唉...

突然很想回祁家..

想去哪里去哪里 想做什么做什么 想几时运几时运动 想买什么买什么

在这里 会变成 一只 肥胖的囚鸟





救命啊

我要回到邦咯岛 玩banana boat玩到疯掉 实现水上环岛的计划 看日出日落 天天早上jogging吃来粉去码头和咖啡吃面包 学好脚车 玩大弟到闷死去 谈天谈到三更........

很多东西逼不得已 很多东西来不及 很多东西不如人意 很多东西出其不意







已经不是一个吉隆坡人了
以后的我 该怎么生存在这里
以后的我 会不会选择 这里
不知道不知道不知道

啊啊啊啊.. 恋恋不忘 西海岸的沙滩风情... 想 回到过去
2006 不要那么快走 好吗

spontaneous post

finally i get down to blogging again.

things r going to happen, things r happening, things happened. many. plenty. so much more.

it's time to go home.

要回家不要回家要回家不要家回要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家要回家不要回家










dis week is just random. today i learnt dat i need to assume the world is a random place. but i think it is anyway.






moulin rouge is so nice. i want to watch again someday.



in need of good music. good english songs. someone can help me by sending me some.


i wonder if i will spend most of my life sitting ard the corner n observing wat other ppl do to their lives. as if i dun exist, as if the world is turning n i m watching it spinning like mad. sometimes i dun feel like a part it, eventhough sometimes i do. sometimes i feel lost in the middle of nowhere, n when i look ard i saw ppl i noe doing things dat i do not noe. i could go on n on n say crazy things, but i think i will stop here becos my fingers feel weird thx to chilli seeds.

but then, i still dunno the world i m living in. i dunno anything eventhough sometimes i think i noe something but not everything.



ok. stop. it was all too spontaneous, even for myself to accept. all this.

THE week part 2

half a sunday came back.. and now it's gone.

tick tock tick tock. 5 mins to 2pm. sunday afternoon.. shudn't be too relaxing as work is calling me..

***

had soup lunch.. n now back to room, staring at computer..

***

reporting back in THE week..

friday's gospel nite was ok. good job on the flute 羊羊! n she must hv been so shocked when she saw her bf! haha...

***

then came saturday. as always, saturday is so full of bliss, peace and tranquility.

music in mp3 + nice walks around town + nice weather; 幸福的感觉，就像现在播放着的《幸福洋菓子店》一样的温暖。


then it was catholic society's x'mas ball. thanks for inviting us 祁祺!

jazzy music perking up the spirit, while moderate food + yummy dessert adds on to the nice atmosphere. didn't want to hang around so just went home, a freezing walk home.

***

time to get back to books again. x'mas is not here yet. no pain no gain.. work b4 u party again laaaaaaaaa......

THE week part 1

THE week. just started and won't end until saturday nite. after x'mas ball.

it started with ballet, St. Petersburg Ballet, Swan Lake. I wanna dance, but my interest has long deviated from ballet to a modern/contemporary dancing, since 水月... the best ending to my secondary school days..

then it was turkish dinner. all those kofte i had.. it was yummy but just too much meat in one go. but the next day i was a vegetarian so it's fine..

***

next up it's tonite's gospel nite and then it's cathsoc ball. looking fwd...

***

lately i can concentrate better in class. n i realised how 3 min 热度 i am.. after lectures i just wanna go back n read read read.. cos all seems so interesting. but when i m back home, i noe i need to cook, i noe i want to chill with Kei Family, i noe i want to spend some time listening to songs and just staring into the blank air, i noe i need to clean my room.. and then the night will be gone before you noe it.

***

will be back with more updates on THE week.

not in the mood to..

is it possible that two sisters get sick @ the same time but they are in different parts of the world?

***

my sister is so stucked with arts coursework.. and other things. i can't even remember being as bc during my IB days. poor her.

i dun deserve to be sick bcos i hvt been working as hard...

***

actually i m not in the mood to blog. so wtv and bye.

morning post~

一早醒来，7点整。第1堂课，10点。

早起的感觉真好，准备了简单的早餐 - 热牛奶 + 4块cream crackers with jam/peanut butter, 望着初升旭日害羞地窥探出矮矮的屋顶，感觉此刻好幸福。

一股微妙的欲望在心底燃烧着。好想，好想到海边看日出。

***

现在8点45分。真希望每一天的自己，醒来得那么容易自在开心。

生活，是否还在掌握之中？

once again. i hv been lazing ard the whole week, yet i felt i gained a lot out of other stuff in life.

after a hectic weekend of lab report, i was just not in the mood to work. Then Wednesday came by, and 祁家 was on board a journey of craziness and funness yet again...

Marie Antoinette. 绕了一大圈才到达的戏院。Dessert@Zizzi .

Lost in Translation. Music. Mmm.

Burnt Cola-Chicken. Non-working mood/mode.

2 movies, 2nights, 2 venues (1 director though.. ;p). i can't wait for the next outing，大家姐will join in too!

Friday, night already. No work done. And tmr will be another non-stop day.

***

Once again, at one point in the week, I was thinking of my possible options, my future.

I am lost, lost in the mist of blurness.

I felt childish, in the world where people has big ambitions.

I thought I have grown, but then I realised, the me deep inside, is still as dependent and naive as before.

***

Thinking back. 2 years ago. Studying for the sake of studying, for the sake of getting good grades, and getting into a good uni. And then? what is next? 2 year later. These questions remain unanswered.

There might not be another 2 years for me to think. But then until now, I am still 过一天算一天。

不到悬崖边我都不知道危险已经逼近，不知道未来的路是宽是窄是弯是直。没有目标的时候，该如何前进？就这样，麻木地前进。麻木地跟随着人群前进。

如果世界上只剩下我一个人，我会否就这样，静静地呆坐，呆坐到死去的那一天？

***

ending shud not be on a sad/pessimistic note.



所以我告诉自己，我的路，一定不凡。不凡是因为，我选择慢慢地走到终点，以免错失了沿途可贵的风景。

Addicted...

Addicted…Part 1 ~*

嗯。
今晚来一点点的
诗情画意… :)

告诉自己，单身潜逃吧

淡水河边的约定 似梦境
反正我们的故事已经
蜕变成挂在半梦半醒之间的回忆
留下仿如未知数的无意义

忍不住窥探窗外的你
是否 只是幻影

提着一个人的行李
开始无目的地逛街旅行

那间咖啡厅
依然是那间小小的咖啡厅

没有了两个人一起的身影
地球的转动还是如此轻易

追赶着不停下来的时间
想想下一次的择偶条件



懂的人就懂，不懂的人就不懂




Addicted… Part 2~*

炒米饼！！！
M’sia 好像没吃过？这是属于香港的特产吗？真是好好味啊！

yummy!!!

***

no Addicted part 3... yet.

and back to lab. or go to sleep. yeap, i m a bad gal i am.

not_Eliza, signing off...

tuesday's high

饶恕我的任性吧，自己。forgive me, myself.

for once, tuesday nite is so out of control. halloween is nth but it seems to hv become a 间接性excuse to slack, play ard, hang ard, n be high.

***

who cares abt lab report, who cares abt endless readings. life can never revolve ard academic achievement all the time despite it's importance in the world of reality. but at dis moment i dun care wat i did just now. i feel regret now, not cos i slack too much, cos i ate too much biscuits. ;p

so fun to hang ard with 祁家。

i will miss all these craziness and madness during my xmas hols............................

***

蛋蛋很累了, 要睡了，拜拜了 。

yaam kopi, seik roti!

yaam kopi, seik roti!!! 饮 kopi, 吃 roti!!!

aaa.. guess wat! i did dis in Junipers! in Nottingham!! in freakin' UK!!!

hmm.. oookk. i m more like freakin' out than being happy.. hahaha.. but i m happy! i m HYPER!

caption: ipoh white coffee, one steamed n one toasted wholemeal bread with oliveoil spread n kaya, half-boiled egg but not too successful due to egg taken directly from fridge.

How to prepare traditional M'sian/Sg'porean breakfast:
1) Boil some water. Put room temperature egg(s) into the hot water. Put it on low fire/just off
the stove.
2) Steam/Toast your choice of bread.
(i) for steamed bread: apply butter/marjarine and kaya on your bread before steaming.
(ii) for toasted bread: apply afterwards.
2) Make yourself a cup of Milo/local black coffee/Ipoh white coffee/teh ( milk tea).

How to eat:
1) Serve half boiled egg in small bowl. Add soya sauce and pepper powder.
2) Dip bread into egg mixture/coffee.
3) Feel the goodness of scrumptuous breakfast.



p/s: the kaya could be smoother by using coconut milk instead of creamed coconut + AIR. could add more GULA to make it more MANIS.

p/s (ii): AIR = water; GULA = sugar; MANIS = sweet.

MUAHAHA. today is such a nice day, n it is just the beginning of it. :) no more daylight saving time, but an xtra hr wont make the winter longer if everyday is going to be this good!

randomising life

i m beginning to accept the fact that i m not a professionalist.

being a generalist means, u r interested in many things, but might not become an expert in it. hmm. dat's really true of me. but i use to hate it, hence not accepting it.

i like almost every lecture now. i like walking on the street, alone or with a fren or with a bunch of frens. i like cooking 2gether with flatmates. i enjoy beeston shopping days. i dun hate cleaning my room/bathroom. i dun hate washing up. i like my room though still hs room for improvement.

hmm. maybe it's just cos i m not really really doing much work yet. when pressure piles up on me, i m surely going to hate the whole world again. it's just a matter of emotions n perceptions. everything in the world is just so.. psychologically related. :)

though haven't been sitting down and thinking of 'what should i be when i grow up' kinda question, but sometimes in the middle of resting, walking, dreaming or wtv, it just crosses my mind dat, if i do this do dat, my life will be so fun. but in reality, there is still many things to learn to cope with to think of to consider... i m still acting like a child idealising my future. but in the same time, i feel i m growing up, mentally as well.

life is just so.. ironic; so unexpected yet so predictable, so beautiful yet so ugly, so intriguing yet so dull, so fast yet so slow, so simple yet so complicated...

***

i dunno wat am i drawing on to.. but for now, i m content, with wat i hv and wat i hd. to think abt the past n to regret it is the stupidest thing to do but we never will be able to resolve this mindset of ours. learning from mistake is so simple a theory yet so hard to practicalise it.

y m i so philosphical all of a sudden.

i think i need some yoga.

signing off in 5 seconds, 4, 3, 2, 1.












inspired by: a random self.

confession

time to confess...

i) i am hooked to biscuits again! digestives is currently my favourite. there r many ways to eat it. here are some of my suggestion:

a) eat it on its own
b) dip it into a cup of milk

ii) i do not want to read!!!!!! reading is dead boring!!! i can't be bored out before exams arrive!!

iii) i should not crave for starbucks hot chocolate or caffe nero's caramel latte. but i am.







oohhhmyygoddd. can we hv the ktv session...now?!?!

@ notts...

i m mentally n physically tired now actually.. but not in the mood to sleep? so i decided to visit an old fren tonite, and continue my journey with my inner soul - travelling with my heart.

i can't remember how i came up with this name actually.. it was so long time ago. it was when i was still in singapore, feeling so lost and sad and lonely. i had to blog so much during those days.. no actually. those days i wrote diaries.. not anymore now. bcos i blog. but blogging seems so.. so not personal. maybe dat's y i hv 2 blogs. those random poem-like stuff just keep from revealing too much, yet saying out wat i wanted to say. ha.

speaking of poems, i came across this competition thingie in SinChew just rite b4 i arrived in UK. should i say it's such a coincidence dat i saw it? yea.. cos i never read SinChew, as at home we always order for NanYang. oh, for those who r lost, these two seemingly alien names are names of newspaper in M'sia.

and so..

i really wanted to join this competition. i want to send it my poem-like stuff. too bad i can't just pick up one from my blog. bcos they cant be published anywhere (yes, including websites) before. n this totally suck. cos, i can't seem to produce better 'production' nowadays. cos the sensitve-self inside me hasn't been showing up lately, which is actually quite good.

oh well, just c how it goes. it's due 31st dec 2006 anyway.

n now, still collecting.. info, feelings, inspiration, or wtv u call dat stuff.

