i m content, with wat i hv and wat i hd. to think abt the past n to regret it is the stupidest thing to do but we never will be able to resolve this mindset of ours. learning from mistake is so simple a theory yet so hard to practicalise it.

y m i so philosphical all of a sudden.

i think i need some yoga.

signing off in 5 seconds, 4, 3, 2, 1.












inspired by: a random self.

confession

time to confess...

i) i am hooked to biscuits again! digestives is currently my favourite. there r many ways to eat it. here are some of my suggestion:

a) eat it on its own
b) dip it into a cup of milk

ii) i do not want to read!!!!!! reading is dead boring!!! i can't be bored out before exams arrive!!

iii) i should not crave for starbucks hot chocolate or caffe nero's caramel latte. but i am.







oohhhmyygoddd. can we hv the ktv session...now?!?!

@ notts...

i m mentally n physically tired now actually.. but not in the mood to sleep? so i decided to visit an old fren tonite, and continue my journey with my inner soul - travelling with my heart.

i can't remember how i came up with this name actually.. it was so long time ago. it was when i was still in singapore, feeling so lost and sad and lonely. i had to blog so much during those days.. no actually. those days i wrote diaries.. not anymore now. bcos i blog. but blogging seems so.. so not personal. maybe dat's y i hv 2 blogs. those random poem-like stuff just keep from revealing too much, yet saying out wat i wanted to say. ha.

speaking of poems, i came across this competition thingie in SinChew just rite b4 i arrived in UK. should i say it's such a coincidence dat i saw it? yea.. cos i never read SinChew, as at home we always order for NanYang. oh, for those who r lost, these two seemingly alien names are names of newspaper in M'sia.

and so..

i really wanted to join this competition. i want to send it my poem-like stuff. too bad i can't just pick up one from my blog. bcos they cant be published anywhere (yes, including websites) before. n this totally suck. cos, i can't seem to produce better 'production' nowadays. cos the sensitve-self inside me hasn't been showing up lately, which is actually quite good.

oh well, just c how it goes. it's due 31st dec 2006 anyway.

n now, still collecting.. info, feelings, inspiration, or wtv u call dat stuff.

***

oh yes. i hvt been toking much abt my life lately. the story is just gonna keep going, but wat is most important is, i m enjoying it a lot.

ok. here's goes. just a sip of it.

jordan's cereal; mooncakesss; steamed egg; key lime pie; kitchen cum study area; ABC soup; laundry lines; beeston visits; ktv-discussion; digestives; friday-off; ipenny; qinqin; walking; frozen banana; squashed apple + juice; shoe rack to buy or not to buy..........

ok. this is one big sip. n now, time for beddy.

我要加油！

心口仿佛被什么压住了
吐气的次数比吸气还要多
可除了这样做
世界上好像没有其他的办法了
除非
自己先决定放弃自己

可能
这就是压力吧
我内心所期盼的自己
往往比真正的自己还要差很多
就因为这样
觉得自己永远比不上优越人士
我活在自己的高山上
可是却害自己缺氧
别人往高处爬的时候
我也想
可是别人的氧气存量好像多到
一个无穷大的喜马拉雅山都装不完
而自己
依靠这仅存的少许不纯净的氧气
默默生活在甚少有人路过的山崖边
冷嗖的风 没有人气为我加温
暴风雪之际 危机频临却缺乏扭转乾坤的力量
时机来不及成熟 就已经化为乌有

眼高手低
别人眼中的我 也许不及自己想象中的十分之一
为何如此在意
逻辑学上确实无意义
社会学上却是充满无限动力与魔力

那么 自己眼中的自己呢？

10匹阿姆
我的房间就像第一天搬进来时一样乱
就连这种小事都做不好的自己
就甭想读好书找一份工作升职加薪…

2 more days

21/9/06. 8.55p.m.

2 more days b4 i leave for UK, 2 more days before i leave the ever so warm n humid KL behind.

met jing, suzanne, liyen, rachel, mary n ah-bin today. glad to hear old jokes old gossips n old laughters. will miss ya all in UK. no more gathering in small rooms that could not really fit all of us. no more heart-warming soup on a cold night. no more cooking instant noodle in small rice cooker. no more hair-curling for miss liyen.

sometimes it's better to just keep all these in the back of ur brain. :)

thanks for the gathering today guys! nice thai food! love the tom yam soup n mango sticky rice! eii.. how come we didnt took pic? ggeeez..