***

oh yes. i hvt been toking much abt my life lately. the story is just gonna keep going, but wat is most important is, i m enjoying it a lot.

ok. here's goes. just a sip of it.

jordan's cereal; mooncakesss; steamed egg; key lime pie; kitchen cum study area; ABC soup; laundry lines; beeston visits; ktv-discussion; digestives; friday-off; ipenny; qinqin; walking; frozen banana; squashed apple + juice; shoe rack to buy or not to buy..........

ok. this is one big sip. n now, time for beddy.

我要加油！

心口仿佛被什么压住了
吐气的次数比吸气还要多
可除了这样做
世界上好像没有其他的办法了
除非
自己先决定放弃自己

可能
这就是压力吧
我内心所期盼的自己
往往比真正的自己还要差很多
就因为这样
觉得自己永远比不上优越人士
我活在自己的高山上
可是却害自己缺氧
别人往高处爬的时候
我也想
可是别人的氧气存量好像多到
一个无穷大的喜马拉雅山都装不完
而自己
依靠这仅存的少许不纯净的氧气
默默生活在甚少有人路过的山崖边
冷嗖的风 没有人气为我加温
暴风雪之际 危机频临却缺乏扭转乾坤的力量
时机来不及成熟 就已经化为乌有

眼高手低
别人眼中的我 也许不及自己想象中的十分之一
为何如此在意
逻辑学上确实无意义
社会学上却是充满无限动力与魔力

那么 自己眼中的自己呢？

10匹阿姆
我的房间就像第一天搬进来时一样乱
就连这种小事都做不好的自己
就甭想读好书找一份工作升职加薪…

2 more days

21/9/06. 8.55p.m.

2 more days b4 i leave for UK, 2 more days before i leave the ever so warm n humid KL behind.

met jing, suzanne, liyen, rachel, mary n ah-bin today. glad to hear old jokes old gossips n old laughters. will miss ya all in UK. no more gathering in small rooms that could not really fit all of us. no more heart-warming soup on a cold night. no more cooking instant noodle in small rice cooker. no more hair-curling for miss liyen.

sometimes it's better to just keep all these in the back of ur brain. :)

thanks for the gathering today guys! nice thai food! love the tom yam soup n mango sticky rice! eii.. how come we didnt took pic? ggeeez..

***

can't wait to meet up CH-buddies for ktv n long chats on sat. can't wait to c them yet not really wanting dat day to come.

till then, i just wanna take my time n breathe more of the msian air.

白白的

回到吉隆坡，鼻子敏感突然好了。那个房间果然有问题。

沉溺了24小时，现在还活在余温当中。真够力。大马人唱歌，果然还是行的。

一个星期！！ 不，5天。 2，3，4，5，6~~~ 星期六就要飞了..

好像，白白地过了一个白白的假期。感觉怎样？嗯... 就.. 白白的咯。

歌唱了。好东西吃了很多。觉睡了很多。呆发了很多。电视盯了很多。资讯接受了很多。

就这样。接下来的，就是把白白的假期，分散开来，变成七彩。

沉淀

一年了。来了新加岛那么久，都还没有重新建立起饭后散步的习惯。今天却突然走出屋子，步行在夜间的小路上。就不知道是什么样的无形的力量，总是在这个时候，我不由自主地让我沉淀自己，而心中大部分的时候，是愉快的。我以大环境为友，一切来得那么地自然。套一句妈常用的字句，也许是因为“磁场”好的关系吧。

前些时候，我说到自己一直盯着电视看，对吧？今天，我终于开始拿起《那些年我们一起追的女孩》，从书签停留在的那一页开始，展开与现实生活杜绝的赛跑，而这一场赛跑，时间不是评判，或则说，时间根本不是赛跑的原动力。

不想看连续剧，也不想看综艺节目，却开始想看电影。很多很多很多的电影。还好，有天映频道。

这几天看了好几部不错的电影，也许不是耗资千万的巨大制作，令人捧腹的戏剧影片，可是，当中的感动，以及围绕在几个人物之间的友情、爱情、亲情，以及牵涉到各阶层社会人士的观念等等等，却可以感动小小的我的心。

《电车男》，《海南鸡饭》，《NANA》等等，2小时的紧凑，总好过20/40个小时的拖泥带水。2小时候的余波，远远超过那一滴激发第一圈涟漪的露水。怎么连我自己也不知道自己在说什么啊???

说会来，刚才，走着走着，突然回想起，2年前的自己，走在没有变化的HG，好像也如此，如此地幸福。被几栋黄色的10楼高的长柱体拥抱着的小小世外桃源，依然是那么地安详。然而，想一想，2年前的我，2年前的一切，已经离我那么地遥远了。昨天永远不会回头，仿佛和19年前，开始学会独立呼吸的那一天的距离是一样的，一样的遥远，一样的永远消失不见。虽然回忆永远烙印在脑纹的某处，可是丧失了的时间，怎么讲，还是丧失了。

好了，我是怎么又变悲观起来了...

还是继续回到可以让时间暂时停滞的小说迷宫中吧...

无聊人请进

过了好一阵子的无聊生活，也觉得自己越来越无聊了。没事做就看电视，藏在那一层玻璃后面的世界每一天千变万化，然后我就像个虔诚的信徒一般，每一天准时扭开电视。默默沉溺在没有营养的八卦话题，看看在娱乐圈里工作的人今天又干了什么事，仿佛他们的一举一动，都会影响我每日的健康平安快乐一样。不知哪一天，若没有了他们，我的生活还是否多姿多彩呢？

再来，会定时观察其他人的生活方式，看着他们的生活有多精彩刺激感人可怜辛苦幸福，然后进而感叹自己为什么生活如此地无聊乏味，或者庆幸自己有多幸福快乐。有时候，会怨恨那个男人为什么那么贱，竟然对不起女人。有时候，却为了别人楚楚可怜的遭遇而眼泪盈眶。就这样反反复复看着别人过活，到了夜深人静顿然发觉自己的生活却是百般无趣，只有看着别人开心伤心的份。讽刺的是，那一些让我目不转睛、聚精会神于荧光幕前的，却有多少是值得我为之耗费岁月的呢？歪歪脑袋想一想，抓抓头皮算一算，我花费在荧光幕前的分分秒秒，可以让我把所有我还没看完的书看完，甚至把所有碰到的陌生词汇查出来，还有记起来。很可能还有多余的时间慢慢消化每天只有被我眼尾扫过的份的头版，经济版等。

哪一朝当我日上三竿才甘愿爬出温暖的被窝时，发现报纸不再有娱乐版，电视不再播放干我屁事的八卦消息，媒体不再歌颂片面性的审美观，也许我已经成为下一位方文山/藤井树了。

赫然发觉到，我所有最大的业余兴趣，全部都为了躲避称霸“休闲时间最常做的事之排行榜”多年的恶势力、兴趣族群之中的黑社会老大而纷纷任由我将它们抛在脑后。它们到底是在等待我有朝一日会觉悟的可能性，抑或是害怕被具有勾引能力的新世纪恶势力砍杀，决定自动弃权而后退三分？不晓得。可是，有一点本人是非常清楚。就是狡猾的良知最喜欢掩饰自己，而远见的理性也同样不喜欢抛头露面。它们俩最爱耍弄愧疚这个在人性存在的第一天就存在了的游戏，好让愧疚将它们俩的面纱狠狠地撕开来，表露出它们会发放白色光线的、赤裸裸的真面目。白色光线把一切的糊涂迷惘逃避害怕不安等等完完全全照亮，不让一丝的侥幸伴随着那些愧疚未能够顺利逮捕的漏网之通缉犯，利用自以为光芒无限的自己，笼罩所有人性的丑恶。而事实上，良知和理性，确实具有这样的力量。可笑的是，良知和理性，何尝不是人性的一部分呢？万物皆如此，正负相遇相克，最终就是为了达到中庸之道的境界。


最后，衷心感谢阅读了每一个无聊字句的你。如果没有无聊的你们，还是会有这个无聊的我继续写一些作文考试写出来肯定以零分计算、离题到离谱的文字集合。

happy~~~~

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

i lied. but pls tell me it was ok.

PSR MLM .. i love it!

it's such a stupid thing. sometimes i feel i dun live a normal life, bcos i dont. i miss those good old days.. psr mlm! i hvt been there for soo long!

it's raining. thank god it didnt rained, just now. god blessed, truly.

***

last week b4 going to sg.

so 矛盾。

不想去，有很想去。u gain things n lose things. it's just the way of life i guess.

***

i enjoy doing things for myself, at least for now. i meet frens bcos i want to meet them. i read when i feel like reading, sleep when i feel like sleeping, n sing when i feel like singing. n write wtv dat comes into my mind, no matter if it make sense to anyone or not. at least, it make sense to me. at least, at dis moment.

raining. still.

it's 2.30am, otherwise, dis entry might hv been longer.

***

happy to regain, the need to express feelings n emotions, thru words that can but perhaps may not fully illustrate things, but nth is more important now, than re-entering the world of, ME.

无奈

我曾经是那么地热爱，这片国土...

***

小时候，以为这里充满了所有的幸福人，因为大家都同样拥抱着，一片没有天灾的国土，邻国是火山、地震活跃地带，我们最多遭遇一些余震 + 水灾之类的。

以前道德课本、历史课本，都在告诉我们大马是个多元化种族的国家，有华，巫，印3大民族，然后大家相处融洽，就像梦想中的某个理想童话乐园。

哼！谁还会沉溺在童话世界的迷幻之中？

渐渐长大以后，我们都发现，我们被老师骗了，被校长骗了，被学校骗了，被社会骗了，被全世界骗了。

***

今天，当我身在车厢里，望着有点陌生的风景掠过眼前时，我豁然发觉，我已经开始越来越不属于这里了。

我是要开心，还是伤心，呢？

***

现在的我，最喜欢的是这里的音乐人，因为只有他们，我才有理由继续以大马公民身份为荣。

在一次随笔...

终于去了redbox!!!

一个字：爽!

***

藤井树不够了，也许该开始看另外的书。

等着我看的书: 《在世界的中心呼唤爱情》，Memoirs of a Geisha, Pride and Prejudice etc... 还有一本刚买的，什么方文山等人推荐网络作家。

与其等待灵感找上门，不如自己主动去找寻。

***

还没学习妈妈的看家本领，明日复明日啊真是。

***

滴答滴答，分分秒秒。休假的美好光阴，慢慢溜走。

流行乐，连戏剧，电影，娱乐新闻，治安问题，政治问题，道地美食； 流行乐，连戏剧....

无常循环，循环无常。

***

也许随笔写写，随意地玩弄着文字，可以激发正玩着躲猫猫的灵感泉源...

holi.

i hv lost the touch of writing...

cant be bothered to post pictures or tell tales dat happened in scandinavia... anyway, most part of the trip is plain n monotonous... all the spectacular fjords, breathtaking ranges, n numerous reflective waters hs numbed my senses to the extreme beauty of nature... at 1st glance, well, the 1st week was really trilling.. there's no other places like dis where u can see so much of wat nature is truly made out of. norway, the paridise of fjords n of world heritage, stockholm n copenhagen, the land of dangerous bikers n also home to tranquility. wish i could just wander ard the never-ending streets in such breezy n cooling weather.