***

can't wait to meet up CH-buddies for ktv n long chats on sat. can't wait to c them yet not really wanting dat day to come.

till then, i just wanna take my time n breathe more of the msian air.

白白的

回到吉隆坡，鼻子敏感突然好了。那个房间果然有问题。

沉溺了24小时，现在还活在余温当中。真够力。大马人唱歌，果然还是行的。

一个星期！！ 不，5天。 2，3，4，5，6~~~ 星期六就要飞了..

好像，白白地过了一个白白的假期。感觉怎样？嗯... 就.. 白白的咯。

歌唱了。好东西吃了很多。觉睡了很多。呆发了很多。电视盯了很多。资讯接受了很多。

就这样。接下来的，就是把白白的假期，分散开来，变成七彩。

沉淀

一年了。来了新加岛那么久，都还没有重新建立起饭后散步的习惯。今天却突然走出屋子，步行在夜间的小路上。就不知道是什么样的无形的力量，总是在这个时候，我不由自主地让我沉淀自己，而心中大部分的时候，是愉快的。我以大环境为友，一切来得那么地自然。套一句妈常用的字句，也许是因为“磁场”好的关系吧。

前些时候，我说到自己一直盯着电视看，对吧？今天，我终于开始拿起《那些年我们一起追的女孩》，从书签停留在的那一页开始，展开与现实生活杜绝的赛跑，而这一场赛跑，时间不是评判，或则说，时间根本不是赛跑的原动力。

不想看连续剧，也不想看综艺节目，却开始想看电影。很多很多很多的电影。还好，有天映频道。

这几天看了好几部不错的电影，也许不是耗资千万的巨大制作，令人捧腹的戏剧影片，可是，当中的感动，以及围绕在几个人物之间的友情、爱情、亲情，以及牵涉到各阶层社会人士的观念等等等，却可以感动小小的我的心。

《电车男》，《海南鸡饭》，《NANA》等等，2小时的紧凑，总好过20/40个小时的拖泥带水。2小时候的余波，远远超过那一滴激发第一圈涟漪的露水。怎么连我自己也不知道自己在说什么啊???

说会来，刚才，走着走着，突然回想起，2年前的自己，走在没有变化的HG，好像也如此，如此地幸福。被几栋黄色的10楼高的长柱体拥抱着的小小世外桃源，依然是那么地安详。然而，想一想，2年前的我，2年前的一切，已经离我那么地遥远了。昨天永远不会回头，仿佛和19年前，开始学会独立呼吸的那一天的距离是一样的，一样的遥远，一样的永远消失不见。虽然回忆永远烙印在脑纹的某处，可是丧失了的时间，怎么讲，还是丧失了。

好了，我是怎么又变悲观起来了...

还是继续回到可以让时间暂时停滞的小说迷宫中吧...

无聊人请进

过了好一阵子的无聊生活，也觉得自己越来越无聊了。没事做就看电视，藏在那一层玻璃后面的世界每一天千变万化，然后我就像个虔诚的信徒一般，每一天准时扭开电视。默默沉溺在没有营养的八卦话题，看看在娱乐圈里工作的人今天又干了什么事，仿佛他们的一举一动，都会影响我每日的健康平安快乐一样。不知哪一天，若没有了他们，我的生活还是否多姿多彩呢？

再来，会定时观察其他人的生活方式，看着他们的生活有多精彩刺激感人可怜辛苦幸福，然后进而感叹自己为什么生活如此地无聊乏味，或者庆幸自己有多幸福快乐。有时候，会怨恨那个男人为什么那么贱，竟然对不起女人。有时候，却为了别人楚楚可怜的遭遇而眼泪盈眶。就这样反反复复看着别人过活，到了夜深人静顿然发觉自己的生活却是百般无趣，只有看着别人开心伤心的份。讽刺的是，那一些让我目不转睛、聚精会神于荧光幕前的，却有多少是值得我为之耗费岁月的呢？歪歪脑袋想一想，抓抓头皮算一算，我花费在荧光幕前的分分秒秒，可以让我把所有我还没看完的书看完，甚至把所有碰到的陌生词汇查出来，还有记起来。很可能还有多余的时间慢慢消化每天只有被我眼尾扫过的份的头版，经济版等。

哪一朝当我日上三竿才甘愿爬出温暖的被窝时，发现报纸不再有娱乐版，电视不再播放干我屁事的八卦消息，媒体不再歌颂片面性的审美观，也许我已经成为下一位方文山/藤井树了。