2 weeks after back-aching, buttock-numbing coach rides up n down hills n windy paths, i now arrived at Chester, New Jersey, US, for the second time. the same day n month, last yr, i was here as well, getting use to a new environment, a small lil' town, with cosy coffee shops, tiny shops dat sells vintage stuff, or very country-side stuff. n now, now dat i m back here once again, this small little town of Chester, reminds me of Beeston. i realised then, i m already attached to Notts, in a way.

***
live for today. so i will just tok abt my life in NJ for now.

typical day in US. wake up @ 9 ish, brush up, yoga if i wake up early. send sis to Dr. place. head for cafe for coffee + muffin/pastry/bagel. retreat to book n observation. pick up mei. lunch. could go for shopping or movie or just go home. most prolly will go bookshop, mum's fav place, in search of her astrology books. dinner. tv. sleep.

not too boring, as it wld seem. immersing in holiday mood is the best thing ever. but i long for home: food, ktv, frens n all dat. 2 weeks. it's not too long from now.

不约而同的碰面

不约而同的碰面，一切一切，冥冥之中，早有定局。

从昨天晚上开始，一切好像都变得无法捉摸，仿佛一些东西，我即将失去。

最后一次的gathering， 10.40pm，在suz的小房间。从来，都没有觉得原来一间房间可以那么大，容纳了那么多的欢笑，那么多的回忆。Jing, Mary, Hang, Zak, Freezio, Mary 还有 Suz，今天全都走了，只剩下Mary。3am, 3.30am, 2次的firealarm, 我都不想发脾气。4点半，回到小房间。5点，Suz第一个走了。我送了她走，天已经亮了。

6点，睡了。9点突然惊醒。呆滞地洗刷完毕，cleaner Sue 突然进来。送了一张 Thank You Card给她，温暖地拥抱了一下。11am, 搬东西去self access，巧遇Jing n Raymond。送别第二集。

从City回来，同Mary去Uni Park，搞定了琐琐碎碎的事情。回来时，4点，在Newark Hall前面巧遇Freezio, Hang, Zak。送别第三集。

又是同样一班人，又是同一段回忆，相互交错的，是不是就这样，写下了完美句点？

Episode 2: Birmingham

nth much to do there except revisiting the city, everyday.

1st day, window shopping most of the time, n bought one t-shirt. birm is still like how i rmbed. lunch at Cafe Soya, i miss soya bean n tau foo fa so much. was so overwhelmed by extensive walking in london dat i hd to rest at krispy kreme's n of cos ate one as well. dinner was dis pakistani restaurant, the food was awesomely authentic n original, yumm. the sheesh kebab was just mouthwatering good, din really like the lamb chop though, but the naan was superb as well. sadly, all meat. aiks. the dessert was the climax of the nite, sooo sweetttt, if u want real sweet, rmb, go to an indian/pakistani restaurant. they serve u real sweet, it's just like eating sugar on its own. one bite is enuf, the second will just make u feel like throwing up. but nevertheless, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

2nd day, i was crazy. crazy enuf to spend a freakin' 10pounds on golden music award. yes, i m crazy. spend most of the day in Starbucks, n just cos it's Starbucks i m willing to sit comfy-ly on the nice coach, n gazing at the comp screen, n sipping my java chip frappe. dinner at Wagamama's, hd jap curry rice, it was yummy n very filling indeed. n then, me n arlina tried to get into a pub for footie match, but i was wearing trainers so they din allow. how pathetic. argh.

3rd day, the usual get up at 10/11am, then brunch was yummy dim sum. n continue window shopping.. n tried Ben and Jerry's! oh my apple pie.. woooo! n yes, window shopping here we go again.. n finally, sat at dis bench at chatted for so long..while waiting mike tan to finish his work. then we went to Malaysian Delight for some Malaysian food ( aaa.. missed it soo much!) hd beef rendang, the eggplant claypot n 马来风光！ so nice! caught The Omen in cinema, n the ending was just soo disapppointing.. dat nite, chatted so long again with arlina till we can see daylight. slept for a few hrs n got up to catch the train back home.

the feeling of going back, doesnt always feel good. no wonder i like travelling. u can try to be a different person by forgetting ur past n future bcos travelling is just abt living in the present.

London trip

i hv left the habit of blogging aside, for quite a long while, n now it is time to get back on the track with updates of my life, which i hv spent most of the time away from nottingham.

episode 1: London..

it was sunny 3 day long.. 1st n 2nd day walking rapidly across london, but physical limitation came kicking in on the 3rd. couldn't bear the hot sun n the speed-walking no longer...

1st day was supposedly the shopping day. thanks ourselves for missing the train.. well, basically it was suz n mary.. hehe.. me, viv n szelyn got on the train.. suz n mary were holding onto my tix.. so we hd to meet at leicester to get together again.. n hence, wasted some shopping time as shops closed too early in UK.




it's funny how things always work the other way round. nth felt worth buying on the 1st day, but bought 3 things on the 2nd day, when it was meant to be a day of pure-touristy sight-seeing. oh well.. just cos dat H & M at Kensington was too inviting...

2nd day. breakfast at starbucks. can't get enough of coffee shops, i just love 'em. banana nut muffin n freshly brewed coffee. yum. brisk walking, or rather speed-walking through various pathways, pass through trees dat reaches up to the skies, sheding us away from direct sunlight. 若隐若现的阳光渗透一层层的茂密树叶，真是美极了。

exchanged of guards 看了第二次，所以没什么多大感觉，唯一的一点，就是同样那么晒，那么热，那么人潮拥挤。还有一股让人怀念的感觉，似曾相识的熟悉感。踏入人群之中，仿佛回到我的那双红保龄球鞋的回忆。

Kensington Palace, 还记得，2年前妈妈爱不释手的戴安娜王妃的原子笔。可惜，我未能重新踏入堡垒里面，门票太贵。

Bayswater 的 Duck Rice 果然名不虚传，可是我想念的，却还是那一股乡土味儿，而不是好吃/不好吃。就像是，一琬普普通通的Lai Fun，一碗简简单单的Pangkor Laksa。

傍晚的London Bridge上面，都是一群往同一个方向前进的上班族 - 往回家的路，往家庭幸福美满的路。我们逆着众人方向迈进，走到London Bridge中央，企图拍摄更加美丽的那一道Tower Bridge。

Mary Poppins：
- supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
- "anything can happen if u let it"
- "practically perfect..."
- "a spoonful of sugar let the medicine go down..." moral = no matter how bitter life is, the sweet memories will still guide us through our life's pathway till the very end.

and many many more.

*~ a simple story often tells more than it appears to ~*

3rd day: 我疲惫的身躯，拖着我沉重的双腿，走着走着，走到了Harrods。唯一让我精神振奋的，是尝到了Krispy Kreme。没有想象中的那么甜，所以还蛮喜欢的。Camden Town 是 Petaling Street No.2, 没什么好逛的。那一间Karaoke还不错，歌曲相当新，主要的还是同在诺丁汉相识的一般好友们一起高歌。爽，尽管因为这样而必须让钱包流血。

伦敦，我还是比较爱你绿色的公园，文化气息浓郁的 Covent Garden, 反光的湖面和那上头的鹅鸭。伦敦，因为城市外的独特气质而美丽。

update

can u believe it? shean hs no time to blog AFTER exam n was blogging on n off DURING exam. omg.

ok. updates.

C81BIO was not as horrible as C81IND. though the uncertainty remains in the air. 25% of getting a question rite. n i can make the worst choice sometimes. anyway, who cares now. the point is, it's over. ( wait till the results r out, n DENG DENG DENG DENG.)

tmr going london. 3 days 2 nites. then rest one day. well, rest as in, remain in notts. but will b hving dinner/outing with coursemates. last gathering b4 we depart back to our homes. then next up will be birm. shud be staying there for 4days3nites or 3days2nites. depends.

shall zzz soon. nth interesting to blog abt already.

ohya. sat nite was the jub gathering, with our 20ppl @ fridays. it was cool! n caught da vinci code as well. the movie was ok i think.. n now i gonna read the book.

cant wait to b occupied with books n books n more books in US. cos shall hv loads of time to spare.

okie. next update shud, ideally, be after london. if not too tired.

after exploring various chocolatesss, i still love ferrero n give it 5 star.

nut, chocolate, wafer. nth taste better than such a combination. yum.

right. enuf of 'time out'. back to work.

n 4 more days to go, b4 shean goes crazy from head to toe.

dragging

it just keeps dragging..

everyday, every hr, every minute..

preparation is dragging, time is ticking, yet motivation is depleting.

it's just one more week, but concentration has not been with me since, n one can see it quite cleary as i m back to blogging.

the worst is yet to come, i just hope dat i hvt reach my concentration threshold if there is actually one.

我窗外的天空，只有一种心情: 哭泣。

24小时的泪水，已经多到无法蒸发。也因为哭丧了脸的天空，眼睛也不能好好地睁开。看不下书，也只有这个原因。房间一角，舒服的床褥，呼唤着半梦半醒的灵魂，就这样度过了1个半小时休克时段。

醒来以后，脚板冰冷，天空依然灰色。纵使再怎么精神，看书还是不入脑。

以前，我到底是这么撑过来的。

窝在小小的房间里，快疯了。还好晚餐吃得饱，却因此浪费了时间。

明天，又是全新的一天。早点就寝，也许就不会钓鱼。反正这种钓鱼，永远不会有收获。

STATS DOWN

yeah!! STATS OFFICIALLY DOWN~!

***

after stats, went for a late afternoon tea with coursemates at the usual 'the bean'.. mmm.. just love the atmosphere there.. though it rained... hd my usual mochacino.. but i somehow tasted not as good.. i think i like trent mocha better now.. lol

then went to sains.. bought some healthy fruits.. yeah... n then.. off to fresh asia.. then to sukho thai cafe.. yum.. nice dinner!

aa.. wat a good day.. but i end up in a non-working mood.. felt so chatty tonite.. haha..

but u noe, nth is perfect.. smth just comes abt n ruin ur day..

it was a spider..

but i defeated it.. feel bad to kill it but i just had to. cos it lied on the celing n any minute it could drop right at my face while i m in deep sleep.. eww.. the tot of dat just gave me the courage to confront my fear n yes.. i defeated the mighty spider..

shud i go into the details of killing it?

ok. 1st i tied two hangers together.. cos u noe..one hanger is too short.. i dun really wanna feel so close to dat spider.. so ya.. n then.. i hd to wrap one end of the hanger with tissues. cos i m afard to hurt the spider with the sharp end.. (dis sounds really ridiculous cos in the end i killed it anyway..)

n then.. it moved.. n slided down it's invisible web... to the dark blue pattern carpet.. n i tot i lost sight of it!!! aaa... i quickly grabbed my hardest shoe, my clog/heels n smashed it.. aa.. i wrapped it with a tissue, n i could feel it's limbs.. ewww.. i cant stand the tot of a dead spider in my room n so i hd to throw it into the pantry... eww..

hope it will 投胎 into a better being.. a puppy/kitty etc... just dun become a spider again ok?

***

tmr back to books, n yes, no more drifting off like tonight..

"ED......."

tenors at my corridor...

"Ed............................................................................"

-_-'''

dat's how i got to noe wat's the name of the guy living opposite me...

is it that...

is it that when exams pressure comes ppl starts to get into depressions?

is it that when depression comes ppl start to accumulate negative thoughts?

is it that when negative thoughts come ppl start to recollect happy memories?

is it that when happy memories are being recollected ppl start to feel like going back to all those good-old days?

***

i miss my UWC benches. we can just sit there to eat, chat, and do work.

it is from those benches that i developed frenship, i will always remember.

no matter how yucky those benches once were, i really missed them now.

***

is is that when one feels bored and sleepy, one start blogging for the sake of amusement?

null disproved!

WOOHOO!

i disproved my null hypothesis!

wat's left to do now is, to do a final read-through tmr and the biblio section (which always takes me ages..)

n for now, it's stats time!

mother's day, May 14th.

sis bought purple roses, good. but out of all choice, with the addition of curry puffs? ok, fine. maybe she just wanna be special.. n cakes r boring enuf. n anyway, mum loves curry puffs. n i missed them loads. :(

called mum like 3 times but she didn't pick up. she called ard 11am cos she knew i called! haha.. apparently she did not hear my call cos she was in West Mall eating Mayim. n then they gonna eat Bali Thai for dinner. lol. jealous.

Happy Mother's Day Mummy..!!! hoped u hv received my card, n hope u liked it! mux! (she wont see my post anyway actually..)

***

btw, my null hypothesis was proven to be true. wat a disgrace to my experiment.

now i shall set 2nd null hypothesis, which i doubt it will be disprove, again. but i just want to set. hmph.

2nd null hypothesis: shean will not reach the word limit by monday afternoon.

geez. my goals r idealistic, but dat's how i need to make myself do things. if this was a lab report, i wld hv finished it earlier on. i wished i was doing a lab report, instead of this. not dat it's not interesting, but his WRITINGS r just too difficult to understand. i m just a uni student ok. argh.

anyway. i want to sleep soon n do work tmr.

i want to disprove it!

falling asleep every 5 mins.

argh.

conspiracy theory: tze shean will finish essay by sunday.

goal: to disprove null hypothesis.

sudden thought:

familiarity vs. liking. a positive relationship? perhaps dat's y we grew to like the voice of a certain singer more n more. :)

红颜薄命

我想拿着相机，到处拍摄。

East entrance那头的花，暗淡了。

红颜薄命矣。

湖边、路边的粉红花海，如今散落大地。

红颜不堪一击，经不起风雨的肆虐。

再不记载刹那的美丽瞬间，不知何时又能相见。

***第一百个post，意境却是悲观的。***

stupid me found the card.

HAHAHAHA.

blue sunday

totally refreshed after a merely less than 50 minutes exercise session - a bit of walking n more of jogging. it's not sunny, nor freezing. just a bit cold, drizzling. would hv jog slightly longer but just couldn't get use to the pathway yet. dunno where shud i jog to, n continue on to jog.

tired.

but after a shower, everything seems fine. so hungry dat i find brunch is absolutely insufficient. went to SU shop n bought snacks. ate up everything in one go. lol.

tried studying abt bio - sleep. quite interesting. but too much to read on n time is running out. maybe i shud read the summary instead. gloomy day, yes it is. surprisingly, my mood is still normal n in fact, a bit more energetic than normal. maybe it's dat morning jog n warm shower.

dinner sucked so ate noodle. quite yummy. called mummy in the afternoon. her flirtacious voice dat i once didn't really could just make me smile.

"酱好的，自己打电话来的。妈咪本来晚上要打给你的...."

my mood is generally good, besides one stupid thing dat happen. n i am pissed, i mean very very pissed abt it. sigh. I LOST THE MOTHER'S DAY CARD DAT I BOUGHT AGES AGO! i like dat very much ok! n it's purple, her fav colour! n most importantly is, i like the content! argh!! i want the same one! i dun care! i am so going to get it somehow n post it immediately! who cares abt screwing up listening exam for dat...

cool down...

okok.. not going to ruin my night cos of dis. my emotions r settled, n the decision hs been made. tmr shall b hunting-for-mother's-day-card day. ok. enuf n back to italian. i really wish to abandon my essay, now n forever.

*~a day when gloomy skies no longer pile up on my burden~*

btw spring and summer

it's the best time of the year, when one should be sitting at a quiet corner at a cosy little cafe, drinking your favourite frappucino or watever it is, reading the book that you have been anticipating for it to publish, or even a book that you have read and feel like reading it over again because it was just too good.

it's the best time of the year, when one should be gathering her best buddies, hanging out at places under the not-too-hot sunshine, chit-chatting abt those good-old days, laughing abt how stupid and naive we were, and worrying abt getting old day by day.

it's the best time of the year, when one should enjoy an early dinner, and then head towards the ice-cream cart, n indulge in a white milky dream, while strolling by the lake, yet still avoiding duck poo along the way.

it's the best time of the year, when one should be getting into sport attires, doing stretching and warm-up exercises, lengthening those flabby muscles, loosening up those tight joints, getting all set and ready for a nice jog at a scenic park.

it's the best time of the year, when one should get up early, making french toast on the stove, blending healthy juice on the blender, eating breakfast in the garden, reading the day's paper, and breathing the first fresh air of the day.

it's the best time of the year, when one should prepare home-made sandwich, wrapping them carefully in sandwich bags, and preparing package crysanthemum tea, placing everything into a picnic basket, and head towards the downs, enjoying a sunny lunch.

it's the worst time of the year, to sit down like a robot, doing routine revision, doing routine reading-up for essays, and routinely feeling sleeping after lunch, and then routinely thinking of ways to prevent oneself from falling asleep, and ended up munching on biscuits. by late afternoon, one might be doing some mini stretching to wake oneself up, and then end up chatting and browsing the net. one then goes to atrium for sucky dinner, n head back to boring room, thinking y the hell it's still bright outside.

stop.

my mood is in extreme joy today. i shall not further spoil it.

n yes, i did enjoy my white milky dream dat i bought with 1 pound, just outside Newark Hall.

I am content, yes I am. I just need another walk by the lakeside, n i promise, i will get back to study.

把文艺的自己，搁放了一旁，一段时间了。突然，很想回到那样的自己。

诗集，天气，心情，开始重燃那股热诚。

我担心，自己再也写不出什么好的东西。毕竟，很久没有碰华文书了。

去年夏天，趁在美国时的空挡，自己乱写了一则小说，还没写完。当时，写到一半，只是觉得好幼稚。那短篇小说，应该在旧电脑里吧。突然很想回顾自己写了什么蠢东西。

啊啊啊。我想上华文课。也许华文课，或任何语言课，都比这些有趣吧？

***

i like the weather. the flowers like the weather. the trees like the weather. n the bugs like the weather. :)

my study plan sticks in front of the piece of wall below the bookshelves. at dis moment, i dun think i want extra time to do stuff, i just want to get things over n done with. but when it comes to really doing things as planned, i could imagine myself yelping, 上帝！请给我多一点时间!

***

for the past few days, i hv dis weird thought of missing broadgate. odd. i miss the tranquility i guess, n also food-shopping. u noe, i can just spend hours in sains, hanging ard mostly at the bakery section. lol. can't get enuf of danish, pastries, biscuits, n all those carb food. it really doesnt matter if i dun eat meat. n it's a more of a hassle cooking meat then vege. my vege always ended up cold while jee nee is still cooking her meat dish.

ai. it's time to move ahead. i just dun noe y i keep thinking abt the past.

present. yes. come back to the present. back in newark hotel room, n keep forgetting to wear my bedroom shoes bcos of my habit dat i've developed back in broadgate. the floor is always clean bcos i vacuum it regularly, unlike here, where i need to wait for the cleaner to do it. oh, n i just love my shoes! yes. thx to cat! the yellow cute dutch shoes. even my cleaner notice them! haha..

***

ok. need to keep entries short from now on. dat's all for now.

开学了。开学了。。开学了！！！

唉。才开学第一天，就那么累了。可能是假期没有休息够吧。电力一直处于充电的阶段，可是电池还是旧的，充电时间延长，电池寿命减短。无论如何，我有信心这颗电池可以撑到2/6/06。对吧？

突然之间，大家的blog都不约而同没有update很久了。都忙吧。

加油吧。一起加油。不管是读书，工作或任何其他的事情。有志者，事竟成。老土也要说的啦。很多时候，往往最传统的观念，反而是持之不变的。

moving on

*~moving on.. with life.. MY life...~*

Good Friday:

cooked dinner for Lai Yee n myself.. hope it tasted ok for her.. hehe..
hv enjoyed cooking so far, though it does take quite a lot of time, from preparation to really cooking to washing.. but it's fun!

Holy Saturday:

was feeling a bit.. down? woke up in the morning, the earliest so in the week so far, 7a.m. felt the need for an Archangel card.

Patience ~ u r drawing closer to ur dreams faster than u think u r, but it still needs nurture n patience.

yes. patience, nurture. but, wat EXACTLY is, my d.r.e.a.m.?

in a state of melancholy for nearly the whole day, but BOLSHOI saved my day.

dreams, dreams dat will nv be realised. it was once a possibility, but i find myself soon drawing further from it, as time passes n as things changes. though still a dream, i still enjoy the occasional dwelling over such impossibilities. secretly inside, i am still a dancer, n shall always be.

Easter Sunday:

oh, n wat did i do dat day. ah yes, trying to focus on bio. no wonder i cant immediately recall, bcos it was such a boring day.

Easter Monday:

stupidly, ignored the fact that it IS still holiday for ppl out there. went to language centre, closed. went to library, closed. bah. i told myself on the route to the lib, if it does closes, i shall walk myself to the cafe in arts teatre. n yes i did. it was a nice day. but it rained a bit, but sunny most of the time. i guess the clouds were just moving too fast. i enjoyed working in a new environment, though a bit noisy due to shouting babies. i dun mind the chattings, n sound of food-preparation (i.e. the plates hitting upon each other etc.). but, the babies. a bit annoying, but when i turn n look at them, their cute faces just always manage to melt down my deep down fire.

concentrated on 2 chapters of italian dat whole afternoon. ate my home-made egg mayo sandwich, yum! n the plum i bought as well. can't leave without a cup of hot chocolate n cookie, or else i will feel guilty of sitting there all day long without buying anything from them. i was thinking, it's fun to work here. nice atmoshphere. i just love the feeling. n till today my liking for the coffee shops hs nv changed.

saw on the lakeside arts centre guide dat there will be a contemporary ballet performance in 1st june, still contemplating, whether to go or not. 2nd june hving last exam, n it's the horrible bio. hmm.

hd nice pork steak made by Jee Nee just now. n saw Cat along the way back too! hvt seen her for awhile..

nice day. nice 心情. but it's nv an excuse to get away from, study. ai.

ok. signing off here...

byebye jingle.

Jingle Tan

生于26/1/1999

死于13/4/2006

从今以后，‘Jinglebell’ 将会变成一首感伤的圣诞歌

* 我会想念你　我不会忘记
永远想念你　直到再相遇 * ~ 张震岳

bye bye, 亲爱的 Jingle.

孤单解救方案

孤单解救方案~:

a) 享受一个人的下午茶

b) 戴上耳机，仔细聆听好歌的歌词、唱腔

c) 研究食谱

生日

20 分钟之前，我正式步入19岁的第二天。

Happy Birthday to me, yesterday.

曾经想过好几次，生日，到底真正的意义在哪里？

有人说，要感谢母亲，因为是母亲最辛苦，在那一天把我们生下来。

生日，是一个人诞生的纪念日。生日的昨天，和生日的明天，又有什么分别？

够了。虽然是生日的明天了，也不需要那么沉重。

....

19岁的生日，我的心情一直是平静的，没有不开心，只有平静的开心。这样最好，因为我最不喜欢超级开心、超级High过后的空虚与沉静。那样对我来说，会稍微抹去之前开心的那种感觉。倒是平静的开心，可以延续很久，很久。

平静的开心，什么意思？

应该说，是那种小小的快乐吧。

下午的时候，我决定做午餐给flat mate, jee nee吃。虽然我所作的午餐 ( french toast ) 比较像早餐啦。不过很开心，也不知为什么。然后我们吃了strawberry trifle，是她之前就买的。本来她不知道我生日，后来通过msn发现了，她还说真不应该让我做午餐。

朋友们的msn祝贺，妈咪的长途电话，妹可爱又令人感动的post+ 《祝我生日快乐》，朋友的e-card, 爸的e-card.. 所有的祝福拼凑起来，快乐和感动都变成了幸福。

rachel煮饭邀请我过去吃，然后还有'cake'，哈，又是strawberry trifle。

我的主题蛋糕 = strawberry trifle

还有，saturday的b'day surprise, 谢谢你们!