赫然发觉到，我所有最大的业余兴趣，全部都为了躲避称霸“休闲时间最常做的事之排行榜”多年的恶势力、兴趣族群之中的黑社会老大而纷纷任由我将它们抛在脑后。它们到底是在等待我有朝一日会觉悟的可能性，抑或是害怕被具有勾引能力的新世纪恶势力砍杀，决定自动弃权而后退三分？不晓得。可是，有一点本人是非常清楚。就是狡猾的良知最喜欢掩饰自己，而远见的理性也同样不喜欢抛头露面。它们俩最爱耍弄愧疚这个在人性存在的第一天就存在了的游戏，好让愧疚将它们俩的面纱狠狠地撕开来，表露出它们会发放白色光线的、赤裸裸的真面目。白色光线把一切的糊涂迷惘逃避害怕不安等等完完全全照亮，不让一丝的侥幸伴随着那些愧疚未能够顺利逮捕的漏网之通缉犯，利用自以为光芒无限的自己，笼罩所有人性的丑恶。而事实上，良知和理性，确实具有这样的力量。可笑的是，良知和理性，何尝不是人性的一部分呢？万物皆如此，正负相遇相克，最终就是为了达到中庸之道的境界。


最后，衷心感谢阅读了每一个无聊字句的你。如果没有无聊的你们，还是会有这个无聊的我继续写一些作文考试写出来肯定以零分计算、离题到离谱的文字集合。

happy~~~~

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

i lied. but pls tell me it was ok.

PSR MLM .. i love it!

it's such a stupid thing. sometimes i feel i dun live a normal life, bcos i dont. i miss those good old days.. psr mlm! i hvt been there for soo long!

it's raining. thank god it didnt rained, just now. god blessed, truly.

***

last week b4 going to sg.

so 矛盾。

不想去，有很想去。u gain things n lose things. it's just the way of life i guess.

***

i enjoy doing things for myself, at least for now. i meet frens bcos i want to meet them. i read when i feel like reading, sleep when i feel like sleeping, n sing when i feel like singing. n write wtv dat comes into my mind, no matter if it make sense to anyone or not. at least, it make sense to me. at least, at dis moment.

raining. still.

it's 2.30am, otherwise, dis entry might hv been longer.

***

happy to regain, the need to express feelings n emotions, thru words that can but perhaps may not fully illustrate things, but nth is more important now, than re-entering the world of, ME.

无奈

我曾经是那么地热爱，这片国土...

***

小时候，以为这里充满了所有的幸福人，因为大家都同样拥抱着，一片没有天灾的国土，邻国是火山、地震活跃地带，我们最多遭遇一些余震 + 水灾之类的。

以前道德课本、历史课本，都在告诉我们大马是个多元化种族的国家，有华，巫，印3大民族，然后大家相处融洽，就像梦想中的某个理想童话乐园。

哼！谁还会沉溺在童话世界的迷幻之中？

渐渐长大以后，我们都发现，我们被老师骗了，被校长骗了，被学校骗了，被社会骗了，被全世界骗了。

***

今天，当我身在车厢里，望着有点陌生的风景掠过眼前时，我豁然发觉，我已经开始越来越不属于这里了。

我是要开心，还是伤心，呢？

***

现在的我，最喜欢的是这里的音乐人，因为只有他们，我才有理由继续以大马公民身份为荣。

在一次随笔...

终于去了redbox!!!

一个字：爽!

***

藤井树不够了，也许该开始看另外的书。

等着我看的书: 《在世界的中心呼唤爱情》，Memoirs of a Geisha, Pride and Prejudice etc... 还有一本刚买的，什么方文山等人推荐网络作家。

与其等待灵感找上门，不如自己主动去找寻。

***

还没学习妈妈的看家本领，明日复明日啊真是。

***

滴答滴答，分分秒秒。休假的美好光阴，慢慢溜走。

流行乐，连戏剧，电影，娱乐新闻，治安问题，政治问题，道地美食； 流行乐，连戏剧....

无常循环，循环无常。

***

也许随笔写写，随意地玩弄着文字，可以激发正玩着躲猫猫的灵感泉源...

holi.

i hv lost the touch of writing...

cant be bothered to post pictures or tell tales dat happened in scandinavia... anyway, most part of the trip is plain n monotonous... all the spectacular fjords, breathtaking ranges, n numerous reflective waters hs numbed my senses to the extreme beauty of nature... at 1st glance, well, the 1st week was really trilling.. there's no other places like dis where u can see so much of wat nature is truly made out of. norway, the paridise of fjords n of world heritage, stockholm n copenhagen, the land of dangerous bikers n also home to tranquility. wish i could just wander ard the never-ending streets in such breezy n cooling weather.