简简单单，我似乎却更加快乐。知足，真的常乐。谢谢大家，成全了我平静的快乐。

***

祝我，生日快乐。19岁的天空，还有364天。让快乐持续蔓延，布满蔚蓝的天空。

Germany Pics

for those who cant take a ga zillion words.. here's some graphic images.. n really need to perk up my site a lil'.. too wordy.. so here goes..

yess..food foood n more food.. all yummy things ate in germany.

Hamburg @ a Glance.

A Glimpse at Berlin ~ our day tour.

day 5 : home sweet home

Germany 之旅就到此。不管之后有多少个 “哎呀! 做么没有去XXX的？？？”，至少当下是满足的，也许那样就足够了。

London, yes, we r leaving for London.

必须搭7点的火车，否则会赶不上9.30的飞机，安全起见，还是7.30a.m. check-in 比较好。

Breakfast @ berlin airport, lunch @ London Stansted airport。

没有做什么，就这样，火车 --> 飞机 --> 巴士。原来这样也可以很累的。

dinner @ no. 1 buffet. it was Mary's B'day! Hope she liked her present.. hehe..

旅行结束了，K书的日子从此展开。无奈，我花了好久的时间才进入些许的study mood。唉。

**后记：我好像，一句 German 都没有学到.....

Day 4: Berlin一日游

来到了异地，最重要是感受那里的异国风情。今天，几乎完完全全，像一个游客一样。至少，没白花了飞机票的钱。不，应该说，没有白花 train ticket 的钱，反正 London - Hamburg + Berlin - London 的 return 机票，和 Hamburg - Berlin 的 single车票，价钱不相上下。

好了，从头说起吧。

重蹈覆辙，闹钟set迟了1 hr，又是时差 + 疏忽惹的祸。完了，我的完美早餐。完了。还好，早餐不及Malaysian-style buffet breakfast 丰富。可是，我的 German Bread！ 我真的还没吃够，只因，我真的太爱Brown + Multigrain + Wholemeal 的面包。算了。

基本上，没必要这样赶咯。真的超级讨厌这种感觉 - 你死命赶却到头来原来是没有这个必要。不过，那天本人心情靓，不跟这种无聊事情计较。

上了tourist bus，就这样跟随着地图，爽stop那里，就stop那里。一开始，旅程感觉还蛮沉闷的。又是教堂，又是博物馆，柏林闷不闷一点啊。首先是一些文化中心的地方，然后是 Jewish Mesuem。接着，来到了重点之一，Checkpoint Charlie。

Checkpoint Charlie，记载了人们用之不尽的诡计。为了生存，想尽了无数的方法，逃离被管制、被拘束的生活。人力资源足够的拚了老命计划挖洞逃离计划，其他的绞尽脑汁藏入行李箱里。我记得，有一名女子试图藏入两个连在一起、相通的行李箱里，然后丈夫就这样抬着“她”走。混水摸鱼。幸好，没有被发现。总之，Berlin Wall 的开始，除了呈现了恐慌，也激起了人们为生存而缔造出的无限可能。

ok。沉闷的就不多说。

Lunch Time！没想到随机应变的午餐，味道还蛮不错的。我们尝试了当地的Kebap，虽然不是道地德国食物，Kebap却是德国人，柏林人习惯性吃的食物。便宜又大分又好吃。Kebap Doner，好饱。

为了午餐，差点儿搭不到车。冒着急性盲肠炎的危机，我们4人跟着旅游巴士一起跑。超白痴。上了车，好睏好睏。我和 Suzanne在车上又睡又醒的，想，一定是午餐作祟。本来决定在 Brandenburger Tor下车，结果，车子竟然没停！我们4人只得在下一个站停车。原来，不准备下车= 你没有下车的打算。@#)(%!%&

结果，我们像汪洋中的4条船一样，被停在了middle of no where。然后，天气又那么地配合我们，准备了大风大雨迎接，我们差点就顺流飘到荒岛去了。两把雨伞，一把终于宣告结束生命，幸好，还为它拍了遗照。我们逆着风向，好不容易找到了那个Brandenburger Tor （Brandenburg Gate），急忙拿出相机死命照相。接着，我们打算废掉无聊的巴士之旅，展开全新的 Walking Tour。

自此以后，我们靠着我们的眼睛，看到似景点的建筑物，就往那里走去。就这样，我们无意间到了Humboldt University，Lustgarten，Berliner Dom 等等不知名的旅游景点。最后一站，Berliner Dom，大家都累得随便坐在Lustgarten的木椅上，然后我专心地在寻找晚餐的好去处。不懂是什么动力/力量/冲动，我们决定走进Berliner Dom 一探究竟。结果，一进就是半个小时。

半个小时，因为教堂在举行bible study + prayer + singing session。3 个非基督教徒坐在后排，另1个基督徒跑去了前排坐着，专心的祷告，听教。教堂的装潢，永远都是那么高尚华丽，而神父总是那么慈祥。不管任何宗教，教主总是拥有同样的神情，同样的博爱 + 仁慈的神态。在陌生的国度里，感受陌生的宗教的熏陶，真是特别的体验。周围的人开始高唱圣歌，我留意着远处弹钢琴的那个人。教堂的钢琴声，总是格外的不一样。

30分钟之后，继续摸索着方向。我心里打定了算盘，要到一家名为 Weihenstephaner 的餐厅去。据旅游指南所说，it delivers a "hey, this is Germany!" experience，还有，那里好像有不错的啤酒。跟着map的方向走，我们就这样来到了一个看起来还蛮高档的街道。一件souvenir shop吸引了我们的目光，因而也赚了不少我们的钱，是4个人的钱。

晚餐，还是没有着落。害怕走错方向，却还是像个导游一般，带着其余3人一同走。幸运的，给我找到了 Hackescher Markt Station，松了一口气。4天下来的导游之称，不是浪得虚名。

不必多说，吃得当然好。最重要的，喝的也不赖。不苦的啤酒，Hefeweissbier (Wheat Yeast Beer) ，新鲜，所以甘甜。

不知是否是昨日吃得太少，Rachel说想吃Haagen Dazs。ok。反正也只是离开 restaurant 几步路而已。为此，她还特地跑去check Haagen Dazs 的打烊时间。无语。

还好是share着吃，一方面也是为了留些位子给甜点。不敢相信，我竟然和 Li Yen 共用2 scoops + 2 toppings, 然后 我 + Rachel + Li Yen 又 share了 Brownies + ice cream。平均计算，一共是1又2/3的冰淇淋+ 1/3的 brownies + 1/3 的 whip cream。当然，这是保守估计。实际上，我吃得最多。

1 scoop Bailey + 1 scoop Summer Berries 味道还ok，就是那层巧克力汁破坏了，太甜了。
1 scoop Vanilla + 1 scoop Cookies n Cream + 1 Scoop Whipcream + 1 slice brownie = 天堂。

满足。饱。涨。糟糕。肥。

接了的士回家，检讨一下，发觉17欧元 City Circle Tour 实在太浪费了，打不如我们自行游走，或是4人share cab来得便宜又方便。

到了，终于到了hotel！又累又乐又饱。洗个澡，看个电视，和周公下下棋，明早就不要再迟到，因为飞机是不等人的。

Day 3: Leisure @ Berlin

柏林。一个有血有泪的城市。成为德国的首都仅仅10年的光景。成长的痕迹，记载于一座又一座的维修。历史，我是还给了老师。可就突然，很想重新回到课本里。不，应该是，更深一层、更具体地，想去了解，一个城市的过去。就像了解一个人的过去一样，说不定可以剖析人/城市如今的风范。

然，2天的流连，只让我留下了一段微不足道的，印象。

到了Zoo Station, 花了一番时间与功夫，计划 + 弄清楚方向。 明日之行程规划，去 Berlin Airport 的 Train, etc. Check-in了酒店，休息片刻，前往吃中饭：离酒店不远的餐厅，Schildkröte。（意思为何不晓得，只知道也许和乌龟有关）我敢说，那次是最棒的午餐，最道地的午餐 -- Pork Knuckles。我们的结论是，连Germany 的 Potato 都比英国好吃得多。

That day, 就只是随地逛逛。我们住的地方，是最靠近shopping的地方。那天，真得没有什么。晚上回酒店，看了Germany's Next Top Model，主持人，Heidi Klum。不明白他们说什么，就只透过身体语言去了解，还不错啦。

**后记 (1) ：典型的德国名字，Kurt。
**后记 （2）：计划赶不上变化，所谓的itinery都跟不上一半。

明日的entry，将会超级超级精彩，如果读者不嫌它超级长的话。

Day 2 @ Hamburg

Day 2.. yes, we were planning, planning to wake up as early as 8a.m. to start REALLY touring ard the city of Hamburg, and to experience a day as a tourist. And of course, we did not!

Germany is an hour ahead of UK. I set my h.p. alarm for 8a.m. and it of course oni started ringing at 9.a.m. Germany time. $#%^&*(&^%$#. Suzanne watch me get up snoozing my hp alarm N times, n finally both of us got fed up and i just off the alarm. In the end, we woke up at like.. 11a.m.? yeah. standard timing for a holiday. but certainly not for a holiday trip. geez. we all washed up, 4 of us, and quickly hd some breakfast, 烧卖 from Holland, i wonder why. and i drank a delicious 豆奶麦片，yum. i can't rmb wat time we departed, 5 of us, including Suzanne's Aunty, to make sure that 4 'innocent' gals do not get lost.

We took train after train, making good use of the Suburban railway system or "S-Bahn", from Kaltenkirchen Station to Hauptbahnhof, which took us a total of 1hr, roughly, to finally reach the city centre of Hamburg, Germany's second largest city after Berlin.

Shopping is once again, everywhere, Suzanne's favourite H & M, my favourite MNG, Zara. (hmm.. we dun c top shop there though..) but our focus is not on shopping. we r here to conquer the history. buek. ok. not really. but Hamburg is still a historical town, with a few churches side by side, St. Petri, St. Nikolai, St. Michaelis etc etc. Actually, we spent quite some time, randomly walking ard town, just to let our eyes get use to Hamburg. In the middle of all modern buildings, we came across Rathaus, Hamburg's City Hall. We then ate some currywurst, German sausage with some curry powder. After our 'standing' meal, (u c, we hd to stand while eating as the sausage were sold on the road side). we started exploring, first the inner-lakes of the city, Aussenalster, taking a few shots of lakes, together with geese and ducks.

We move on, to the southern part of the city, the sea-port. I was planning to visit the Cap San Diego （the last remaining cargo freighters, turned musuem), but seems like the time do not allow us to do so, or rather, we didnt find it in time to visit it. Instead, we went on the Harbour tour, gazing at huge logistic ships, from as near as France, London, to as far as China (and ships from China are really damn huge ok..). Poor Aunty did not wanted to come along on board the quite empty touring ship, so she waited for us for an hr! really hv to thank her for bringing us ard..

Finally, we just had to visit one of the many churches, we rmb seeing lots of churches, but not knowing their names, but in the end, we decided to visit the oldest-looking of all. It was hard-work finding it, we passed by Fleetinsel, and finally reached 'the church'. We were guessing, is it the oldest main church, St. Petri or is it smth else？Only until just now, when i look back at all the research that i have done (hopefully not in vain), it turned out to be St. Nikolai, the FORMER main church, which was destroyed in 1842 and 1943, n now an anti-war monument. Ha. No wonder the outlook is kinda, 'black n burnt'.

Then, it was dinner, @ a chinese restaurant. Rmb the son of the owner of a chinese restaurant, yes, the same one. The food was good, enuf, and filling. Of course, the traditions of chinese, frens maa.. so no need to pay la.. no need.. really no need la.. so, we ended again, eating for free. We already travelled for free, thx to Aunty... n now.. we r planning to buy smth for them in UK and post to them as a thank-u gift, n there is no way they can reject it now. Ha.

After meal, we sat n chatted, waiting for the son of the owner of the restaurant, ok, make it easy, er, Denny, to finish his work there as a waiter. Then, we headed of to the famous red-light district. It's my first time to RLD, n i think i wont wanna go back there again. It was new stuff to me, as everything is so concentrated in one small area, ok, actually a few stretch of streets, but still, everything altogether. got a bit sick of it, but then, it was 大开眼界，i guess.

home it is. 1a.m. tmr, wat time will be get up? well, we hv to! we bought 11.30a.m. train ticket to Berlin, n this time, i MUST set my alarm one hr earlier. the next morning, i was the 1st to wake up, 7.am. in need of a shower n proper wash-up b4 bidding goodbye to all the hospitality that we received, n facing the new challenge ahead, 4 of us, alone.

德国之旅~回忆录之 Hamburg Day (1)

Second Monday of easter break. i am sitting at Arlina's table (which is now tidier n cleaner than it used to be, =p), trying to recall my Germany trip with fellow hall mates which ended last Friday.

***

::: 德国之旅~回忆录之 Hamburg Day (1) :::

上个星期日，凌晨12点钟，往 Broadmarsh Station 方向驶去。 4点，凌晨，到达 London Stansted 机场，拖着越10kg 的行李，拖着更疲惫的身躯，check-in for Ryan Air to Hamburg。 在 Ponti's Mangiare Bene 的一间意大利咖啡厅，吃了sultana crossaint，喝了camomile tea。6.25a.m.，上机没多久，4人累得睡到不省人事。

Finally，到达 Hamburg-Lubeck 机场， 等待 Suzanne 伯父之余，喝了 Hot Chocolate, 我吃了salami bread roll。看map看到团团转，怎么还不见她伯父到来？？结果，去错了机场。 （好多乌鸦飞过.....)

上了车，看了约一个小时的沿途风景，和英国郊外没两样的风景，某家 Hamburg 华人餐厅的老板的儿子，载着我和 Rachel 和我们的行李，终于到达 Hamburg 住宿两夜的家。突然，想起了在 London 的时候，同 Si Jie 住的家，同样的那股异国华侨温馨。

那一天，星期一下午，大家都很累，在伯父家吃了味精面，外加伯母亲手做的叉烧，还有酿豆腐，好好吃。伯母说，这里什么都得自己来，自己做。然后我们四个三八的女生，开始谈起外国华人的生活，尤其像伯母年纪的中年人士，生活之乏味。曾经，我曾经想过，年迈之时，移居到 Brighton去。以前，两三年前吧，曾经到那里去 visit Roedean School，感觉那里很舒服，小丘上的 little cottage，面海的风景，养老最适合不过。在那里开一间yoga/pilates + 身心灵的辅导中心，亲力亲为也好，顾问也好；闲空的时候，阅读人生必看的100本书，研究茶道，研究各种我当时会有兴趣的学问....

填饱了肚子，整个午后，4人就这样跟随伯父的私家车，从一个Shopping地点，到另一家Shopping centre。H & M, Esprit (比 M'sia/Sg. 贵好多好多，几乎与名牌同价），就只买了一件黑色的blouse，吃了Gelati (Pistachio + Ammerato, 赞！）。晚餐，回到伯父家，洗澡后，9点多到伯父朋友家里，吃了挺丰盛的华人晚餐。伯父的朋友，环境似乎挺不错，还有 Karaoke System，我们因而唱到1a.m.，晚餐吃完了还塞进了不少花生 etc etc。好饱。那天，是伯父的朋友的儿子15岁生日，可是那男孩看起来，像18岁一般。。 好成熟。

其中一位aunty，曾经在 Menard 学美容，问她是否认识我妈，她好像都不认识。奇怪了。

那天，一点都不像到外地旅行，就像探亲一般。不过，这道也好，至少探讨了华侨在那里的生活，大家都很照料彼此，因为毕竟，肤色同样的人，在那里是屈指可数。

回顾easter之前的最后第二个星期

一个星期的记忆...

很久没有华文entry了。

星期一至星期四都在忙lab report。星期四的午后，像一条掉出水缸的金鱼。

星期五，lectures 之后，跟随kath去了 ‘bible study’。引号是因为，所谓的bible study并没有发生，我只是坐在小小的房间里，吃着，听着。听一听别人的对话，一些自己不常聊到的话题，是一种乐趣。反正，也太累，就是不想说话。

过后，去beeston。不知为什么，去了那里，就像去了一趟 Covent Garden。 好吧。 也许，只限于那间名为 The Bean 的咖啡馆。有想在那里打工的想法，感染一下，感受一番，那里咖啡豆的香浓，蛋糕面包的香甜。好想，就这样，坐在那里，静静喝着热饮，吃着蛋糕，不管是茶或咖啡，芝士或萝卜蛋糕，然后看着一本好书，度过一个美好的下午。如果是稍微凉快的夏天午后，就更完美了。坐在外面，吹着自然的风。。。

好了，陈芝璇，你也想得太多，太美了吧！

过后，走了一趟sainsbury, 还有之前也走了fresh asia。脑袋不断盘算着，easter要煮什么，吃什么。

***

星期六，整个下午，就一直盯着电脑，看了好几集的《恶作剧之吻》，一边等着慢条斯理的 Mike Tan 大驾光临。在 Mandarin 用餐，好饱好饱。Alchemist 上演的地方，好远好远。我们迟到了10分钟。真不好意思。Alchemist 好好看，只有5位演员，道具很少很少，可是演员之优秀，表演方式之出色，绝对值回票价。

插曲：堂哥好怕自己的license会被吊销，因而闹出了不少笑话。赶往目的地时，还因为忘了开灯 （大朦），被警车追，害我以为，他犯了什么法，幸好没事，虚惊一场。

回到hall, 好多人在party -- spring party。没兴趣。大家，4男4女，齐聚suzanne的房间（委屈你了，你的房间，还有你，好可怜哦。要怪就怪，你房间的风水吧）。一开始，死命在那边聊一些没有营养，有的没的，白痴话题，可是还蛮好玩的啦。后来，Mike诡计多端，叫我们玩一个他拿手的游戏，不知叫什么的，总之就是一人想一个动作，传来传去的。谁输就罚喝汤! （suzanne煲汤） 结果，我们到最后真的把剩余的汤都清光了，还留下了好多好多的笑声。这时候，谁会管我们有多吵啊，反正那个 hall bar 更吵啊!

走了。大概1点左右吧。空。又恢复到，空的意境。可是累了，不想想那么多了。反正，过程比结果重要。对吧？

p.s. : 无聊可以很好玩，可是认真也很好。今天，刚刚好。午后的梦幻 + 不实际的陶醉，晚上哲学的探讨，深夜没有营养的疯狂，凌晨回首反省 + 回顾， a day well spent? hmm. no. i shud rephrase it, a day wasted, yet no regrets.

This week was hectic... yet, i finally find that things worked out in the way that i would actually feel happy about being so busy.. and yes, it was worth it.. i guess..

well, first thing. the dance show. it's called, rhythm of the night.

monday night. first technical rehearsal. so bored. didn't like wasting time there and doing nth, despite i brought books to read.

tuesday. from 11.30am till 10.30pm. i was in nottingham arts theatre most of the time. well, was away for half-an-hr to get dinner. by the way, dinner was actually quite good. hd lamb burger and amazing fat chips at the newmarket, a pub-restaurant nearby. so stuffed. i was thinking, how on earth am i going to dance.

whole day, spent most of my time, sitting there, trying to read as much as i can for the essay. then, i need to make up. for the 1st time in my life, make up all by myself. and somemore, stage make up. for that, i have to buy make up from boots, which cost me a bomb! man! i am spending so much in boots all the time.. cosmetics are just so exx.. oh well, i thought my first make up wasnt dat bad.. i was quite.. impressed? dat day went well, at 9.30ish quickly get back home and sleep!

wednesday. whole day doing psychoanalysis essay. skipped cardio kick. not good. dinner @ atrium was good. brocolli with REAL BLACK MUSHROOM, fried with oyster sauce. nice. got to notts art theatre ard 7.30pm. show starts 7.30, but it wont be my turn till 8.45pm. so hv loads of time to spare. moves today recorded on tape. one more day to go till the end of dance show.

thursday. woke up at 5ish to finish up psychoanalysis essay. phew. close call. another rainy day. it hs been raining, for the whole week. but mood wasnt affected. again, 7.30pm arrive. dat nite the audience were good. really happy. but some tech prob with music. cathleen came. so nice. gave me flowers. yeah!! haha.. took pix with fellow dancers.. after 3 days of sticking together, seems like getting closer with them. but too bad all dis hv to end. after doing my part of the dance, start feeling high.. n it got to climax afer finale.. was at the side back stage watching all the shows after my part. applause heard everywhere. no matter how did the dancers danced dat nite. everything just seem so.. so good. it's all abt the effort. i suddenly felt, the dance show, actually wasnt dat bad. it was pretty fun. perhaps if i was more involved, i wld feel more worth it n happy n excited. oh well, next yr i guess. i wonder if they mind me doing 水袖，which i really really feel like doing. hmm.

friday. apparently, dis day is when nightmare starts. 12am till 11.59am. no sleep. ok. well. small naps here n there. most of them r unintentional dozing off and 'fishing'. essay was crazy. got pretty lost in btween.. but manage to finish it. nevertheless. cant WAIT till lab report.. geez...

saturday. my day started at 11.30am. refreshed. aaaa. msian nite went well. happy to wear my new boots. they look cool! haha. stupid thing i arrived so late. so rush. din eat properly, take nice pics n relax n chill with supposedly mocktails? where r they? maybe all finished by the early birds. we were late pigs! thanks to stupid taxi drivers. argh. play was funny n entertaining. dinner wasnt filling. so just now ate curry puff. so full. opsie. anyway, well done peeps! who put so much time n effort into it!

****

so tired now. cant desribe anymore. off to sleep. n looking fwd to a relaxing sunday. yahoo.

p.s.: dunno y. suddenly feel like karaoke-ing. help.

舞·dance~*

haven't blogged for a while.. since the recent teppanyaki incident..haha..

today..just feel like blogging abt.. DANCE.

today, hd the last official dance lesson before the performance.. things felt so messed up..

initially, i really hated the fact that the teacher wasnt good enuf in teaching us the steps n placing us in the correct position. ok.. yea, maybe he is busy.. but after today.. there seem to be more than that..

he tried hard. he did. but i dunno y some ppl just cant listen... they want to sort of dominate the situation.. as if they r now the choreographer. ok. maybe, they r really trying to help. n ok, maybe they did help somehow.. it's stupid.. y am i bitching abt other ppl.. anyway.. i just need to say dis..ok.. i understand y she needs to tell the instructor that she is offstage. dat is fine. but then, she tries to tell ppl how to do dis do dat.. ok.. communication with partner. yes. but then, i just feel it's a bit over. i pity the instructor at times. i dunno. maybe dat is how dance is taught here. they communicate instead of merely listening n follow instructions.

i really miss those days. those days in secondary school when we as a group, dance as one. we move together, side by side, same pace, same inner emotion, same expression, same enthusiasm, same passion.. even though there r variation in our dance moves, but overall, we r a whole. that feeling is so cool, n i am so sure i will nv ever experience dat again. we practise a roughly 3-4 minute dance for months. from scratch, where we all come from diff dancing background, diff abiilities, and finally, we all come as one.