2 weeks after back-aching, buttock-numbing coach rides up n down hills n windy paths, i now arrived at Chester, New Jersey, US, for the second time. the same day n month, last yr, i was here as well, getting use to a new environment, a small lil' town, with cosy coffee shops, tiny shops dat sells vintage stuff, or very country-side stuff. n now, now dat i m back here once again, this small little town of Chester, reminds me of Beeston. i realised then, i m already attached to Notts, in a way.

***
live for today. so i will just tok abt my life in NJ for now.

typical day in US. wake up @ 9 ish, brush up, yoga if i wake up early. send sis to Dr. place. head for cafe for coffee + muffin/pastry/bagel. retreat to book n observation. pick up mei. lunch. could go for shopping or movie or just go home. most prolly will go bookshop, mum's fav place, in search of her astrology books. dinner. tv. sleep.

not too boring, as it wld seem. immersing in holiday mood is the best thing ever. but i long for home: food, ktv, frens n all dat. 2 weeks. it's not too long from now.

不约而同的碰面

不约而同的碰面，一切一切，冥冥之中，早有定局。

从昨天晚上开始，一切好像都变得无法捉摸，仿佛一些东西，我即将失去。

最后一次的gathering， 10.40pm，在suz的小房间。从来，都没有觉得原来一间房间可以那么大，容纳了那么多的欢笑，那么多的回忆。Jing, Mary, Hang, Zak, Freezio, Mary 还有 Suz，今天全都走了，只剩下Mary。3am, 3.30am, 2次的firealarm, 我都不想发脾气。4点半，回到小房间。5点，Suz第一个走了。我送了她走，天已经亮了。

6点，睡了。9点突然惊醒。呆滞地洗刷完毕，cleaner Sue 突然进来。送了一张 Thank You Card给她，温暖地拥抱了一下。11am, 搬东西去self access，巧遇Jing n Raymond。送别第二集。

从City回来，同Mary去Uni Park，搞定了琐琐碎碎的事情。回来时，4点，在Newark Hall前面巧遇Freezio, Hang, Zak。送别第三集。

又是同样一班人，又是同一段回忆，相互交错的，是不是就这样，写下了完美句点？

Episode 2: Birmingham

nth much to do there except revisiting the city, everyday.

1st day, window shopping most of the time, n bought one t-shirt. birm is still like how i rmbed. lunch at Cafe Soya, i miss soya bean n tau foo fa so much. was so overwhelmed by extensive walking in london dat i hd to rest at krispy kreme's n of cos ate one as well. dinner was dis pakistani restaurant, the food was awesomely authentic n original, yumm. the sheesh kebab was just mouthwatering good, din really like the lamb chop though, but the naan was superb as well. sadly, all meat. aiks. the dessert was the climax of the nite, sooo sweetttt, if u want real sweet, rmb, go to an indian/pakistani restaurant. they serve u real sweet, it's just like eating sugar on its own. one bite is enuf, the second will just make u feel like throwing up. but nevertheless, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

2nd day, i was crazy. crazy enuf to spend a freakin' 10pounds on golden music award. yes, i m crazy. spend most of the day in Starbucks, n just cos it's Starbucks i m willing to sit comfy-ly on the nice coach, n gazing at the comp screen, n sipping my java chip frappe. dinner at Wagamama's, hd jap curry rice, it was yummy n very filling indeed. n then, me n arlina tried to get into a pub for footie match, but i was wearing trainers so they din allow. how pathetic. argh.

3rd day, the usual get up at 10/11am, then brunch was yummy dim sum. n continue window shopping.. n tried Ben and Jerry's! oh my apple pie.. woooo! n yes, window shopping here we go again.. n finally, sat at dis bench at chatted for so long..while waiting mike tan to finish his work. then we went to Malaysian Delight for some Malaysian food ( aaa.. missed it soo much!) hd beef rendang, the eggplant claypot n 马来风光！ so nice! caught The Omen in cinema, n the ending was just soo disapppointing.. dat nite, chatted so long again with arlina till we can see daylight. slept for a few hrs n got up to catch the train back home.

the feeling of going back, doesnt always feel good. no wonder i like travelling. u can try to be a different person by forgetting ur past n future bcos travelling is just abt living in the present.