舞蹈，是一种力量。可是，是需要栽培的力量。需要一支舞的所有舞蹈员，一起努力找寻，一起努力耕耘。从零开始，摸索着，揣摩着，寻找着，一种默契，一种信念。

sigh.. i cant help, but to think of the past, again. n everytime i think of the past, i cant help but to rmb the tragedy of Gatsby and of Etsuko...

okie.. enuf of sentimental moments...

i just hope the dance will turn out ok. i hope i will perform ok too.. at least, i need to get all the moves stamped in my head. i hope we can somehow, look like we r one.. somehow..

***

next yr, i am thinking of doing a lot of things, but not sure if i hv the time. hoping to choreograph one dance for the dance show next yr, n maybe join the ballet part, n not the contemporary part. hoping to participate in msian nite, but it is likely dat both show will happen once again on the same week.. i hope not. well, just c how it goes. all dat i noe, now, is dat dancing is still part of life, after all.

teppanyaki210206

scooping up cooked food!



bc cooking!!



sotong, mushrooms, spring onions!



room-turned kitchen ( just look at the smoke..)

teppanyaki experience: once in a life time

of all events dat happened, i MUST blog abt dis, brag abt dis, complain abt dis, laugh abt dis....

it was the first time, N DEFINITELY THE ONLY N LAST TIME, dis E.V.E.N.T. happenED in my room...

guess wat???

we hd teppanyaki, in MY SMALL EN-SUITE ROOM.. yes.. room.. ( mind, not pantry.. it's R.O.O.M., ROOM, 睡房，la camera da letto, bilik tidur...)

it was the greatest risk, ever.. in the history of freshers yr @ notts..

we were using a teppanyaki cooker, roughly 30cm x 20cm... it was HUGE.. well.. bigger than wat i've expected. n u hv to c wat mike brought! i didnt manage to grab photos of wat he brought.. damn.. oh well.. nvm.. he brought like 30 tomatoes，20 carrots, one box ( standard tissue box size) of marinated mutton, one box of chicken, one box of shrimps, one box of sotong, vegetables, onions, chopped garlic n spring onion, 锅贴，teppanyaki sauce, soy sauce etc etc..N he was soooo SMART to bring along his mighty chopping board n mighty chinese chopping knife.. woooo...

OK. fine. me, suz n him went to pantry to start chopping stuff, while waiting others (rachel, jing, liyen) to come back..

mike chopped out those onions, carrots etc.. n u can feel as if the pantry is moving.. mini earth quake.. we gather all the culteries n plates dat we hv.. sadly.. mostly.. plastic tupperwares? WAT! not our fault ok? newark hall is not meant for cooking in the 1st place!

then.. cooking finally started.. mike installed the brand-new teppanyaki machine.. (well, dat's y he was sooo excited to come up to notts to try it.. er..ok..). we waited.. n waited..

"hmm.. smth's wrong.. the pan isnt hot yet.."

"er.. there is no light signal on the switch.."

"is it? but i turned to max already.."

"oh.. really? let me c........... ER MIKE.. U DIDN'T SWITCH ON THE MAIN..."

by now.. u shud now the BRILLIANT one was obviously MIKE TAN. i sweated, even though my room was freezing cold..

ok.. cookiing started.. thank god they came back.. WE NEEDED HUMAN FAN... (as how mike described poor us, sigh) thanks jing for being our chef.. n thanks all for volunteering as the human fanss.. n shud i even thank mike for motivating us to continue fanning in case the smoke triggers the fire alarm?

oh, yes, the fire alarm. i tied a plastic bag using my pink hair-tie onto the fire alarm.

the smoke was spectacular... for a second, i tot i was in a jap restaurant... but the next, i woke up n realise my tiny room has turned into a live kitchen.. where ppl r trying to cook teppanyaki, in a bbq manner... 1 and a half ppl cooking ( mike was the half.. ), 3 ppl fanning the smoke towards the window.. or somewhere away from the smoke alarm..

here r some abstract from our adventure:

a) ppl looking from my window

i think they were brits.. THEY CERTAINLY must hv smelt the strong aroma.. or rather.. hazard.. ahah.. let's just hope they didnt complain us.. it was scary man.. we quickly close the curtains.. n mike tried to use his big ass to block the guys from peeping into my room..

b）loud knocking by ah hang n ah zak

"TOK TOK TOK TOK"

the whole room went silent, while the sizzling pan continue to sizzle.

i intuitively block the teppanyaki pan from the sight of whoever dat will appear at my very doorstep... thank god.. it was just them... WE ALL TOT IT WAS THE PORTER! scary man! we were all thinking.. wat shud we do wat shud we do wat shud we do... dis is the consequence of taking illegal actions... haha..

c) food-cooking hazzard (not smoke hazzard)

i bet my whole corridor is filled with teppanyaki.. my neighbours must be really pissed.. sorry peeps.!!
well, was more worried abt porter, warden etc.. wat if they smelt it n come searching for us? thank god. we were efficient enough.. we try cooking everything asap.. so dat dis hazzard can end asap.. phew..

we finished cooking all the meat.. n half of the vege dat we prepared.. not to mention dat we only prepared less than half of wat he brought.. frankly, the food were yummy.. thx to the sauce.. n jing again! for helping out, though she didnt eat much act..

great. my room is full of teppanyaki. i smelt it in my jacket. i hv to wipe my clean face with teppanyaki-smell towel. i hv to sleep in my teppanyaki bed. haha.. actually it wasnt dat bad. maybe.. cos u r in there for such a long time dat u just cldn't smell it anymore..

YET.. IT WAS FUN. ppl must be thinking, shean is crazy..

but it was really excited u noe! i mean.. no one must hv done it b4! even if the smoke alarm went off, it wld become such a hot topic of discussion!

imagine...

senior warden: the fire alarm was triggered, by teppanyaki cooking in the room.

hhahaa..

ok..TOUCH WOOD..

phew~ thank god we r safe n sound.

***

too tired to blog abt wednesday.

(to be continue...)

warwick + post cny

**to all frens: thx for ur concern, i am fine now, just the usual me being emotional n perhaps over-sensitive at some point. anyway, thx again**

***

Warwick M-Nite~*

i hv to say the performance was really good! I liked the play, feels like a fusion of modern elements n symbolism into a traditional story-line, n the story of Batik and Songket was really touching and sad as well.. job well done Warwick! hmm.. now i wonder if Notts can do as good.. or perhaps..better?? well, i'll be looking fwd to the cocktail-party-style dinner! ooo!!

Steph was in the play n some dances too! good job steph! especially the feminist Cyndi! haha.. though.. i dunno y u r Cyndi! i think u must hv been chosen due to ur manjaness.. it IS　becoming worse.. haha...　

n oh yes, the singing was great! ok.. not all.. but mostly! Sarah n the one gay n gal who sang during Dikir Barat.. ooo!! the Dikir Barat was sooo good!! i wld say they made a good start with the play n a good ending with Dikir Barat! the group was huuumuunnggoouuss.... n when i say humungous, i really mean it.. gigantic! the stage was spilling with ppl in red n black.. all those tepukan that r so uniformed n the singing that rock the whole Butterworth Hall.. i like the word Butterworth.. it's an unusual place name to use.. but it sounds good.. hehe..

That day was thankfully not as cold...but still i was wearing a dress that was up to my kneecap... thank god the tights helped.. but still.. it was zazaza... we went back after M-Nite to change for after part dat will take place in AV4.. Arthur Vick 4.. we hd pizzas and chicken and kebabs.. but too bad.. the tutor chased us away due to the noise... oh well.. wat a waste..

poor steph was so exhausted.. we ended up sleeping at like 4am.. n woke up at 12 smth.. by my mum's phone call..

“璇！”

“HELLOO 咪!” （i was trying to raise my voice up, so dat mummy wont find out i actually just woke up.. hehe..)

今天是十五啊！我们现在在河边啊，等一下有10分钟的烟花...”

(geez.. thx for telling me...)

They hd a special form of lou-sang at an indo-thai cuisine restaurant.. cool yea! facing sg river.. n all those nice views.. darn... i was wondering wat my chap goh mei is gonna be like.. but nvtherless.. already hd loads of fun..

i was at noodle bar for lunch with steph.. n all her fellow frens came.. she must hv felt happy n sad @ the same time.. post M-Nite reunion.. n perhaps nv again... aww.. dun worry steph! things need to past.. n we hv to move on.. so long as we enjoyed the process! rite?

the lunch was extremely huge @ noodle bar.. din want to or hv to eat crappy atrium dinner.. phew~ i almost did not make it to the last coach back.. it was really the last minute only did i got on dat bus..

back at notts.. went for tangyuan gathering @ kath's.. suddenly.. could feel a massive difference in atmosphere.. compared to the noisy-ness back at Warwick.. haha.. dunno y but gathering @ kath's seem to be quite quiet sometimes.. btw..thx for the tangyuan kath.. n ur neengou! ur cute neengou! hehe..

back at newark, my fellow hall mates were hving tang yuan as well.. when i went there, they were watching 霍元甲。 as like all heroic movies.. the storyline is almost the same.. but it's nice to watch the action.. yet, i still like 凄美的《英雄》better。

***

last nite.. we hd a post cny gathering..

we hd lou-sang.. 迟来的捞生.. it's like a msian-chinese tradition.. (god, dis made me proud.. just like how 24节令鼓 did.. ;p) 捞生is just abt 团圆 n a way of gathering good fortunes to all ppl ard the table.. aaa.. shud hv taken pictures.. ops! anyways.. memories will there.. inside our brains..

~signing off~
shean.

self actualisation 2

am i over-concern with ppl's perception? I think i am..
for many times.. i try to be like others..
i dun like myself to become the ultimate imitator.. but it seems to be dat.. i often reacted dis way..

ok.. put it dis way.. i am easily influenced..
how ppl do things n c things can influence my actions/response..
a group of ppl discussing subject X.. i somehow seem to follow the majority's point of view.. n.. y is dis so..
dat's y.. sometimes i hate myself..for being an imitator..
i think.. i just do not want to be indifferent.. i want to b accepted.. n feel accepted..

but i think... i am growing tired.. i suddenly feel myself becoming so.. so cool.. not making intereaction with ppl when i dun feel like it.. n i dunno if dat is normal.. n i try to observe how others deal with their problems.. n then once again.. i try to imitate wat i think is best..
but.. a contrasting gut feeling often burns inside me... shudn't i just react n do watever my true self feels like doing?
But then again.. wat is a true self..? in philosophical terms.. there is not ultimate true self.. self ..can be form by society.. ok.. not going to go into the deep down philo stuff..

i am tired.. mentally..
lately.. mentally tired can be linked to physical tiredness..
n all these.. made me numbed..YES.. I AM IN A STATE OF NUMBNESS..
i lost sense of feeling sad over bad exam results.. feeling extremely happy, feeling extremely sad.. i am just.. N.U.M.B.E.D.

for the 1st time.. i continously sleep till 9 smth during term time..
it's indeed a bad sign.. i need to correct dis..
it's 12.30am.. i better sleep.. my aim is to get up for breakfast n go to school earlier tmr... i just want to prove to myself.. dat i can do better.. i can..

i need self motivation.. n my blog always do me dis favor..
i miss the times when i update my blog so regularly.. i hate to think dat maybe no one visits my blog.. but wth.. who cares rite? I mean.. dis is MY blog.. n i can just write wtv i want.. who cares!! rmb! B urself!

ok.. feeling better now... which means i can stop babbling n go to find zhou gong.. yes.. n i will continue my journey on.. to a path where i belong..

a reminder: b urself

once in awhile, i need to remind myself..

提醒自己，关于一些应该放弃却经常不经意犯的陋习……

i need to rmb my priority.. wat am i suppose to do, wat i need to do..

做自己.. 我几乎要忘记了……

i nearly forget, who i really am...

问自己，最深处的内心世界...

where is my true self....

我应该给予这个世界什么样的反应..

wat i giv to others shud be true from my heart..

而不是一些虚情假意或不属于我的表示..

maybe..

是时候封闭自己...

in order to think deep into my heart..

整理自己..

in preparation for tmr's battle..

为每一天的挑战作准备..

to win a battle, is to first win over myself..

了解自己，方可取得胜利...

time's up!

TIME'S UP!

i need motivation + determination to re-enter a life of a bookworm. a life dat has no life. a life dat i used to be familiar with.. a life dat revolves ard academic stuff.. a life dat sacrifices a lot of fun for academic stuff..

since when did i become so layed back? attending lectures just for the sake of attending them. going to school just bcos i need to. is dis me? i am lost.

today, i hope it was a good start to a new semester. a new beginning. a new realisation. self-realisation. realising dat, i hv long abandon my deepest potentials, my best efforts, my true self. but, wat n where is my true self? i could not answer, perhaps forever.

i had been too comfortable. studying in the slowest pace that i could i ever imagine. i thought i studied a lot, but reality tells me, dat isnt true. In fact, you did not studied enough. yes, n u shud feel sorry for wat u hv done, how much time n money u hv wasted, for the past half yr of a 3-yr-life in university.

do not be mistaken, i do not want to be a bookworm dat oni noes abt studying. yes, i try to improve myself in interacting with ppl ard me. yet, r those efforts fruitful? or shud i hv really spend more time, looking over words dat i do not know in a book, making notes that i should hv made, borrowing and actually reading books dat i should hv read? i dunno. perhaps wat has happened, is wat can happen best.

***

wat, in the world, is university life suppose to be?

***

i dunno wat happen to me today. i suddenly feel the need to blurt some thoughts out. perhaps, they hv been accumulating, unconsciously, in the unsconscious state of mind. Now, it has finally reach its limit, or smth has trigger the eruption of dis silent volcano, hence finally, i need to express them, all out.

well, still unanswered is the question, wat uni is abt..

is it abt, knowing more ppl from diff places? abt getting a degree? abt socialising, studying, and in essence building a pathway to the near future that we r supposedly controlling with our bare hands?

***

was i all this while, living in a state of irrational/unconscious? was i really doing wat i shud do?

i rmb a fren once told me, once u've done wat u want to do, it's time to do wat u should do. n i believe, the time has come. the time has come to seriously discipline myself. yes, i voluntarily raise all 2 hands up high into the sky and admit that i hv all dis while been lack of discipline.

rmb how did u study for IB? rmb? yes, u shud do the same, n perhaps, even more.

i hv been so long-witted. no readers could bear to dis point i guess. well, anyway, i am just trying to talk myself through. at the least, i felt i am more conscious now. more aware of wat my next action is going to be. i am serious dis time.

priority 1st. always rmb.


*~self-actualisation~* @ 01:37, 070206.

week one of semester ended.. time to get back into the momentum of uni life..

i have been seriously slacking a lot dis week.. cant be bothered to go to the lib, cant be bothered to organise my time, my table.. i am in deep mess.. n yet.. i am still sitting in front of my comp..doing.. nth..

k..relax.. *breath-in.. breath-out*

next week! ok.. getting serious now.. hv to get back to dat momentum again.. i need to quickly get starting with my workload dat will pile up during one 1st week of march.. hving 2essays to due in.. n 3 nites of dance performance.. my god.. i can faint..

well.. tmr will start planning..for now, i am still deep inside a holiday mood.. hehe..

back to show..

狗年~点·滴

丙戌年，你又是怎么过的呢？

年除夕，订了Mr. Man's Restaurant吃了一顿年夜饭。味道尚可以，也许Mandarin会比较适合吧。到了那里，都是外国人，可见Mr. Man's之高档。菜肴小小的，价钱高高的，肚子不够撑就回家了。天啊！对不起啦大家，试一试新的饭店嘛。

Mike真的很会搞气氛。多亏了他，好像大家都玩得很开心。hmm.. 我倒是没那个本事。后来，一些朋友到我房间里来，玩 'cho dai di' 和 'uno'，直到2.30am。幸好，那时的我，不孤单。

Mike霸占了我的床！直到凌晨6点！不过，还好啦。我趁机看完了brother beat。后来，Mike匆匆地离开了。6.30pm，终于可以 "大觉sok"。

***

醒来的时候，12点了。吃了中饭，2pm，5-6人齐聚我房看戏，吃零嘴。3.40pm，戏没看成，转移战地去了阿泽的房间。Brokeback Mountain.. 真够经典。

晚上，同Vivian去了Kath那里吃饭。腐乳通心菜，麻婆豆腐，盐gok鸡，上海年糕，美味。谢了，Kath！

回到房间，不知为何，突然又孤独了起来。

***

明天，上课。我极度想逃避。想逃避，一直到元宵节。想逃避，想去找Mike。不知为何。也许，是这里唯一的亲人。

我是怎么了？难道，真的是因为，那重逢之后的告别？还是，每逢佳节倍思亲？

***

收拾心情？不知道现在是不是时候，反正我也不想那么做。至少，现在的我，是这么想的。

***

p.s.: Brother Beat经典名句：“我没有自信给予你幸福，但没有你我知道我会没了幸福。”

金宣·观音王·碧螺春·普洱

刚刚吃了海鲜河粉，味道适中，没有一般 takeaway 的油腻，还蛮符合我淡淡的口味。吃得，好饱。

一小时后，弄了一杯普洱茶。苦涩。我想念，家里的陈年普洱。

金宣？至少半年没喝过了。12月的时候，妈一直没空，所以没机会泡茶给我们喝。

家里的一切，还是最好的吧。

*~*~*~*~*

曾经多么不喜欢新加坡也好，我宁愿在那里，也不愿永远在这里。

太任性了，确实，我是太任性了。

不可以这样，不应该这样。英国的自由自在，是哪里也得不到的。但，就因为这点，我反而害怕。我知道自己，自制能力毕竟还很弱很弱。

来英国，为了学业，为了将来，为了学习独立生活，为了认识世界的另一端，为了熟悉自己生活的滋味，为了寻求一片新的天空，为了在生命中翻开新的一页。

.:喝了一口茶，苦，苦涩。是水、是茶、还是感觉的问题？:.

等了好久，都没有回甘的滋味。口中的苦涩，让我想念回甘。重逢后又离别，让我更加思念……

永远的离别，痛一次，就不会再犯。早知如此，何必当初。

half way to go; half way done.

ok.. being complaint for not updating blog again.. well, cos sometimes.. i just feel i am writing nonsense.. n i will only write when i hv something interesting to share, something worth telling, n abt a day worth remembering..

so.. wat's the occasion? today, is the 1st day of my exam! yes.. after weeks of torturing.. finally i hv MY 1ST EXAM! ewww.. who likes exam anyway? it's just dat, i can't wait for exams to be over! i just want to get rid of exams! god! if only i hv my exams in the 1st week of exam period! then i wld be crazy watching shows without feeling pressurised by guilt..

oh well, today's italian exam.. hmm...comprehension quite hard.. haih.. grammar still ok.. but hopefully no silly mistakes.. cos i dun hv time to check my answers. as for writing section, i hope i did well too..

moving on, the next exam will be on 27th 9am ...gosh! feminism! screw the additional reading.. i'll just memorise the essential points! cos.. those additional readings r making me.. turning my head round n round.. if i sucessfully finish memorising all essential points, i will be good n read the books i borrowed dat r now sitting peaceful on the top of my shelves.. if..

* if a picture paints a thousand words... *

okok.. enuf of rambling for today.. tonite i am gonna chill.. muahaha..

*: signing off ~ sheanie · 璇 :*

home~*

these days.. my yahoo group, the pangkor family, a newly network that was set up for the purpose of communication between family members has been really active. everyone is talking n discussing about the soon-to-come CNY n the much-anticipated, newly-rennovated HOME -- 祖屋。And, sadly, all the while i am just sadly listening to all these, knowing that i won't become part of the fun this year.

i am longing to go back..

if only, if only my exams end earlier. if i were kath, i'll prob think of going back during cny n not during xmas.... well.. i dun care missing a few lectures! (err.. r u sure?)

***

10 reasons y i feel like going back during cny instead of x'mas:

1) CNY = gathering of relatives

2) CNY = 热闹 = fun

3) REDBOX KARAOKE SYSTEM???? --> with 6 x 6 ft projector screen..urgh

4) food. ( i hv to elaborate, cos it's just too.. BIG) reunion dinner, day 1: steamboat, day 2: open house~bbq + jap food ( prepared by dear cous thomas n danny), pangkor laksa ( by the.. Aunties? ops...ok.. mummy is not one of them. =p )

5) new hse! no more short of water supply, no more sharing 1 bathroom 1 toilet...

6) Big Uncle's whole family is finally coming for the 1st time!

7) some of my frens r going back.. yes.. they r missing one week of lectures n they r in 3rd yr or higher..

8) 3 weeks of holiday in msia was not spent wisely..

9) no CNY atmosphere here...

10) pangkor family website too active. argh.

***

phew~ need to blurt all these out.. but thank god Mike is coming down! yay! oh, n they gonna hv video conferencing. better ask mike to prepare his web cam. shud let him treat me for a feast in Mandarin Restaurant or somewhere.. shud we book just in case? haha..

STOP!

i need to pick myself up..

food, n more food.

3 weeks of indulgence in dependency, good food n relaxation.

i was starting to panick at the last week of the holiday, so i start training myself to wake up at 8 - 9 ish.. but it turned out dat i kept seeing my mother STILL at home.. n hence ended up following her/ accompanying her here n there.. to buy lightings, choose furniture, n every other thing related to rennovation. sigh. ok.. i spent some sort of quality time with mum, but my work r all undone n left at home.

i did try bringing my italian notes to read in the car, when she is busy n so on.. but still din get much done, as expected.. but well.. i am not regretting or anything.. as she always say.. think of the present moment, not the past nor the future... so ok..

spent xmas in pangkor island.. at pan pacific hotel.. nice place, nice beach.. overpriced hotel food... i rather eat LAI FUN or PANGKOR LAKSA...

speaking abt food.. hiahaha.. i keep eating good food everyday.. every breakfast or lunch, me n sis will call papa to bring us to go makan.. it's almost a ritual every school holidays.. below r our normal selection of places to eat:
- OUG corner (板面 or 猪肉丸粉）
- 明记 (干捞面/鸡饭）
- sakura (nasi lemak/bojari/chicken rice etc..)
- 'aunty pau' (dim sum)
- 庙街 （hk food)
- the newly dicsovered, kopitiam （ipoh 旧街场 food)
- 阿里山 （ a hawker centre )
- usj hawker centre

okie.. no toking of food dat 11.42pm..

new yr.. ate dinner at banker's club.. nice 6 course dinner.. quote from papa,
" Now we noe, 6 course dinner is actually not full enough.."
cos it's french ok.... duh...

oo.. besides food western food.. we LOVE xenri to the max too... always good jap food.. yahoo..

n we visited Oversea Restaurant for like.. N times... but it's good.. n near to our home..

oo!! n not forget to mention, 笼的传人restaurant in One U is the best! up to standard 水饺 n 小笼包，n most importantly, THE BEST EVER 姜茶汤圆！ imagine the 汤圆 melting in ur mouth! omg.. i really need to go back there again.. seriously..

visited one u, ikea, ikano area n times too.. with frens n mum.. n mummy.. when r we trying to lavender coffee n cake thing?

ok.. enuf of food..

i need to sleep.. jet lag..ing..